Does anyone else feel less patient and unselfish as they get older?

[AliceMaforethought]

Just as I say. I used to be quite the people pleaser and care a lot about others think and put myself out. Recently, though, I have not been quite so nice. Just twice this weekend, I have drawn boundaries in a way that I haven't before: the first time a family friend stuck her nose in where it wasn't wanted and I just stared her down, and the second time I got my grocery delivery driver to actually carry my stuff up the stairs of my apartment building instead of meeting them by the door and lugging it up myself. I don't know if it's because I'm in my forties now, but I'm just done with people's shit and less pliable than I used to be. Is anyone else the same?

I think this is a side effect of the menopause and of ageing. I am finding that I care less what others think of me. I do care a little, but nothing like the agonies of self-consciousness I experienced when younger.

I feel sometimes like I’ve just woken up - and I refuse to be the doormat that I once was. So now if something is bothering me I say it. My tolerance for batshittery is much lower than it ever was.

I’m still respectful and kind as much as possible. But as an example, someone whom I’ve been friends with for a while is generally quite a negative person. In fact I’d go so far as to say they’re a proper whinger. And after putting up with several continual hours of whinging the other week I did tell them to knock it off. And explained it’s difficult to spend time with them when every comment they make is negative. I was pushed to my limit. Did I feel like a bitch? Yes I did. Did I explain I can’t be their personal counsellor? Yes I did that too. Did I suggest grabbing a coffee and having a quiet peaceful walk to regather our thoughts and calm down? I did that too and it worked for both of us.

I think I'm a selfless as I probably always was.
I am a lot less patient though.
I'm still working on not caring as much about what people might think of me.
Sometimes I worry about what kind of impression I'm leaving and other times I don't give a ....
I think aging is a process that shows itself in many ways.
The longer we live the more we observe people taking advantage of others, and ourselves, and that has an effect over time.
So yeah, OP, good for you for getting the delivery guy to carry your grocery order upstairs,instead of lugging it up the stairs yourself!

I'm a lot less patient with excessive noise, especially from iPads and phones.

Oestrogen is the “play nicey nicey” hormone (tend and befriend). As levels drop it’s like a veil lifting and you see that shit for what it is. I’ve found it very freeing.

Im 56 and post menopausal. I am very unwilling to put up with any bullshit now. Yes the delivery driver should help with getting stuff into the house

Yip. Once you hit 40 there seems to be a shift towards, "I'm not dealing with anyone else's shit anymore". It's very liberating!

That's interesting about oestrogen, I have heard before that it's the nurturing hormone which makes women pliable and caring. So once it decreases and disappears, it makes sense that women no longer feel the same urge to bend over backwards and put up with others people's non stop demands.

Thank you all for your perspective, I'm glad it's not just me! That said, my tenderness towards cats has no whit abated.

@AliceMaforethought same here. I love my cats but sometimes they are little buggers 😂

Yeah I'm 50 I'm very much intolerant i had TWO men pull onto my side of the road today I stopped my car pulled as far over to the left as I could they both were gesturing and yelling about me and my audacity for being on the "right" side of the road I stayed calm with the first one he was reversing SO SLOWLY out of his parking place when I came around the corner he continued to go at a snails pace and positioned himself nose towards my car i tucked my car over as far as I could but short of pulling my car over to the wrong side of the road i couldn't do ANYTHING

Continue on a guy pulls around the corner onto my side of the road slams his brakes on flaps his arms around corrects his steering goes past shouting i shouted back ITS NOT ONE WAY GET ON YOUR SIDE OF THE ROAD IDIOT he looked shocked

They were both in the wrong and loudly wrong a few years ago I would have ignored it moved on taken the abuse today I decided not too I'm fed up its a car park be fucking careful if you cant see my car you can't see a child or another adult

Dickheads loads of dickheads

They sound stupid and dangerous. Good for you for not putting up with their shit.

I completely agree. I still put my kitty first but everyone else? I am definitely no longer happy to be a people pleaser - far less patient and tolerant and way more willing to call people out on utter bullshit!

I can’t be arsed with people’s shit. I’ve had it with male drivers thinking they’re billy big balls.

men get called out on their bullshit behaviour, can’t be arsed with them. My ds is quietly impressed I think, he either is mortified that I’m standing up to a 6 foot 4 thinks he’s god man or he’s shaking his head saying I am one of the few women he knows that can stand up for themselves.

i feel like saying to him that’s 48 years of being shat on by the male species including his dad.

What really is starting to piss me off I have friends and family who message me with their problems. Never ask how I am or my family. Now I just let them ramble but don't really respond.

It’s our oestrogen diminishing apparently, in the same way men’s testosterone is building to make them impatient and irritable too!!! I’m fed up of people telling me they find it freeing that they no longer give two shits- my old levels of energy, patience and decency would help a lot better with the crap life throws at you as you get older