DB helping SIL with her trauma but is this approach correct?

[Doesthishelptrauma]

Obviously I don’t know all the details of SIL trauma but I know enough to know that she basically had no childhood, was emotionally abused , sometimes physical
abuse and has very low self esteem and also is ND. She recently very sadly had a breakdown and hasn’t worked since.

We see them quite often and recently she is always upstairs and won’t come down. DB has told us she is reclaiming her teenage years as part of her therapy , she watches things from when she was a teenager, listens to music, relaxes etc. DB is doing everything, he has got a cleaner in 3 times a week as says she needs a complete nervous system ‘reset’. I know he attends one out of every 4 therapy sessions with her (she goes weekly).
He seems exhausted but says it’s temporary but can’t say for how long it depends how SIL is and when she’s ready to take the next step(not sure what the next step is).

To me it seems a bit strange but I’m not a psychologist so I wouldn’t know. Has anyone had a family member go through this kind of therapy? We never push seeing her if we go there and she’s upstairs. I’ve been messaging her sometimes to try to chat a bit / ask how the dc are / see if she wants to go out for coffee, she rarely responds but is it better she at least knows we are thinking of her? I worry a bit that what if she just can’t move on from this and wants to live this life forever ? Or will she just start to feel better again?

I’m really sorry to hear about what your SIL and family are going through - it sounds incredibly tough on everyone. What you describe actually makes sense in the context of trauma recovery. Sometimes people need to reclaim parts of themselves they never got to experience because of what they went through. It can look unusual from the outside, but if she’s working with a therapist who supports this approach, it may be exactly what she needs right now.

It also sounds like your DB is doing an amazing job supporting her, though it must be exhausting for him. The fact that he’s involved in some sessions and has help at home is really positive.

From your side, I’d say keep doing what you’re doing: gently checking in, sending little messages to let her know you’re thinking of her, but without pressure. Even if she doesn’t always respond, she’ll likely feel reassured knowing you care.

Recovery from trauma doesn’t usually happen in a straight line - there can be slow phases that look stuck, then gradual shifts forward. The important thing is she’s in therapy and has support around her.

It’s natural to worry about whether she’ll ever feel better, but with time, patience, and the right professional help, healing is very possible. You’re being a really thoughtful and supportive relative just by asking these questions and being there for her.

Thankyou for such a helpful response. I think I’m just worried that I’ll do the wrong thing somehow and either make her think I don’t care if I don’t try harder to see her but I want to respect her privacy or try and make her stressed ? Then I also worry about DB and keep asking is there anything I can help with but he says he’s fine so maybe its enough to just keep checking in ?