People don’t look at me when I’m pushing a buggy

[Sera1989]

Has anyone else noticed this happen to them?

I live in a reasonably friendly area. You say hi to older people when you pass them in the park, smile when you pass someone on the street, and it’s pretty ok to look at people and make eye contact on the street or in shops (as opposed to a big city where you might just look ahead/keep your head down).

But when I push a buggy people just don’t look at me. Sometimes I will look at someone to smile when passing and it’s like they’re trying so hard to look anywhere else. Even when they make room for me on a narrow street it’s a rare person who will actually look at my face.

There’s nothing weird about the buggy or child which would mean looking in my direction would be rude. The only people who don’t do this are other women with buggies (but men with buggies will look right through me) or friendly old people on the bus/street.

It just feels so bizarre that as soon as I push the buggy I become invisible. (I babysit, no DC of my own yet, so it’s not just people are becoming less friendly over the years). Is it because people are so worried about being called a pedo for glancing at a baby? Or is it some kind of subconscious thing like because I’m probably not single and fertile I’m not worth looking at?

I'm usually too busy smiling and pulling faces at the baby to look at who's pushing the pram tbh.

No I don’t find this at all.

If anything I find 10x as many people talk to me when I’m out with the buggy.

I've never clocked whether i get 'checked out' pushing a buggy (I guess probably not but that might have more to do with my appearance than the buggy) but I definitely don't feel invisible when pushing a buggy. Quite the opposite. I get smiles, people like to look at the baby / toddler etc., people chat to me. Things that would never happen if I was on my own.

Oh interesting! I thought it might be a universal experience but clearly not. Well then I wonder what it is about me that makes people do this… if anything I’m walking slower and more likely to smile or chat when I have a child with me compared to on my own

Complete opposite experience for me and I live in London (albeit outer London) - everyone smiles, says hello, chats when I have the buggy and nothing when I’m on my own!

How old are you. You say babysit which to me your either very young under 20 or pensionser. As if your fulltime job was minding kids you say a childminder. So might be age related. Because if im out with my DC or my dog id get more hellos then if im alone

I quite like it. I feel very safe pushing a buggy, even when walking through dodgy parts of town late at night. Never had any bother or unwanted attention with it.

How bizarre!

No, the opposite in fact, since having my baby I get way more people smile, say hello, start conversations than before baby was here

Opposite here too,

We’re down south and people are generally friendlier when I’m out with the buggy. A lot of hellos, a lot of smiles, and a lot of cars stopping and letting us cross.

Part of that is probably as some still find it unusual a ‘bloke’ out on his own with a toddler!

No I don’t find this is true for me, your likely overthinking it and reading too much into it.

It's a different kind of attention, in my experience -- men are less likely to relate to you as a sex object, for one thing, because you look less available/less likely to be single/more on 'mother mode' (even if you aren't the parent), and some people at least are less likely to smile at you because they're smiling at the baby.

On the other hand, having a baby in a pushchair in some shops with a shoplifting problem can make you of surpassing interest to some security guards. Combine a buggy with a shifty expression, and you're of Enormous Interest.

I have never felt that I am less looked at when pushing a buggy.

I wonder if you are misinterpreting the body language of people who pass by without making contact? Could it just be that, when walking past a buggy people's eyeline needs to be slightly different when judging where to step? The visual checks need to be slightly lower, and slightly ahead of the buggy-pusher?

Another possibility is just that you feel more self-conscious pushing a buggy, since it is moderately new for you, so are more sensitive to what passers-by may or may not be doing.

I find more people stop for a chat, especially near my house where we knew people by sight but now talk. I find that I've become invisible and people don't move out of the way at all now on the High Street, whereas they used to make a little bit of space. I confess that I now just drive the pram straight into them. DH experiences the same (and is considering fitting flame throwers and spikes to the front) so it's apparently more complicated than simple sexism. I'm ashamed to say that I now have massively more appreciation of wheelchair users.