Nearly bit through my tongue. At last it's over.

dogcatkitten · 28/08/2025 16:58

Just keep reminding her how awful he was if she starts to weaken.

Neevo · 28/08/2025 17:02

It might be worth getting her involved with women’s aide and on the freedom programme so she can start to recognise these patterns in the future.

ToTheStarsToTheSea · 28/08/2025 17:02

Well done to your daughter, and what a huge relief for you all. Just keep communication open, reiterate - and model - what a healthy relationship looks like. But refrain from saying/implying "I told you so."

mumofoneAloneandwell · 28/08/2025 17:03

Oh god, what an awful boy

He reminds me of Joel on eastenders, b
Very red pill 🤢

So glad she is free of him! Everything crossed for you that it stays that way ❤️

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 28/08/2025 17:06

Encourage her to make plans with friends.. A bit of freedom and new memories that don't include him. Get him in the past quicker imo.

TwoBlueFish · 28/08/2025 17:09

Wrong thread

SeaToSki · 28/08/2025 17:11

any chance you can take her off for a week away somewhere for a break...would reduce the chances of him turning up to apologize and wheedling his way back in. and then post lots of photos of you two having fun on social media..keep him disgusted with her (so to speak)

CoalTit · 28/08/2025 17:11

Congratulations!
A good friend has recently had the same relieved feeling as an increasingly controlling boyfriend broke up with her young adult daughter before he could get her pregnant. She can't tell her daughter how pleased she is, of course.

Cherrysoup · 28/08/2025 17:13

I think I’d be keeping your list in your OP and reminding her if she thinks she should forgive him. He sounds appalling.

autienotnaughty · 28/08/2025 17:25

He views her as his possession. He’s unlikely to stay away. She needs to block all contact methods. He’s likely to be very nice, sorry and keen to make amends. And if that doesn’t work he will be insulting. And hopefully his ego will end it there. It sounds like she’s had a lucky escape.

Original poster

Imfat · 28/08/2025 17:31

I didn't want to mention he is from a different culture. Turkish.
His father is very sexist and I think he has give his opinion.
It's scary this lad was born here.
More worrying this lad is still at college which DD goes to.
Fortunately her cousins are in the same place.

OP posts:

Velmy · 28/08/2025 17:33

Imfat · 28/08/2025 16:52

Our DD when she was 16 started to see a young man who was 17.
He was always very friendly and polite.
After 8 months he started to criticise the way she dressed.
After 12 months he tried to stop her hanging out with her female cousins.
15 months it was her weight. (Size 6)
All this time we have gently advised her that it's not a normal relationship.
But of course she knew best and that he 'loved her's. The Friday before last they went to a party with her cousins and he started to humiliate her
'skirt to short' just above her knee.
'top was too low' square neckline not even a hint of breast.
'hair was too long' it's shoulder length.
He then called her a disgusting 'whore' dirty 'slag' then finished with her.
She came home in tears.
On the Saturday he called and said he was sorry. She forgave him.
Fast forward to last weekend and she came out for a family meal she is now 18
so had a small glass of wine. He was invited but declined. On Monday morning I posted the photos on FB. He decided we were all drunk. We weren't.
Tuesday her older brother was at the gym and this lad didn't see him as he was showing these photos to his mates saying we were disgusting pigs.
Ds told DH as he didn't know what to do. It has come out about his comments from another friend of the family.
DD has finally opened her eyes to the abuse and asked him not to contact her again.
Please please let him get the message to stay away.

He brother should have flatlined him in the gym, the little sausage.

Glad your daughter has seen the light!

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 28/08/2025 17:41

I was so hoping that either her DB or DF had given him a good going over talking to.

FluffyBoob · 28/08/2025 17:55

Imfat · 28/08/2025 17:31

I didn't want to mention he is from a different culture. Turkish.
His father is very sexist and I think he has give his opinion.
It's scary this lad was born here.
More worrying this lad is still at college which DD goes to.
Fortunately her cousins are in the same place.

Going with a different culture raises all these red flags. Turkish girls may accept his behaviour better

Ratafia · 28/08/2025 17:56

Do help your daughter to see this as a really lucky escape. If possible, encourage her to go out and about with her friends rather than moping about at home - she needs to be around normal people with healthy relationships. If word gets back to the ex that she's enjoying life without him, so much the better.

My DD was in a similar controlling relationship for a while. We couldn't do anything about it until she saw the light for herself, and even then she was really reluctant to LTB for fear of how he might react. When she finally did leave, his suicide threats melted away, though when he heard she'd been seen in a pub with a group of friends which included blokes, he sent some really horrible threats. DD had to get the police involved, which finally drove some sense into him, and she is forever grateful that she escaped him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/08/2025 19:21

Well done all of you for supporting her and being patient. A book by lalalaletmeexplain block delete move on might be helpful for her to read before the next one comes along!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/08/2025 19:22

I hope she blocks him

namechangedforvalidreasons · 28/08/2025 21:37

Watch out for her. Culture aside, the language he has used about you as her family is dehumanising
and his level of certainty, indiscretion and entitlement indicates to me he’s possibly got MH issues. She’s rejected him now and will (hopefully) continue to do so. Keep an eye on her and get her brothers and cousins to do the same. Don’t be scared to involve the police if he doesn’t go quietly.

Onlyseeingitnow · 28/08/2025 21:58

It’s great that she has seen the light. But these teenage relationships can keep going back and forth.

Please know that a woman is at most risk of violence and escalating abuse from her partner when she leaves and for the two years following.

He will not like seeing her out and about. She needs to be mindful on SM. She needs to take her safely very seriously and never meet him alone. She needs to have zero tolerance for any threats or stalking even if this is online - straight to the police - who will take it seriously. She needs to know that if you ask someone not to contact you and they do so more than twice after it constitutes criminal offence of stalking.

Make sure college are aware that she is a victim of emotional violence and her spurned perpetrator is also attending. Her friends need to be vigilant on her behalf and be wary of his friends.

He will try to reel her back into punching distance with love-bombing etc - she needs to know this tactic.