I’m having a bit of burnout at the moment because while my husband and I do split household and family tasks I feel like since having the kids the additional mental load of managing everything connected to them has fallen to me. So as examples I book their wraparound & after school classes, I figure out the logistics to get them everywhere they need to be, I do food shopping/cooking as my “jobs” so I have to think about their packed lunch requirements, plan around everyone’s likes/dislikes etc, I keep an eye on clothes/shoes and note when they need new ones as they grew out, I look for holiday care options. I seem to have a constantly running list of things to check are done and even if my OH actually does half of them I still am always the one who seems to have the checklist and make sure they are all done. If something is missed and I’m ever even a bit irritated he’ll default to you didn’t ask me to do that and I struggle to articulate fully why I find it so irritating as a response but it’s to do with the idea that it reinforces that he ultimately sees it as my responsibility overall.
He has areas of the household stuff where he does take on the whole thing (all annual renewing bills and keeping MOT/car stuff up to date he keeps track of as one example). Prior to kids we had a split that worked well and we both found it very manageable. With the kids, particularly as they have got older and do a huge variety of activities that bucket of mental load has got bigger and bigger and honestly I just want to share it. We’ve talked about it and he’s open to sharing but he wants to find a way to split it up so he has bits that are clearly his vs bits that are clearly mine. Both of us are not quite sure how you break it up successfully. So for people who have it working well - how do you manage it?