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Original poster

Do I gently push DD or do I leave it??

7 replies

Hellacute · 05/09/2025 12:45

Really not certain.

DD is 8. She used to do recreational gymnastics at one club but had to stop because the building the club used was damaged in a storm and they weren’t able to find anywhere else to use.

She joined another club and the first lesson was last night. This club is very popular and all the regular recreational classes have a long waiting list. The class the club asked her to join is the competitive class because she is quite good but at this stage she hasn’t done gymnastics since last December.

She was soooo excited to be going back to gymnastics and was even excited when she came out of the class. The trainer had a quick word with me that there’s a competition coming up in October and it would be a good starter one if we were interested. DD heard her and was excited but the date of the competition meant we really couldn't make it (it was in a city 4 hours away on a weekend we already had plans).

As we drove home and I talked to DD she got more and more upset about the class and was crying by the time we were home. Basically she was saying that she felt the class was too serious for her. The class before hers had been playing games and there were no games in her class and everyone seemed to know each other and she didn’t have a friend. Now DD is VERY social and generally makes friends really easily. I reminded her she didn’t make a friend for a few weeks when she started her dance class and she said that was different because she still loved the class but with gymnastics she didn’t love the class. I told her to just try for the term but she got upset so I’m leaving it for a few days.

So now I’m torn. If she goes back next week I have to pay for the term. I can’t just move her to the recreational class due to long waiting list. If she decides after a few weeks then I’ve wasted money on paying for the term. But she was so excited and I worry she’ll regret quitting. When it comes to extra-curricular activities I mostly let her decide what she does and doesn’t do (with the exception of swimming).

I have had a look and it looks like there might be a new gymnastics class in town but we’ve missed the start of that now as well.

OP posts:
namechangedforvalidreasons · 05/09/2025 14:34

I’d encourage my kids to give it a longer shot than one session. Sounds like she’s talented, she enjoys gymnastics, and has recognisable potential. It’s not like she’s been put into an environment where she is never going to thrive, from your description. I reckon if she’d had a pre-existing pal you might have got a better response?

I also encouraged my kids not to make decisions because of initial social awkwardness, that’s not a good precedent to set. Sometimes it takes a while to find our groove. Sometimes we don’t, some classes/ clubs are impenetrably cliquey, but usually we find someone to chat to. It’s good for confidence to not always need a friend there. Do you think she might enjoy it more if she waits a while and things warm up socially, regardless of it being ‘serious’? There is nothing to say in a month that she won’t have a little friend, given she usually does so well with people.

If you forfeit the fees because she is still upset to go in a few weeks time, that’d be annoying but I would take the gamble. And encourage her to see the bigger picture. Explain she might be sorry to have lost a chance (assuming you can afford to lose the fees, of course) when she’s a natural
and they seem to back her chances. Because right now there’s no back-up option so it’ll be back to not doing gymnastics.

Alternatively you could say (in private to them) DD had had a confidence wobble on the way home, possibly cos she was overwhelmed by the level of ability of some members and the step-up to competition (flattery does no harm) and you want to hold off committing for a few weeks until you see if she acclimatises. Maybe you could offer to pay a month or whatever.

They’d be within their rights to say no but what’s the harm in asking? They invited her to join so presumably they want her.

Original poster
Hellacute · 05/09/2025 15:13

namechangedforvalidreasons · 05/09/2025 14:34

I’d encourage my kids to give it a longer shot than one session. Sounds like she’s talented, she enjoys gymnastics, and has recognisable potential. It’s not like she’s been put into an environment where she is never going to thrive, from your description. I reckon if she’d had a pre-existing pal you might have got a better response?

I also encouraged my kids not to make decisions because of initial social awkwardness, that’s not a good precedent to set. Sometimes it takes a while to find our groove. Sometimes we don’t, some classes/ clubs are impenetrably cliquey, but usually we find someone to chat to. It’s good for confidence to not always need a friend there. Do you think she might enjoy it more if she waits a while and things warm up socially, regardless of it being ‘serious’? There is nothing to say in a month that she won’t have a little friend, given she usually does so well with people.

If you forfeit the fees because she is still upset to go in a few weeks time, that’d be annoying but I would take the gamble. And encourage her to see the bigger picture. Explain she might be sorry to have lost a chance (assuming you can afford to lose the fees, of course) when she’s a natural
and they seem to back her chances. Because right now there’s no back-up option so it’ll be back to not doing gymnastics.

Alternatively you could say (in private to them) DD had had a confidence wobble on the way home, possibly cos she was overwhelmed by the level of ability of some members and the step-up to competition (flattery does no harm) and you want to hold off committing for a few weeks until you see if she acclimatises. Maybe you could offer to pay a month or whatever.

They’d be within their rights to say no but what’s the harm in asking? They invited her to join so presumably they want her.

Thank you so much!

You’ve really given me a few ways to think about it and how to frame it to DD.

Theres quite a lot of the girls who have been doing this class together for a few years and I think DD was intimidated and slightly thrown by the fact she didn’t know anyone (we thought there might be one or two from her old gymnastics club). Also talk of a competition already when she hasn’t done any gymnastics in 9 months.

I will definitely use a lot of your wording to message the club. Thank you.

OP posts:
namechangedforvalidreasons · 05/09/2025 15:20

No bother! Hope she settles in and thrives!

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WeeAgnes · 05/09/2025 15:22

I think @namechangedforvalidreasons approach is an excellent one.

Where have all the other kids from her old gymnastics club gone on to?

user2848502016 · 05/09/2025 15:25

I’d encourage her to do the term then if she doesn’t want to carry on by then she can quit and try something different

SummerInSun · 05/09/2025 15:45

I’d also go the route of asking the club if she can do a few more sessions (which you are happy to pay for) before she decides. One class is too few to give up; but at her age being told she has to stick at it for a term may feel like forever.

Original poster
Hellacute · 05/09/2025 15:49

WeeAgnes · 05/09/2025 15:22

I think @namechangedforvalidreasons approach is an excellent one.

Where have all the other kids from her old gymnastics club gone on to?

I’m not really sure where anyone else has gone. When the original club closed there was only one other club (the new club) in our town. So I think a lot have probably quit.

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