Handsy and overbearing colleague - advice please

[Rabidturnip]

Need the hive mind. I’m in a new job and really like it. Colleague in a similar role, is a woman same as me, very pleasant but overbearing, constantly wanting to know what I am eating, what I am doing at lunch, wanting to know the ins and outs of the cow’s arse. She’s also keeps touching me - lots of arm and shoulder patting - literally has touched me probably 6-7 times in the last 24 hours. How do I nip this in the bud?

I'm right in the middle of something now Jean, can't chat

I'm not a touchy feely person Jean, I don't like being grabbed or patted, thanks

Just be straight, polite, arms length, professional. Don't give her an In, literally nip it in the bud. She's testing the water and finding out who you are, now is a really good time to let her know.

When people do that I look at where they patted, then at their hand at them. They usually get the hint.

As for the questions 'Just say sorry, didn't hear you, I'm concentrating'.

These people are so annoying.

Thank you. It honestly makes me want to scream. I feel smothered. She came over a while ago for some stupid reason and went to lean on my knee to lean down and I pulled out of the way in my chair! Then she purposely knocked the back of my chair while walking past!

This is territorial marking and asserting dominance over you, much like a dog pissing up a lamp post. I wouldn't like it at all.

Jees. The thing is I am pretty assertive and she knows this. It’s making me feel sick. I am ready the next time she touches me. As far as I can see she doesn’t do it to anyone else. Argh! I’ve already spoken to my boss re the boundaries. I have headphones to drown out the noise but she still chunters on!

Makes me shudder just reading this!!

Can I have a quiet word, Sarah. The thing is, I don't like being touched and I don't like intrusive questions and too much chat. I need a lot of personal space. Thank you.

All said calmly and slowly.

Thanks all. Not in tomorrow so I have a brief reprieve!

You need to tell her. She’s not a mind reader.

as said, she is trying to dominate you, dont fuck about cut to the chase, next time BANG! get her up against the wall by her throat
only joking😇

We work in the same place with the same women.
Does she talk about how much money she has spent on this that and the other too?

Ear phones ‘because I struggle to concentrate when people are talking’.

Step backwards when she approaches you so she can’t touch you. If she follows, hand up 🖐️ ‘no thanks- I don’t like it/it makes me uncomfortable’.

She pulled her chair away when she tried to lean on OP's knee. Then she was passive aggressive and bumped the chair. She's a domineering gossip and knows what she's doing.

‘I wouldn’t get too close if I were you Jean, I’m really itchy at the moment - hope it’s not scabies!’

'stop groping me you weirdo'

Nobody should be touching their colleagues in the workplace. It is unprofessional and disrepectful, and crosses a boundary.

100% this. In my previous job (was there for several years) I don’t recall anyone ever touching me in this way. It is completely unnecessary.

I think your colleague is different to mine, she doesn’t do this.

Believe me, I will be

Be ready with your lines for next time you are in the office - so what if she reacts badly - she hasn’t got a leg to stand on and great if she then backs off

I’ve got it figured out, I know she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I suspect there will be a wee bit of drama and some tears about how she “cares so much” but that’s her problem, not mine! I think she thinks of me as a daughter type BUT there are not enough years between us for her to conceivably be my mother <shudders>.

We had a new person start that was like this. She went to touch my hand and I flinched and told her I don’t do touching.

she’s left me alone since then