How do you love yourself?

[SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies]

I hear this all the time that you need to "love yourself" but honestly, how? How do you love yourself when your confidence, self esteem and general approach to life is at an all time low.

Therapy doesn't do shit for things like this. It comes to a point you have to just accept what you are and how you think.

I don't think about loving myself. I have too much to do with emails piling up, reports due, washing loads to put on etc.

Self esteem and confidence increased through gaining experience of mastery. So maybe try learning a new skill rather than ruminating?

By not navel gazing about shit like “loving myself” and “self care” and instead getting outside as much as possible, loads of walking, seeing friends, dragging my teens out with me as much as possible and having a good diet and approach to work / life balance. Oh… and fortnightly manicures, highlights every 3 months, a cut every 8 weeks and eye lash tint every 4 weeks 😆

oh and keeping on top of housework and being uber organised

Therapy didn’t work for me, but CBT helped with self esteem and grounding.

I don't think Ive thought about it in those terms but I suppose it's about treating myself well eg doing things that are important to me, spending time with family and friends, taking care of my health etc.
It's a cliche but how would you treat a friend in your circumstances?

How many people in the world do you love - my kids, DH but not so much.

Accepting yourself with all your failings (and unless you're a psychopath or narcissist) are probably not that bad.
What do you enjoy? Make time for this - this is loving yourself.

I look after myself rather than love myself. I try to eat well, get enough sleep, get fresh air every day and exercise three times a week. Take my vitamins, go to the dentist, get my hair cut. See my friends regularly and keep myself interested by reading and watching interesting things.

These steps sound so boring and routine but are easy to neglect or deprioritise when life gets busy. Treating myself as someone worthy of care is really important to my self-esteem.

Accepting that no one is perfect. If you're having a bad day and all you can do is get out of bed and make yourself something to eat, that's OK. Accepting yourself for where you're at. Being kind to yourself. It takes practice but we show up for ourselves everyday and do what we can. Find little things that make you happy and do them more often.

It's important to value and look after yourself. If you don't, who will? People take you at your self-valuation. If you don't think you're worth much, other people will go along with that. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

My self esteem was on the floor when I finally left my ex.

I started by achieving small goals & praising myself for them, & decided that instead of just thinking ‘I can’t do that’, I’d think ‘Why can’t I do that, what would I need to do to be able to do it & am I bothered enough to make it happen?’ Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn’t.

Nowadays, I look after myself in most of the same ways as people have said upthread. I also actively look out for when I start feeling regrets or beating myself up about something & stop myself.

As well as everything else other posters have said, I think an important aspect of looking after yourself is watching your inner dialogue. How do you talk to yourself? Are you kind and understanding, or are you hypercritical and cruel? We often talk to ourselves on ways we would never in a million years talk to others. And having a nasty running commentary of how stupid/ugly/whatever you are, 24/7, is very harmful for anyone’s mental health.

Radical self acceptance. I am a perfectly imperfect human, doing the best I can with what I've got, much like everyone else. I am good at something's (cooking, active listening, curiousity) and bad at others (housework, being thin, mastery of any long term hobby or sport). I am deliciously average. And that is a huge gift!

Assuming you are living in Western Europe and are literate, you are amongst the luckiest and most privileged people in the world at the moment. Enjoy it! It could all be taken away at any minute!

I also journal, eat good chocolate, listen to great music and spend time with people I love and who love me.

Yes, this.

The most helpful thing I got from having CBT was the concept of rewiring my brain so that when I started on negative thoughts about myself, I’d immediately tell myself ‘That won’t help me’ & switch to something positive. Slowly it becomes a habit.

Reframe it as being a good friend to yourself rather than ‘loving yourself’.

So for example telling yourself you’re worthless because your looks aren’t perfect or you feel socially awkward. You wouldn’t say that to a friend or a sister would you? You’d be kind and helpful. So be kind and forgiving to yourself.

Look at your own strengths and weaknesses objectively rather than in a spiral of self criticism and have her (your) back. Don’t accept shit from others and don’t let them treat you badly.

Think of yourself as valuable and worthy of love and respect. Because you are.

I don’t love myself anymore as I’m not so fond of the person I’ve become since peri menopause kicked in. I can’t find my happy, I don’t know where it went, I have flashes of being content but no happy any more.
So I do things to feel those flashes of contentment, like taking the dog somewhere exciting for him, going for a coffee at a nice place, forcing myself to the gym because I want to to do good for future me.