Following on from Mum demanding monthly payments…

[Lifeisinshambles]

Hey everyone.
Sorry for starting another thread, I’ve been feeling okay for the last few days, but it’s all hitting me again now.
Feeling extremely sad about it all.
That she won’t be there to see me get married (if and when that happens), she won’t ever see my future children, I won’t ever be able to just call her up when I need advice on something again, and just thinking of everything about the whole thing is really upsetting me.
But then it is also upsetting me in the opposite way too, that I’m remembering my entire childhood and everything that happened throughout that. I am actually angry that I was handed this card in life.
I think it’s all hitting me more now that it’s becoming clear they’re not coming back, I’m finding it hard to wrap my head around.
I’ve got a therapy phone call booked for Monday morning, I’m sure that will unpack some stuff but tbh I’m not sure where to start!

If anyone has any harsh truths, advice or just any reassurance then that would be lovely.

Do you have an aunt to take on a bit of a mom role? Older neighbor?

5plusno I don't think minimising what the OP is going through is helpful. Ending contact with your parents and having to process a childhood of being mistreated is a lot to deal with psychologically, it's a huge trauma and grief. Yes it's good to look forwards too, but the OP also needs support to process these feelings.

Well, parents would be nice!

Thank you.

You are grieving the loss of the parents you should have had; and knowing that they will never become the loving parents you want them to be.

Be kind to yourself.

Erm, I started the other threads for genuine advice as I didn’t know what to do, and was only then starting to realise that perhaps my childhood and general family life wasn’t normal.

I think this is healthier than bottling everything up. If I had, then I wouldn’t have ever made these realisations that I have now. Yeah, it’s a lot to work through, but you don’t have to respond?

I had no idea you were so young. This must be terribly hard. I went through my 20's parentless, because they were both dead - it was an awful time. Hugs to you.

Oh op. I remember your threads. You have done so well to maintain a distance for this long, and you are allowed to feel angry and upset that you have had to do this, and that you are being deprived of having your parents at your wedding/in your life, even if, deep down you know it's for the best.

I had similar feelings when I had my little ones and my mum was behaving bizarrely - not cruelly, like yours, and it was a while before we recognized her early onset dementia, which meant she could never again do the things we had planned and hoped for. It's tough. For what it's worth, MNet was a huge help for me. All of those things I would have phoned her up to ask, I came on here instead. A hug? Hopefully your dp, and your friends can step up for you. Babysitting/being a nana? Our wonderful elderly neighbour loved our kids, and stepped in at times. We built a community around us, which could never totally replace a real family, but which did a pretty good job when needed.

Hang on in there. Take it a step at a time, and build a new future with folks who will look after you, as well as letting you care for them. x