is anyone else's DH / partner this moody

[Mitrr]

I really need some advice. Ive come on here as I have had a crap time as a kid and really can't see red flags / poor boundaries / accepting shit. I honestly don't know what a normal healthy relationship should look like.

I have been with my DH for 18 years and I find the relationship just exhausting. He's moody for no reason. I have no idea what I've done. He'll speak to me rudely, won't even make eye contact, stops talking to me and withdraws from family life but that's not very noticeable as he's not very involved with the kids anyway. Then suddenly he'll talk to me okay, he might chat to the kids and it's okay for a day or so and then he's back to his moodiness again. This has been going on since I've met him.

I know this sounds stupid but I honestly don't think this was anything that bad. Over the years I've just leaned to avoid him when he gets like that and not say anything back and just act as normal as I can. Answering back just makes things worse.

I feel really lonely and just feel exhausted. Ive tried talking to him about it but he says that I'm always having a go at him and that he will always be a disappointment to him. I can't get through to him how much it is affecting me and at times I even think that I am overreacting as there's people in much worse relationships. I've tried talking about this so many times, I just don't know what to do. I've even said It makes me want to leave and he says that go if you want to but you'll struggle. He is right. I don't earn much as I have always had to work around the kids and school and I've only ever done low paid work to fit around them.

Oops I messed up the title. Should have read - is anyone else's DH / partner this moody.

If you are married you are entitled to half - This is no way to live OP.

To answer your question: Yes, my first DH was very much like that.

Just to add: My second DH is very much NOT like that.

Make of that what you will 😉 and good luck!!!

No-one should stay in a relationship that's making them unhappy. If he's speaking to you in a nasty way on a regular basis then you shouldn't put up with it. See a solicitor for legal advice.

Oh bless you this sounds exhausting just listening to it.

a normal loving relationship should make you feel better not worse - a DH should be someone you confide in, chat to after a long day, yes, you might both have a moan and yes, you might argue occasionally but when the negative start to outweigh the positives and in my view it’s time to call it a day as life is just too short.
Yes, it might be a struggle on your own, but isn’t a struggle already? You’ll be entitled to half so you may find you’re not as badly as you thought. This type of relationship is not a good example for your kids either, so I’d suggest if you want to break the cycle & not see your own children in toxic relationships because they don’t know any better, you need to seriously consider leaving.

Wikivorce
Divorce for Dummies
Family solicitor websites

You say you've spoken to him many times about this. He's not going to change OP, which means you are going to have to. It's been a long marriage and the divorce laws will take into account your lower earning power due to the children. Meanwhile, in order to cheer yourself up while you plan your escape, is there any way you could look for a new and better paid job? It will give you a boost and change of scene and might refresh you and strengthen your resolve.

You need to read Let Them by Mel Robbins and follow her advice on Let them, Let me. Do you really want to live like this? Do you feel you deserve better?

So many people (I’m loathe to say ‘men’ because some women are the same) never develop mature adult emotional responses. They’re like children who can’t articulate when something is wrong, so use the cold shoulder and snappy responses to demonstrate their unhappiness and to try and get their own way.

It is the height of manipulation. It is abusive. Tell him to grow the hell up or leave.

my partner was like this, with occasional explosive rage thrown into the mix. It started when we met, but the instances of grumpiness and rage got more and more frequent, especially when he was under pressure or stressed at work (which was almost always). He was also extremely demanding in terms of running the household, cleaning, standards for the children, food choices etc but expected me to do it all (according to how he wanted it done). I realised over time that I didn’t want my whole life to be like this, but although I work full time and have a good salary his was double mine, so I doubted that I could manage alone (in London, so super expensive housing etc). But I started saving as much as I could and planning secretly, and a few years after this first realisation - and with his rage having become almost permanent - in April I rented a flat and moved out when he was away for a work trip. It was bloody hard, and I’m not saying we’re through the hard bit yet (we are really not emotionally separated yet tbh, and need to sell the house etc) but I know I did the right thing to not have to walk on eggshells in my own home. It is so exhausting in the long term to live like that and I’m sorry that you’re going through it. Nobody else can tell you if it’s time, or if you should put up with it or leave, but a friend told me you don’t make the decision to leave all on one go, it’s like peeling an onion and little by little you realise that you’re getting closer to it. Good luck OP whatever you decide

No and I couldn't live with someone like that. He sounds like a petulant toddler.