Phone for DD11 - Balance / Brick / locked down old smartphone??

[FusionChefGeoff]

We got DS at the same age an old Android and locked down as best we could and put very strict usage limits on it.

Now I know more about the damage / dangers Im
tempted to go further with DDs first phone. However, I think a full on Nokia brick might be too far!!

there are some apps which are useful and I’d like her to have - mainly WhatsApp for the social stuff with friends and family chats (not letting her join any class / large group chats) but also maps / Spotify / Duolingo.

I really don’t want any social media and ideally no browser so it’s approved apps only.

Saw Balance phones mentioned on here - anyone got one and could recommend?

Any other suggestions?

If you use Google Family link, you can lock down any app you like - including a browser; DD(12) has a 'standard' android phone, but with very strict controls; no browser or youtube.

One (sad) discovery has been WhatsApp channels - DD has WhatsApp, and it means that she does still have access to a lot of video content - do look at them, and decide if WhatsApp is for your DD.

That is a good point!!! As DS is older now I use Family Link to block YouTube / Facebook but not the actual browser why didn’t I think of that!

I can’t decide if I should be worrying about her getting ridiculed for having the balance phone. She doesn’t care now and is wonderfully individual but she’s still very young for her age compared to some of her friends so I don’t know if that will change and she’ll be embarrassed by it!

Some children at DD's secondary do have brick phones, so here they aren't exceptional, but I'm not sure how 'normal' her (state) school is

I'd do the brick thing, but then I follow Smartphone Free Childhood and have very young children who aren't demanding phones yet! Perhaps in a few years time it will have gained more traction & it will be more normal to have a pause on smartphones, but right now, I can see it's complicated because of peer pressure.

I just think even with all the locks etc it's so addictive.

I know not quite what you're asking but I have DD about to start year 8 and still has no phone. I've suggested a brick or balance phone as a compromise but these have been rejected so it's still no phone. And she is fine. I think even with a super locked down phone, they are still a MASSIVE distraction and seem to cause no end of trouble amongst friendships.

@TheUsualChaos how does your DD get on with communicating with friends, organising meetups and so on? Does it mean you having to be involved still via other parents?

To add to the above, at least one of DD's friends has no phone - it has made life really quite difficult; DD thought she was coming to her birthday party, but no way of getting in touch when she didn't show. Which means she (the friend) is increasingly left out of things.

Also, different children have different commutes to school - DD goes a fair way, and we've had to pick her and a broken bike up a couple of times. That would have been tricky to arrange had she not been able to call us. Sometimes she goes by bus, but that is far more unreliable, so has also meant being in touch when things have gone badly awry.

Her school has a really wide catchment area and none of her friends live in the same town as us so maybe not quite the norm compared to when DC would have several friends in walking distance with regards to meeting up. Her hobbies keep her busy at the weekends and she socialises with those friends more than school friends. But yes, when there have been invites for birthdays etc from school friends, the parents just message me with the details. It hasn't been an issue.

it’s being able to contact friends / us that I’d like her to have the phone - and small group WhatsApp chats with the wider family / cousins as well as her friend group in school.

with a brick those aren’t possible.

The Balance has intrigued me as it says you get the functionality of the better apps but without the addictive / dopamine generating interface

I think WhatsApp is one of the more dangerous apps out there. Because it lulls you into a false sense of security that it's just about simple communication, but there are so many dodgy pics and videos floating around being forwarded between people. And once viewed they can easily be deleted so when you check the phone you have no idea...

We have a brick phone, but they have an iPad at home with a personal email address. So they can iMessage or FaceTime friends with iPhones or use good old email to communicate. I’m a hard no for WhatsApp and group chats but happy for 1:1 communication. While not ideal the iPad isn’t at them 24/7 and the communication with friends is much more asynchronous which is a good thing and means they are not always around attached to their phone. It’s not a perfect set up, but works for us at the moment and feels for our risk appetite a happy medium between having a smart phone vs having nothing at all.

I got a balance phone for my oldest kid this month- he’s 14. I was sick and tired of the amount of time he was spending in his iPhone gaming, sending Snapchats and watching YouTube video games. It got to a stage where I ended up buying a safe to limit his access to the iPhone. But as with all things that need constant attention and monitoring I found it difficult to keep on top of all the time. The balance phone has been a revelation. I have no more anxiety about online games looking to make him addicted, no more worries about inappropriate content being shown on Snapchat ( see stories section) and no more concerns about stupid inane YouTube videos. He doesn’t love it - but our stress levels have decreased dramatically, he’s more social!, and his health and wellbeing have improved considerably - better sleep/ organisation and focus. 2 weeks in.