Uni doubts, is it normal?

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My DD is due to go to uni on 13th September. She's going to be four hours away, and it's always been just the two of us, so we're very close.

She's crying every time it's mentioned, she said she doesn't want to leave me or her boyfriend of 6 months. We're both encouraging her that she needs to give it a go as she'll regret it if she doesn't. I'm trying to put a positive spin on it all, but I'm also saying it will be hard to leave but she'll soon settle in.

Any tips on how to make her feel better as she's really struggling at the moment. I'm thinking it's also normal as it's such a huge step!

I remember feeling like this and I struggled terribly. I ended up moving to a uni much closer to home and lived at home and it was the best thing I ever did.

It sounds like you are taking the right tone and giving her great advice. Maybe it's also worth pointing out that video calls are an option and even planning for you to visit her (if that's possible) part way through the term.

For my DD it's not as intense as that but these weeks, despite successful results and a place at her first choice, have not be as happy for her as I expected. So I don't think it's unusual.

DD and I were both quite worried about her results so were relieved and thrilled when she met her offer. I thought that then she'd be excited and happy but she has really been all over the place emotionally. She doesn't have any local friends, much less a boyfriend, but I think she is finding the idea of living with 5 strangers daunting even though she wants to meet as many new people as possible to make friends. I think she's worried that she won't find friends and that she will find the academic work difficult.

(When it was my time, I remember being really excited about it all. I went to a US university several states away from my home in a known party city.)

My dd has opted to take a gap year, as she doesn't feel quite ready. I've been supportive as she's summer born so has always been one of the youngest in the year (and has ASD), and I think it'll be good for her to get another year's life experience first . I just hope she doesn't lose her interest in going over the course of the year - I'm hoping by next year she'll be desperate to get away from me! (It's just the two of us, too). Did your dd consider a gap year?

Why did she choose somewhere so far away?

I went to uni four hours away from home but deliberately to get some space away from my overbearing boyfriend.

She's going to performing arts uni so she had to audition for loads of places. She got into two and this was the best place for her, but not ideal it's so far away.

My DS is going in 3 weeks, about 2.5 hours away.

He actually seems absolutely fine, it’s me who’s decidedly wobbly. I’m so proud of him and excited for him too- I went to uni but I lived at home and I always said that I missed the true uni experience by not moving away. However, I’m finding it hard as a mum. DS has had lots of health problems which doesn’t help with my worries.

Op, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing being positive. She’ll probably love it once she’s there! And if she doesn’t, she’ll have options. Good luck to your dd ☺️

Keep encouraging her to go (and not to give up a place for a boyfriend). Remind her how hard it was to get a place and if she wants a performance career this is part of how life will be. And remind her of the exciting aspects.

For most situations and if it wasn’t partly “I’ll miss my boyfriend” I’d listen to her more and be more sympathetic but going probably is the right thing here.

Has she joined a WhatsApp group for her halls yet?
Then she can plan some Freshers events with other students in the same boat.
Can you pencil in a visit to see her? So she knows she only has 4 or 6 weeks before she'll see you instead of waiting til Christmas.