How much do you usually achieve in a day - if you're struggling a bit?

[Firststop]

I don't mean to be rude, but I don't want to hear from superwomen who keep immaculate homes, high flying careers, perfect children, not bodies and busy social lives. In fact I used to be one of them (sort of) but since a bereavement and menopause I just can't motivate myself with any of it.

Then I think maybe my old expectations of myself are unrealistic.

Yesterday I went to work, went for a run, did some laundry.
Today I skippped the gym, am still in bed MNetting, but I have plans to go out later, which I won't cancel. If I get up now and do the shopping and come back and do 40 mins cleaning before I go out, maybe that's not a completely useless day?

It is absolutely not a useless day.

i think we all need rest. Sometimes we can’t get it (small children, long commute, demanding job, useless spouse) but i feel like it comes around to bite us on the bum later if we push on for too long (burnout).

im also trying to recalibrate my expectations!!

with the standard disclaimer that if you feel there’s something underlying wrong, consult your GP..

Err, that's a full day for me!

Shopping, cleaning and meeting someone is three big things. I felt doing that over a week was a massive achievement.

Bereavement is an absolute energy sap, as is menopause - I've found exercise definitely helps, but I've caught a virus and I'm floored, so I'm back to managing the energy I've got.

Don't get me wrong, for months I've been high achieving, but when the bottom falls out there isn't much option but to go with it.

Since having the stroke earlier this year, it can be summed up by 'fuck all'

Which also doesn't really help you anymore than the energiser perfect people.

BUT hopefully it can help you to see that YOUR limitations are just that, YOURS. Health issues, age, menopause affect all of us differently & all we can do is OUR best!

previously I didn't understand & my thinking was that unless you gave a serious illness or disability. You just crack on with it. Push through if you like. But I can no longer do that. I've had to accept I can only do, what I can do & the rest just has to wait.

I totally understand our situations are completely different. But I think accepting the situation is impirtsnt, whatever is causing it.

I hope you get your pre menopause self back. It's frustrating, but in the meantime try to accept how things are ATM.

I love my Tesco delivery. Grocery shopping isn't where I need to use my limited energy 🙅🏻‍♀️

Well that would sound fine to me
the only caveat is if there is some big to do emergency thing that you are ignoring - something critical that isn’t happening like getting the car tax sorted

There's plenty that I'm ignoring that my more motivated self would have thought was essential. Peeling pain on the front of my house for example, but I wouldn't miss actually crucial things like the car tax.

I have recently been diagnosed with hashimoto & PCOS. I am learning to do less. As an over achiever, this is a hard, hard lesson.

Today, I have woken up, wrapped up a Vinted item, had breakfast, washed some other bits I’ve sold and seen x3 clients via zoom. Now breaking off for lunch. Aiming to walk to B&Q after work to pick up paint (decorator coming tomorrow), then I might do some gentle stretching and relax for the evening.

I also love a Tesco delivery! 🚚 x

Got DS back to school which involves quite a lot of cajoling, updated a payment card for swimming lessons after the previous one was stopped yesterday (bank noted a fraudulent transaction) wrote to do list (this is currently a task in itself with a very new ADHD diagnosis), did the preparation I needed to drop something to clients, went to do things like buy fuel, but also sit quietly with a coffee not at home, delivered said item and relevant invoice, now arguing with CAD software for next clients (apparently I've crashed my graphics engine...) and about to send a proposal to the third one that's due.
I am doing the other school run, trying to fit in exercise and then probably ordering takeaway as DS will probably be overwhelmed (may need to get him assessed too in the near future).

Also need to cut DH and DS hair, sew in name labels and all the general domestic gubbins.

Post menopausal, lost my husband 3 1/2 months ago. Currently not working.
I do have to get up and be out by a reasonable hour as have horses in stables that need turning out for the day and mucking out. Thats taking a lot longer than it should right now. Still here and a stable left to do 4 hours later! When efficient, I would expect to have everything done in 1 1/2 hours max if I don't sit down and start scrolling on my phone! To be fair, I've had a bonfire too.

yesterday the main event was a tip run at 3, I had to shred some largish garden branches beforehand, that took a while. I did manage a bit of decluttering as well so I could take that and get rid.
Im frustrated at my current slowness, but I do think so long as you do something every day however little that might be, at least you're making some progress. I've started making lists as my minds a sieve at the moment and there is a sense of achievement in crossing off a few things every day and trying to stop the backlog of jobs getting too great.

social things I find very difficult at the moment, I need to work on that. I'm ok when I get there but I use every delaying tactic in the book to put off leaving to go to whatever it is. Meeting other widowed women is the only exception, we don't sit there bemoaning our lot to each other, but there is an unspoken connection about the situation we find ourselves in.

I am just being kind to myself at the moment, but will review mid November at the 6 month mark...
So I think what you're doing is OK...

Stop assuming that your value is in your productivity. Sometimes it’s ok to relax and do…. Nothing (bar the basic needs of looking after kids obvs).

It sounds like you're doing well. In the spirit of being gentle with yourself, 6m is very soon though. I actually found the 2nd year harder, when you're supposed to be getting back to normal, you've got all the firsts out of the way, but nothing is.

I'm so sorry to read about your DH🤗

it's very early days, you're doing very well, just keep being kind to yourself. 🥰

I was one of those superwomen I am 59 and retired early and did my back in last year. It’s a lot better but doubt it will ever be the same. Yesterday I volunteered for 4 hours, made dinner, put on one load of washing, watched 2 episodes of a box set, shot a few aliens on my games console, Helldivers to be exact which I recommend and walked 1.5 miles. Due to previous levels of superwoman stuff that felt like not enough.

But I was in an absolute mire when my DD died, felt like I was slowly drowning I existed and did FA for a year I can honesty say for the first couple of months even having a shower seemed like a huge effort and I wondered if I would get through it. When someone you love dies it is just so miserable, much love to anyone who is bereaved or unwell. One other part was I became incredibly irritated with people who were vocalising very minor issues at that point, I’m usually a good listener and it was temporary. I am a very sociable person but I avoided people for a few months, I found them draining.