Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Can anyone help me chat through my changing friendships?

3 replies

Shirtstop · 02/09/2025 10:32

You know when the same thing keeps happening and you have to accept it's you, not them? I've always known that really, going back to school I found friendships difficult, and always felt on the fringes of things. My parents are very much a couple who do everything together, and whilst they know people and are polite and friendly, they never had good friends. I've never met any of their friends in 50+ years, that part of life was never modelled or considered important.

After I married, quite young, I was happy to concentrate on career and home with DH. It was a relief not to "need" friends. He didn't have a lot of friends either. I had work friends, but nothing ever translated to outside work.

When I had DC, I "made" myself socialise for their sake, and had 2 nice groups I did play dates and the occasional mums' night out with. They were a rock at the time, but fizzled out once DC started school, although I believe some of the others are still in touch.

The primary school years were awful for me. I really struggled with the school gate. It was like being back at school, although I was happy with DH and family, generally, I felt really out of place every time I made any attempt to chat with other school parents.

I joined a hobby group and finally found what I thought was my "tribe". I spent a lot of time with them on the hobby, but also days and evenings out with those people doing other things, and as couples with all our spouses. They became a huge part of my life.

Then DH died, and they all disappeared overnight. Even while I was planning the funeral, all contact dried up. They did come to the funeral, but I've barely seen them since. Initially I did make an effort to contact them, but responses were so luke warm I gave up. I still have no idea what happened there.

Afterwards, I found another group, mostly single people, who became a family. We relied on each other for all the practical and emotional support you might otherwise get from a partner. I.e. the group fulfilled all those roles in one way or another, rather than having one person. I'm still very much involved in that, but now have a new partner and I can feel the dynamic changing and things drifting off...

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 02/09/2025 14:36

Friendships are usually for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
It sounds like what you've experienced so far has been the former.
I think when people come into your life, you don't really know which it'll be. It might not be you. I think people have far fewer friends these days than Social Media would lead you to believe.

Newgirls · 02/09/2025 14:41

It sounds normal to me.

hobby friends can be just that - people to enjoy nice times with. So please don’t be cross or too sad that they were disappointing when your DH died. Some friendships are light and those are valuable in themselves

we need new friends throughout our lives as we get new jobs, new partners etc and have more in common with them.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 02/09/2025 14:42

I think a lot of people try and jump to friends rather than settle for acquaintances.

Are you taking new do with you to your current group?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page