I need help and advice on how to divorce husband

[DashDanceDare]

Hi.

Things aren't good. Has been ongoing for a v long time. He shouts a lot. I avoid him a lot.
We have 3 children. Two are now adults.
I wish him no harm but cannot live like this any longer.

I need advice on how to get some ideally free initial legal advice, how to make it easier for my teen and how to smoothly deal with this if possible. Also advice and experiences with 'nesting' as a solution to living arrangements.

He will be against splitting up and will likely blame me for splitting up the family.

I have no interest in another relationship. Nothing like that. Just want peace in my home.

We have some equity in house. I earn v little but work almost full time. For some context.

Thanks all in advance.

Speak to Women’s Aid https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

There is also lots of information and advice on https://divorce.wikivorce.com/feedback/wikivorce/wikivorce-customer-reviews.html?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=343651966&gbraid=0AAAAAD8_bjqGvznH6uEbCB1JpEwSqMFIG&gclid=Cj0KCQjw_L_FBhDmARIsAItqgt45AmdRNjmSHPCuJWrPFJosExpAD3ZmPIDrR7Bm1mVf3GNLRD3GptIaAtXCEALw_wcB

Thank you

Has anyone had experience with 'nesting' in order to keep their child in the same place?

You think your husband would move out and then back in to accommodate this nesting idea?

I really don't know tbh

I've never heard of nesting in this context, but if your husband is against splitting up in the first place, he's unlikely to be cooperative at all and then do you really want this shouty, uncooperative man around you and your children for the foreseeable future? Surely you want to build a home for them and yourself where you're free to manage your life as you please, without likely interference from him.

Also perhaps it's worth considering that even though you won't be looking for another relationship, he may well do so and then there'll be another woman having their input into the family dynamic. Would that be a healthy situation for all of you?

Yes, true. It's helpful to get others' opinions as I'm very limited in real life as to who I can talk to about it. Thank you

I absolutely would not advise nesting with an abusive ex.

Many family solicitors will give free 30 minutes advice. Speak to a few to find someone you feel comfortable with.

I believe you can only get legal aid if there has been domestic violence but your solicitor is best placed to advise you on this.

I thought my DC would hate moving but they were totally up for it and more excited than I was!!! How old is DC?

I think you DO know. Read your OP. It's pretty obvious from what you say that he won't agree to anything and you'll need to see a solicitor and sort out the divorce legally, not amicably

Don't nest. It's highly likely he won't voluntarily leave anyway. Aim for the worst case scenario and be pleasantly surprised rather than hoping for something and getting a mental, emotional and financial battering. It's the only way.

When you broach divorce with him you need to be really clear on what you personally can/can't do. Can you afford to buy him out, or him buy you out, otherwise the house will have to go on open market. If he refuses then you can apply to the court to enforce a sale but that costs money and time, but it is doable. If you can't stay in the house do you have family nearby or what rentals are in the area (look on rightmove etc, tweak locations, houses and expectations frequently).

Get a rough idea of salary, pensions (even if only a company name), savings etc and have a one off consultation with a solicitor. Knowing your legal rights is very empowering and you will be able to counter any of his arguments.

Know what YOU want first then work towards it.

how to make it easier for my teen
If his father shouts a lot then he might be very relieved to get out. Be truthful up to a point, ie tell him you are no longer happy and it's obvious his father isn't happy either and it's time to split but no blaming H for the unhappiness. A teen is old enough to decide which parent he wants to live with but make it clear you are planning your future housing with him living with you but it's okay if he wants to live with dad on alternative weeks too. That will give him a feeling of security and a feeling of control about his own future.

Good luck OP, it can feel very daunting at first so break everything up into bullet points and deal with one thing at a time.

Thank you. Neither of us can buy the other out. I can just see it being a bit of a nightmare

This is where Women's Aid and a solicitor will be able to give valuable advice. They will have seen umpteen cases exactly the same as yours and will be able to advise on an appropriate course of action. Until you speak to someone, you won't know what the possibilities are. As stated above, break the whole thing into smaller tasks you can achieve one at a time, then it'll be less daunting and you'll be able to congratulate yourself on each bit of progress you're making.