Dh doesn’t think I should work for another 4-5 years

[mallorys]

i have a newborn baby. I’ve only ever had low paid jobs in shops/restaurants/receptionist. So I guess childcare would cost more than I earn. I worry if I’m out of a job that long, it’ll be really hard to get a job. Dh thinks I should wait until DD starts school. If anyone else did this, was it hard to get a job? Thanks.

Personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong having a stay at home parent section on your cv to explain a gap in employment. You could even give details of any regular baby groups or classes you’ve attended to give a sense of structure / commitment.
If it works for you all to look after baby/child until school then I think it’s a lovely to do. But you could also consider something part time once your little one can go to preschool?

Hmm I’m on the fence, there’s been numerous posts this week about how hard it is to juggle school and work. I think if you’re not already in the habit of working then when it comes to school you’ll be looking for 9-3 jobs and there’s just not many around. Entirely family dependant of course, there’s no right answer. You have to do what’s best for you and your family

Two things are important here - what do you actually want to do?
and how will it affect your finances?
The fact that you working could cost your family money is a big issue.

I'd take the win girl, stay home and enjoy your baby if its what you want x

This is your third child, yes? How have you been paying for childcare until now?

Same! It would have been my dream. The working world is always there!

You can use the gap in paid employment to develop skills that will be useful in the future.For example, becoming the treasurer of the local toddler group or organise a group of local parents who enjoy walking together or book club, take charge of the NCT 'new to you' sale etc. These type of activities can be used to great advantage in future job applications.

Claiming "Child Benefit for children under 12 years old can earn you NI credits that count towards your State Pension entitlement and help cover periods when you're out of paid work"

Your DH's income must be family income when you are not earning imo. Ensure DH appreciates how much you are saving in childcare costs, but it sounds like he does if he is suggesting the SAHP role.

Most importantly though, do you enjoy the company of your DC? Some parents are not cut out to leave the cut and thrust of a career. If you would enjoy being a SAHP there is nothing better.

What do you want to do OP? Do you like the idea of being a SAHM or would you prefer to work?

I think having a SAHM is great for kids if it works for the family. You might absolutely love it! If your only concern is that you won’t be able to get back into work, I wouldn’t let that stop you. You might be a totally different person after 4/5 years of parenting anyway so might want to retrain etc anyway. I was a SAHM for 8 years, retrained, and am just going into my second year in a job I’m loving!

I think if it’s that kind of unskilled causal work, no it won’t be more difficult to get it because of a longer gap in your CV.

However… if you don’t work for the next several years, your opportunities to develop your skills and be able to earn more than minimum wage will be on ice.

So - I would take advantage of access to the free nursery hours to do some form of part time job where you can develop some skills in whatever area you are interested in.

Please don’t list attending baby classes on a CV.

What is your DH suggesting in terms of finances, especially a pension for you?

What do you want to do?

Is it actually financially feasible for the two of you to find the extra money if childcare costs more than you’re earning?

I worked full-time before I had my son, but it became obvious that to go back to work after my maternity leave, my son would have to be in nursery. The amount of time he'd need to be there, distance from home, cost in fees and wear/tear/fuel on my car it wasn't financially viable. I stayed at home until my son started school. I realise I am very lucky, we had to tighten our belts, but we managed on just my husband's salary. Once my son started school, I went back to work part-time, working at his school, so it meant I had school holidays off. It's all very personal, and it depends very much on your circumstances. At the moment the job market is dire, people from all walks of life are struggling to find work, even though there's jobs out there. However, the situation may be different in a year or two. Not every woman wants to be a SAHM, and would prefer to go back to work, even part-time. It depends on what you want?

I think that it’s entirely up to you. It’s nice that he is happy to support you being at home, and it is true that childcare would likely cost as much as you earn.
But it is good for some people mental health and personal wellbeing to be in work and not always with the kids. There might be a compromise like working part time. But the decision has to be yours - and it isn’t something you have to decide on now. Leave it until you finish Mat leave, or later. No need to have a fixed decision as any point really, you can always seek work again.

