Why do some people stick in your mind forever?!

[WhenWeWereYounggg]

I’m nearly 50.
When I was 19 I had a very intense relationship while travelling the world with someone a few years older than me.
We both went our separate ways as life had other plans for us and I was utterly heartbroken.
30 years later I am happily married to an amazing man I met at university (after my travels). We have a happy life with 2 beautiful children and are the best of friends and lovers. Don’t get me wrong, he drives me nuts on occasion, as would any man, but I do love him deeply.
Back to the guy I had a relationship with when younger - he has, over the years, kept in touch via email (we used to write to one another, but then technology took over! He lives in a different part of the country. He has also been married and brought up a child, who has now grown up. He split up from his partner a few years ago and has settled happily with someone else. He contacted me recently after quite a few years this time - we exchanged some nice emails.
Every time this happens, I can’t get him out of my head! I’ll dream about him. I’ll send one more chatty email. I’ll look at pictures of him and I’ll just feel this deep deep sense of missing him.
It’s ridiculous!
I’m not in any way considering actually meeting up with him. I just deeply miss him and can’t see that ever going away. Why? Am I the only person who feels like this? It’s ridiculous!
I’m a perfectly rational and functioning person in other aspects of my life. Why does this man make me feel like this?!

There's probably a lot of different reasons why you might feel the way you do after reconnecting with this person you had such an intense relationship with 30 years ago.
My first thought was that you're at an age now where sometimes looking back to when you were 30 years younger could make you feel that way.
Being in touch rekindles those intense and lovely feelings, pre university, of when you were footloose and fancy free, and had your life ahead of you to look forward to.
Your life as you describe it sounds lovely; normal ,and you sound very happy so I don't say it's anything to do with that I just think it's that dreamlike feeling we get when we look back to when everything looked rosier, fresher, new, and fun, which is a lovely place to visit now and then.

Do you miss who you were then? And the ‘you’ you were then is inextricably linked with the ‘him’ that he was then? You were young, free, full of optimism, exciting travel, you could have done anything, the world was your oyster. Well, theoretically.

Now you measure up for new bathroom flooring, throw away the last of the milk because it went a bit off and you pay your gas bill. Life is not so exciting.

This man also buys gravy mix, thinks about getting some new socks and pays his electric bill. Life just gets dull sometimes.

Ha! Totally true @NoCommentingFromNowOnI’m sure he’d be just as annoying as any man I might have chosen to live with for the last 20+ years 🤣

I don't think you actually miss him...I think he just reminds you of being young

Yes @Douane- I think you are right.
It’s tied up in a yearning for those happy days when life was completely free, when I could do whatever I liked, travel wherever I liked and become entangled with whoever I liked.

It was a world of possibilities and I was young, slim, adventurous and living life to the absolute fullest ☺️

Am now sandwiched between responsibilities for teenagers and elderly parents… work… blah.

But I do count my blessings, I have a beautiful family and very loving, supportive friends. I realise that I am very lucky indeed.

Thank you for responding. This has lifted me out of my funk 💛

There’s definitely an element of that. He was (then at least) extremely beautiful. And also 8 years older than me. I had separated from my “safe” teenaged love to go travelling at the time and he was a bit of a whirlwind. We just never quite let each other completely go, in that we stayed in contact on and off all these years.

I guess I found the whole thing very exciting. It’s completely ridiculous really and I wouldn’t discuss it with anyone IRL 🙈

You just liked him very much and perhaps that was romantically...we are much more impressionable before the 30s hit. At 35 your whole energy level drops a level and at 40 you are never fresh as you used to be. At 50 you are old cynical woman

Well just enjoy the memories and console yourself with the thought that if you were with him today you'd probably be picking up his socks and wondering why he hadn't taken the sodding bins out like he said he would.

🤣🙌

Oh it was definitely extremely “romantic”

I had a holiday romance in my early 20s and even though I’m happily matched I still google him from time to time to see what he’s up to. Part of the the ‘tug’ is because it was such an amazing time and I think that heightens your senses. I was working in Greece and he was travelling. Our days were spent on the beach, he’d meet me after work at night (I worked in a bar), and we’d go dancing. We were young and beautiful without a care in the world - life was sun, music, love. It wasn’t real life - he’s a 55 year old accountant now. It wouldn’t be the same - but glorious memories.

☺️ it really wouldn’t! 😆