I understand tonight how affairs can happen!

[chickenwings2]

I had a ONS over 15 years ago and it made an impact. I really liked the guy but never saved numbers properly and it stung as I truly felt chemistry like never before. Anywho fast forward now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in such a loving and fulfilling relationship and I bumped into this guy after all this time and the pull was electric. We spoke and I said that I thought he really wasn’t that into me and he said that totally wasn’t the case. I explained I’m happy and settled and would never do anything and he was ever so respectful. We probably won’t see each other again but goodness the chemistry was electric and I’m just reminding myself how grateful I am for my current situation as who the heck knows what could’ve been the grass isn’t always greener.

How could it have totally not been the case but he didn't save your number?

If he really wanted a relationship, hell would've frozen over before he left without your number.

Lust. Limerance. Hormones.

Yes, some people are weak.

Glad you didn't succumb. Many others do.

This was back in the day and just didn’t keep track on phones and links like it’s done now. I think I took his number wrong and maybe got a fb message but didn’t follow it up

I don't condone cheating but I believe it happens when we're not satisfied in our relationship at home. When you're happy, fulfilled, respected etc you don't need to feel that emotion elsewhere - and of course you don't want to hurt someone who is so good to you either.

Agree with PP - I don't condone cheating at all.

Also agree that dissatisfaction in the relationship can make people more open / vulnerable to outside approaches / opportunities.

More specifically, I think boredom and poor communication are huge factors.

Also came on to say as @FattyMcFattyArse mentioned: lust and hormones are really underrated / underestimated.

I am peri menopausal and I am actually shocked at myself. I am divorced so it wouldn't be an affair but I am so surprised at the lust / “connection” / physical attraction I feel towards a man I am getting to know. It would never have been like this 10 years ago. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation of young children/working FT/running a home (practically solo - hence divorce)? I dont recognise myself at the moment (the lustiness).

I totally understand what you mean OP. I am happily married with kids and living the dream etc, but I bumped into an ex recently, who was unbelievable in the bedroom area, and an arsehole everywhere else. But that pull, it was instant, my tummy was all a flutter! Thankfully my brain remembered what a d*ck head he was and how happy I currently am. Lust is a powerful thing clearly!

@chickenwings2 do you think you're romanticising it? Mirroring his vibe?

If you didn't follow up on a message then maybe it wasn't what you remembered it to be.

I'm in the process of divorcing (waiting for house purchase to go through).

I realised after years of mediocrity and low level unhappiness that if the opportunity presented itself for an affair i probably would have taken it, and that is not who i want to be or something i want to subject STBxH to. But i have a massive need for intimacy, open two way communication and chemistry, and I'd struggle to say no. So i initiated the divorce proceedings.

Forbidden love, no strings sex, novelty, no need to commit, no need to worry about the long term, no need to meet the friends or family, no division of chores, no squabbling about the electricity bill, easy exit excuse. It is pretty obvious why affairs are appealing to both men and women.

They are also totally devastating to the cheated on person and usually the children as well. I think they are a sign of weak will and selfishness, more than a relationship slump.

Interesting the number of people who think dissatisfaction with a relationship is why people embark on an affair. In my experience, people who embark on affairs are often in good, stable relationships but are dissatisfied with some aspect of themselves and are trying to somehow address that. It’s not about something being missing in their relationship, it’s something missing in themselves. Once they realise the issue lies with them, not their partner or relationship, it’s a game changer.

I think the reasons vary.

I've seen friends have affairs that amount to a very brief overlap in relationships where they were obviously very unhappy but needed the impetus to leave, because they felt trapped for whatever reason (emotional abuse, family/ societal expectations etc).
In one friends case this has lead to a long happy marriage with 3 further kids.

Everyone is different.

I think it’s defo a personal issue that causes cheating whether or not they are amplified by relationship issues. Also mad how lust can be. I’ve never understood how people get to the point to have sex with someone else (like the bits in between the act - arranging it ect) but I totally get it now