AIBU is ex DH being a drama queen?

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DD (8) came home the other day and very matter-of-factly told me what name ExH and his girlfriend are planning to use for their baby. Without really thinking, I just said “Really?” in that surprised tone you do sometimes, and then moved on.
Fast forward to today and I’ve had a message from ExH saying I’ve “upset his girlfriend” and that my reaction will “influence what DD thinks of the name.”
For context, I don’t actually hate the name. I was just surprised as it’s not one I would have expected them to pick, and the “really?” slipped out. I didn’t rant about it or say anything negative, and DD and I carried on talking about other things straight afterwards.
Now ExH is acting like I’ve ruined everything and put ideas in DD’s head. I feel like it’s being blown out of proportion, but also don’t want to cause unnecessary drama around DD.
AIBU to think he’s overreacting and that one word (“really?”) isn’t the end of the world? Or do I need to be more careful with my off-the-cuff comments when DD passes on news like this?

YANBU. But how did your ex find out what you said? Ask your DD what she told him.

If your child is relaying what you say than I would watch what you do say. You ex is being ridiculous, but just don't give them cause. If you'd said, "Really? That's nice", then you'd have had a different action. Also time for a chat with your daughter about repeating things without thinking how they might come across.

Agree with PPS, be careful what you say and or how you react in front of your DD, regarding your ex DH and his family.

I’m with everyone else. You’re worrying about the wrong thing. It’s not his reaction to what you said, it’s how he knows about it in the first place.

and he might not think it was a casual off the cuff “really” if DD has embellished it

How does he know what you said? Is he sat grilling your dd? Because if he is - thats a cunt move.

Given he's responded so strongly, i'd be concerned she's exaggerated your response tbh

I wouldn't speak to your DD about not repeating things, in this context. I don't think it's a good idea to have even the suggestion that you want to restrict what a child says to its parent.

Just assume that anything you say to DD may be repeated and (unintentionally) mis-represented to ex-DH. He may not be asking - she might just tell him.

He is being a drama queen though. He should know that your DD may not have fully understood your meaning. Coming and complaining to you about an off-hand comment - if they are that precious about people's opinions, they are not going to enjoy parenthood.

It really isnt the of the world but however its come across, has offended both. Can't you explain very briefly to your dd what your actual thoughts are and then maybe msg his partner and say "dd told me. I said really? As in, I was surprised that would be a name he/you (whoever youre surprised at) would have picked that name and I actually think its lovely. I didnt elaborate on my "really" which has obviously given dd the impression I thought negatively of it. No ones fault, misunderstanding" kinda thing and leave it at that? X

It really isnt the of the world but however its come across, has offended both. Can't you explain very briefly to your dd what your actual thoughts are and then maybe msg his partner and say "dd told me. I said really? As in, I was surprised that would be a name he/you (whoever youre surprised at) would have picked that name and I actually think its lovely. I didnt elaborate on my "really" which has obviously given dd the impression I thought negatively of it. No ones fault, misunderstanding" kinda thing and leave it at that? X

How odd that you’d need to explain the concept of being a separate person with your own thoughts and opinions..that have nothing to do with him.

If they like the name, why so reactive?

They sound very precious, and overly concerned with your opinion. I think there’s some projection going on here. Ex’s GF is upset he’s had babies with you already, you share a child and you’re a bigger presence in their lives than she would like. I’d bet money it’s the GF’s first baby.

There’s a chance your DD feels pretty threatened by the arrival of the new baby and is creating more negativity than your original response betrayed.

Can your reply play it down but also shift focus onto your DD who may be struggling with the whole situation?

Hi David, I’m not sure where all this has come from to be honest. My opinion on a name really shouldn’t bother you and Gina and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Sphinx as a name anyway. I’m a bit worried about the way Elsie has relayed this conversation to you and seems to be trying to make my conversation with her much more negative and dramatic than it was. Do you think she may be struggling with this transition more than she’s letting on?

I wonder what your DD thought you meant. If they assumed your reaction was worth passing onto your ExH then it must have been (unintentionally) enough to warrant a conversation with your DD.
If she said something along the lines of, "Mum doesn't like the name." I can understand ExH being upset, especially out of context. Your DD is likely to have very mixed emotions about welcoming a new half sibling. Have you spoken to her about it?

She's lucky....my Husband's ExW told their kids I shouldn't have had my Son ...my 1st baby and she had had twins few months earlier.... kids 5&6 with the man she cheated with lol

He should have let it go, but it does sound like it wasn’t a glowing moment from you. Unless you’ve left out that your ex was in the room at the time, whatever you said/how you said it did apparently give your DD the impression you didn’t like her new sister’s planned name because that’s what she relayed to her father. Not a cardinal sin, but also not a great moment.

Also, I know why others suggest it but please do not tell your DD she needs to filter herself around her own dad for your sake. That’s not an appropriate ask of an 8 year-old; you as the adult need to be the one to manage how you speak and act in front of your your child.

Never tell your child to watch what she says to her father (neither parent should ask a child to keep secrets), but remember to watch what you say in front of her and/or how you say it. This is part of the joy of blended families and, as tweens/teens, they like to very much ‘test’ other people’s opinions of what someone else has said by discussing them with others they trust in order to work out how to form their own opinions. This time is a wonderful learning curve 😶.

A casual, meaningless remark is reported back (contradicted and corrected in my case) then grows as you’ve found. Your exDH and his GF shouldn’t care what you think. Their baby, their name, their business. Not yours.

I echo this. I gained two step-daughters when I married my husband 18 years ago. They were 5 & 7 at the time. There were several upsets/awkward moments over the years when the girls would either relay what DH’s ex said about me and our children, or something me and DH discussed was shared back with his ex.
It’s difficult to watch what you say all the time but more importantly it is in now way the children’s fault, and they should never be told not to speak freely as they’re just kids. It’s incumbent on all the parents to be the adults…

If he is usually reasonable I would apologise and say that you didn’t mean it to sound the way it did. His partner is obvs giving him grief, it does sting a bit when someone doesn’t like the name you’ve chosen. She’s probably saying they need to change the name so in his head it’s annoying because they likely struggled to agree in the 1st place. Just assume anything you say will be passed on, from experience girls love a bit of drama (my daughter was terrible for this but is the sweetest person really).