am I weird for finding sarcastic strangers awkward

[ldnflatshareNC]

perhaps an unpopular opinion to dislike sarcasm because I notice on dating apps people will almost boast about their sarcasm on profiles eg “fluent in sarcasm” or something like “good flirt to roast ratio”

Disclaimer I’m a shy autistic person so struggle to see the appeal. I can take small doses of sarcasm but hate when it’s too much especially coming from a stranger. It’s different with close friends in my opinion

I just came back from a first date this evening, matched on an app, first time meeting.
The guy was very sarcastic but I feel a bit awkward around overly sarcastic people, like there’s only so much I can play along or forced laugh😬

especially when the sarcasm is mocking things I’ve said if that makes any sense… after a while I just presume the stranger finds me annoying

A shame because the guy was extremely handsome but the constant sarcasm was bit overbearing. I probably sound very fussy but couldn’t help being put off

I was gonna say, as an autistic person, sarcastic, witty, 'doesn't suffer fools' people are terrifying x

I think sarcastic people are great!

Im not autistic but i would read ‘fluent in sarcasm’ as
‘thinks he’s hilarious, but is actually cringe and annoying’

Could you give examples? I’m struggling to imagine a first date where one person says something and the other comes back either a sarcastic riposte over and over.

oh god yes, anyone who prides themselves on "not suffering fools gladly" is absolutely going to hate me - I avoid them like the plague!

OP the saying used to go "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit" and I think it's because it doesn't take much doing (you just say something in a weird voice) and isn't particuarly funny.

OP - it’s not a matter of opinion, as in doesn’t matter what others like or prefer.
When you date - you are looking for a person that works for you. And if something puts you off - then it doesn’t work.

However - I’ll say one thing here. It is also possible you are misreading their ‘sarcasm’.
it is unlikely they are making fun of you on a first date, or find you annoying. It is far more likely - they are feeling stressed on a first date and mask it with humour - as people often do. And you misread their humour as sarcasm.

Finally - I think it’s idiotic to put - fluent in sarcasm - so won’t even bother swiping on those.

good ‘flirt to roast ratio’ = wanker

OP - it’s not you, it’s them.

Thanks, I guess I just feel a bit ridiculous for turning down someone who otherwise ticked all my boxes for something so superficial as not liking his OTT sarcasm /humour.

that’s an interesting point about how they could simply be masking nerves with humour.
As I’ve never been a funny witty person, being around sarcastic strangers then makes me feel more self conscious of how I’m extra boring and awkward in comparison. & I just presume they don’t like my people pleasing / reserved personality

I would only be sarky with people I know really well. It's a particular type of humour that can be taken the wrong way isn't it? For me being sarcastic with strangers shows a lack of social skills. You don't know how that's going to land. It's something you ease into.

Sorry, I meant to add that no, you're not weird for finding it awkward when someone you don't know is sarcastic.

YANBU at all to find it awkward.

And I say that as someone who absolutely loves sarcasm!

But it's not for everyone and really and truly he should've read you and calmed it down or stopped.

You two just aren't a match.

There's a reason for the saying that sarcasm is the lowest form of with.

Look - first dates are not easy for many people. And communication styles of people
differ - and sometimes it takes a while to figure out how to interact with someone.

So - in the case of meeting somebody that worked on many levels - I’d personally give it a little more time before discarding them.

Men do bot come to first dates to put you down. They try to impress you - and can do it in an awkward way. They will slow down with ‘humour’ once they are a little more comfortable and know you better.

So - don’t worry about ‘not being witty’. Men are perfectly happy with thinking THEY are the funny ones, center stage - because they think women like it.

It is insecurity thing, very often. Where you get quiet, they pile up defensive ‘humour’.

So - see the guy again, and dont be al hard on yourself!!!

OP you’ve just articulated perfectly something I’ve experienced so many times. Yes, so awkward and just leaves me feeling uneasy

I came here to say thanks for expressing this. I always feel..awkward...when I read that on a profile.

On one hand, I think sarcasm can sometimes just be mean. It's also not a humour that dates well (pardon the pun).

I also think it makes them sound a bit immature...I have a sarcastic older brother so that may be coloring my judgment!

I also worry that they'd pick something that would offend me. I turned up to a date with a paper print out of directions. My date ripped the piss out of me. I mean is it that unhelpful?!

It's the border with scornful mocking I dislike.

Humour I much prefer is self deprecating humour - the ability to laugh at oneself.

That's not sarcasm

Yes, and the OP hasn’t given any examples of her date’s sarcasm.

No, I know... I was just responding to another PP about "suffering fools gladly."

Sarcasm is saying the opposite of what you mean, in a tone that conveys you don't really mean it. I don't mind it, but I can imagine it would absolutely do your head in if you were autistic!

Not see the thread needs any really does it? It's not hard to recognise when someone is being sarcastic.

Sarcasm is fucking boring.

No, not for a neurotypical person who is used to different types of humour, but the OP self-describes as shy, autistic, people-pleasing and reserved, and yet seems to have encountered vast numbers of heavily sarcastic people, including a man who apparently spent their entire first date openly mocking her, and while she dislikes sarcasm, she also describes sarcastic people as ‘funny and witty’ and as showing her up as ‘extra boring and awkward’ — so no, I’m not convinced she does know what sarcasm is.

ooh you got me there @TotalMaelstrom 😂I’ve been found out, I’m autistic so naturally delusional and lying about the whole thing…

Tbh I’m quite surprised you’ve not encountered anyone who claims to like sarcasm and or “roasting” on dating app prompts

I even just googled “fluent in sarcasm dating” and multiple posts came up mentioning this is popular/overused on dating apps so seems I’m not the only one to have encountered this? Even two news articles about it lol

& sorry my sentencing/grammar isn’t perfect (damn I didn’t think my post would be scrutinised this much, considering it was just light hearted topic!!😂)

she also describes sarcastic people as ‘funny and witty’. @TotalMaelstrom
sorry for confusion because I didn’t think people would analyse my posts to this extent. I actually didn’t mean it like that, I just meant to say I have never been funny or witty. I presume ^sarcastic people may naturally think they’re more funny and witty than me, and they may think I’m boring in comparison (although I’m maybe projecting here)

TBF, I read Maelstrom's post as saying that this guy might just have been a bit nervous and not trying to be sarcastic or mocking you, but your ND means you read it in a more negative tone than he intended.

And that in itself is an example of how you may have read a more negative tone I someone's post than an NT person (ie me) would have.

Just editing to add - I genuinely am trying to help you see the differences in how people interpret a post, I really hope that I've conveyed that because I am trying to help. You sound lovely and I am sure that people probably aren't being mean to you as much as you think.

I find it derisible when people feel the need to tell
me how sarcastic they are, it’s not an attractive trait at all.