Just looking in terms of employment, if you’ve only ever had low paid jobs like those where really not a massive amount is going to fundamentally change in a few years time, I wouldn’t worry too much about finding one of those jobs again in a few years. If you’re a profession like the law or medicine for example where qualifications get updated, best practice changed, continuous development is needed to stay “up to speed” then I’d be wary of a 4 year gap because the job can be entirely different to the one you left, but for the jobs you mention I wouldn’t worry.

If I was you I’d be thinking/asking:

1. Can you as a family afford only 1 earner?
2. Is your husband also going to be paying into a pension for you during this time?
3. Do you want to not work for that time?
4. Have you looked at the costs of nursery with the free hours & tax free childcare to see what is viable?

How is different to giving details of tasks involved in any other (paid) job?

Agree with pp do not mention baby classes on a CV

Unless OP is going to start as an assistant child minder, then baby classes are simply irrelevant to any other job and will sink a CV faster than a lead balloon.

My DH was similar. He had only had low paid jobs on construction sites or factories. I went back to work and he was a SAHD for years. During this time, he took evening classes and got his degree. Then he studied for and got professional certifications to go along with his degree. It made a world of a difference, he then had a career instead of more low paid jobs.

I agree, if you are staying home, start getting a degree or other qualifications so that when you do look for work the gap on the CV can be caring for young children AND full time student getting recent qualifications for the entry level job of the career of your choice.

It is much easier now as when my husband did it, evening classes for mature students were a new thing. There were no online classes. Now, you can do entire degrees from home online.

I used the time to improve my qualifications (online mainly) and then went into better paid employment when child was 3.
I was happy to be a SAHM until I saw some of the horror stories of woman being totally screwed when their DH seemily change overnight and cheat or leave or just turn into arseholes.
Right now I don't actually work that many hours (mainly weekends) but I make sure I keep the option there that I can jump into full time work pretty easily if I have to.

Unless she is running the classes it's as relevant as saying you attended a coffee shop once a week.

You get one life and it goes fast

If you are going to do this, make a decision to train hard for a career you want as soon as you can get the kiddo into free hours.

It could be a fantastic opportunity for you, if you play it well.

OP are you married to DH (lots of women on here seem to use DH as a synonym for partner so just checking)

Couldn't agree more. (Fellow SAHM in retraining here 😉).

If you work, you get subsidised childcare so it’s not always going to cost you money to go back to work (obviously depending on prices where you live etc).

Personally I think if you worked enough hours each week to be entitled to some child care it’s better for everyone involved. The only SAHM’s I know are stressed and don’t get a minute to themselves, never mind when their second has come along. Are you likely to have another and then reset the clock and wind up being out of work for more than 5 years? Not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s just worth considering.

What would you actually prefer as you haven’t indicated that part which is quite vital!

I stayed at home until my youngest was nearly four because my research and experience led me to believe that an engaged, mentally present, well educated parent who wants to be with their own children and thoughtfully plans their time together (by which I don't mean anything unrealistic, just going to some baby and toddler groups or spending time with friends with children/ from antenatal classes and their children for some socialisation, going out and about to learn very simply about the world, walks, lots of opportunities to play and climb etc. lots of talking to the baby and two way conversations with toddlers, a bit of baking or play dough or fonger painting from time to time, and not just ignoring the child and putting the TV on) is better than most group childcare for under 3s.

A good nursery is better than a parent who isn't engaged with the child or indeed a parent who feels unfulfilled or stressed or out of their depth or frustrated staying at home.

Even when I was a "stay at home" mother I did actually work two evenings once DH was home to take over - from when each baby was a few months old. I worked a short day as well as the evenings for a couple of years when I only had one toddler and one at preschool and my mother in law was well enough (and offered) to look after the toddler and do preschool pickup once per week. So I was "mostly" at home.

I will say my pension took a battering and I feel I'm massively playing catch up with that, and I ended up totally retraining to go back to full time work as I was too far put of the loop and couldn't go back to my previous career - the part time and evening work was interesting but not something I could do as a full time career.

Be careful because you can make yourself poor in your own right much longer term than just five years (especially if you go on to have a second child in three years and five years becomes eight...) because of missing out on advancement (you might have moved into management in five years if you go back in twelve months) and because of pension poverty. You can't know now whether you'll be comfortable relying on your partner to be comfortable financially/ to be able to spend money as you see fit on yourself and your adult children, in twenty five years time...