To be unsure re boundaries

[ItalianRedParka]

Im undergoing counselling and I've realised I have poor boundaries i think ? Its like I either over react or under react. We went through some scenarios and Im still unsure if I acted correctly so to speak ! Does that make any sense ? Its like I 2nd guess myself

I don't think it's about getting the right answer Op, it's about your therapist understanding you and seeing where you need help, if you make it up you're not going to get the best from their help.
Think of it like having your eyesight checked, there's no right answers, just how much you can see

I haven't made anything up.
We talked about things that have happened in the past and talked through whether I did the right thing that's all.

Sorry @ItalianRedParka I misunderstood your post. I think we all doubt ourselves like this, it's so much easier to say or do something in theory than in real life. I know I've just gone quiet to avoid trouble then later I think of all sorts of sharp replies.

Boundaries take a while to work out and are tied up with self esteem and assertiveness. You're not always going to get it right and that's OK.

Some tips while you work it out: You decide your own boundaries and it's up to you how you deal with infractions. For example, a friend is always late and you find it disrespectful. You can assert a boundary eg talk to them about it and explain how it makes you feel. If they do it again, you can cut the friendship loose.

Mirror other people's behaviour, in that way others can't take advantage and you don't give more than them. Give people three (or two, depends on you) shots, after the third infraction, let the relationship go.

I think the issue is i have boundaries in my head but don't communicate them. We talked about the time I had a housemate and I was having the bathroom done. She burst in on me naked in the bath demanding I sort the bathroom fitter out and ranted and raved. I asked her to move out a week later and was told I'm unreasonable.

That's because boundaries are tied up with self esteem and assertiveness. You need to work on both so you can get to a point where you feel as though you deserve respect and have the skills to assert that.

I dont think i was unreasonable though!

We discussed boundaries again today in counselling and I feel we made progress. We discussed how I dont have to go 100% into things I dont want to I can just do 50% and maintain a boundary. Its odd if you've never been taught about boundaries