Elderly mum falling victim to scams

[messymaple]

I need some advice about my mum. She’s late 60s and not very tech savvy. She has fallen victim to a phone scam before (gave her card details to someone saying they were from Sky) and recently she’s having problems with online scams. The source of these seems to be Instagram.

She scrolls through the short videos and constantly clicks on the scam AI videos that impersonate celebrities advertising fake products. She saw a scam ad about weight loss pills supposedly advertised by Oprah Winfrey and typed in her card details thinking she was ordering them. My dad realised and thankfully stopped the scam in time. She had to freeze and order a new bank card.

Yesterday, despite repeated warnings not to click on anything or give any details, she clicked on an Instagram video of AI Martin Lewis advertising an investment opportunity. A woman phoned her and was talking through steps about filling in a form with all her bank details and personal info. She said the woman sent her a form and she filled it in. My dad became aware of the call, told her to hang up but she refused and went upstairs with her bank card. She became suspicious when the woman started being pushy and rushing her. My mum said she wanted to check with her daughter and the scammer said ‘no, you have to do this yourself’. She’s told me that after this, she deleted all the info without submitting it and hung up. The woman kept calling back but eventually gave up when my mum didn’t answer.

I’m very worried about her behaviour online recently. She won’t listen to me or my dad. It’s only a matter of time before she loses a lot of money. My parents’ account has a substantial amount in at the moment as they are soon having building work done and plan to use it for that. I tried to persuade her to delete Instagram but she won’t let me because she likes seeing family photos on there. She’s had to cancel her bank card yet again.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do because I’m at my wit’s end with this. I only ever find out when she calls me afterwards and tells me about it and even then I have to ask a lot of questions before she’s honest. How can I get through to her that these ads are scams? The algorithm is sending her more too as she keeps clicking on them.

I agree that hopefully she'd entirely agree - but if she was being that reasonable about it all in the first place there wouldn't have been the issue, or certainly not more than once. Clearly she isn't able/willing to objectively look at her ability to make financial decisions so I think the odds of her agreeing to have all her money except for some token pocket money taken out of her control seems pretty low. As I said, I think the dad may need to separate out their finances, but he may find it very difficult to stop her wasting her own money.

This is not normal. DMIL is 89 and has learned to be scam-savvy.

Issues to do with her bladder could possibly point to an infection which can cause confusion, but that seems a bit of a stretch.

She’s always been quite naive and trusting. She doesn’t work any more but she used to do voluntary work for years. Since giving that up last year she’s not been as sharp. She often forgets words and just stays at home watching TV.

Is it possible that she's always had a mild learning disability which is now exacerbated by some form of cognitive decline?

Unfortunately my dad is the type of person to avoid an issue and act like everything is fine when it isn’t. I’ve raised the possibility of dementia regarding my mum before and he’s brushed it off. But now she’s starting to put their money at risk, he might take things more seriously.

The bladder issue is more that she gets sudden urgency to pee and leaks. It’s becoming more frequent lately. I asked her if she might have an infection and she shut me
down and said no. She won’t discuss it with the GP because she’s embarrassed. Months ago, I bought her some discreet pads (similar to period pads) to protect her clothing from accidents but she won’t use them.

I might stealth-delete Instagram from her phone next time I see her. I know it’s not very honest but it’s better than being scammed. She never posts anything on it anyway and just sits scrolling through the short videos, many of which on her feed are now scams.

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat I think it is definitely possible. She always said she struggled at school as a child, was called stupid by adults and she struggles with concentration. Sometimes I wonder if she has undiagnosed ADHD. My sibling is neurodivergent and has learning difficulties too.

Sadly if this woman is suffering from a cognitive decline she may be unable to understand or remember such a discussion, or meaningfully agree to anything. Hopefully theres a POA that can be activated when and if necessary.

Yeah I can see your point now I’ve read your post

This would terrify me too. If you follow Martin Lewis you will see he reports on these when it happens and he is absolutely devastated when it does. People losing 100k life savings etc. Cannot get it back.

The reason it is happening is that the social media companies havent done enough and this won't change until 2027.

So there is hope but you need to keep her safe until 2027 when hopefully the rules change.

My DM is fairly okay - she isn't on social media and I think this is probably the best thing.

Does your DM need an Instagram account? I'm 45 and just deleted mine. It's people who are trying to monetise their pages - things that appeal emotionally or some kind of advice mostly...what do I get from it? Do I like how I feel from scrolling? Who do I want to be in future? Someone who spends all my time online? That could be one avenue of - a critical conversation about whether she enjoys Instagram or not. Also (forgive/ignore if not relevant) do you post family photos so shes on it too....may be a system change in howyou communicate needed.

In terms of Facebook, which is useful for groups and marketplace. Does shefollow Martin Lewis? Can you show her the newsletter, walk her through his 'I don't do ads' mantra and 'It is a scam' videos.

I'd also be tempted to make or find an online poster with steps of how to spot a scam and stick a copy near her PC or a noticeboard as a reminder.

Finally it's worth looking into Rebel Finance School - it helped me a lot with financial education.

Worth a look at Age UK too - they may have some resources.

Essentially counteract with counter messages - I've been banging on about MSE to DM for eons and she now goes through his newsletter (and tells me about it after as if she has discovered it herself 😂).

Came on here to say just this very thing. I am currently in hospital (have been for a week now) after contracting UroSepsis.
It has been brewing for weeks, my DP and sharp as a tack DGM have been saying I'm talking a lot of nonsense.
Maybe OP DM has a similar grumbling infection rumbling away. It's happened to me and I'm 42!

You may not be able to stop her clicking entirely, but layered protections (financial, technical, educational, behavioral) can greatly reduce the risk and give you peace of mind. Focus on making scams less accessible, slowing her down, and involving trusted family in real-time decision-making.