Has your gut instinct about someone ever proved true?

[Dappy777]

Have you ever had a gut feeling that someone who seemed nice was actually horrible? And has it ever been correct? We have two ways of assessing people (apparently). There is the initial, non-verbal, ‘gut’ reaction, and then there is the rational assessment which follows. Often the two conflict. So you might have a negative gut reaction, but then find your mind saying “no, hang on, give her a chance, she’s probably nice.”

For example, my sister took her dog for a walk shortly after moving to a new area. A guy in his 60s came jogging past and stopped to say hello. He was super friendly and smiley and nice, but she said he made her skin crawl. In spite of the gushing welcome and nice manners there was something ‘off’. She later found out that he was a convicted paedophile. How do we do it? What is it we pick up on? Is it something in the body language or the tone of voice or what?

@NavyLurkerthat’s a good question. It didn’t feel right when I flagged him down, but I dismissed this as absorbing some of the prejudice from the Israeli team I was working with. I was thinking things didn’t feel right when we hit the Ayalon - what I had previously thought was him talking to his dispatcher seemed to be him talking to himself, but when he slowed down and pulled off the road, I got a real sense of fear.

I have heard very similar stories, both online and from friends. It's more common these days for older women to divorce their husbands (the so-called 'silver splitter' phenomenon). Paedophiles and abusers can be incredibly cunning and patient. The dirty old man with greasy hair who abducts a child off the street is relatively rare. Instead, the real danger is men who form relationships with older women, then gain the trust of her children, then, eventually, gain access to the grandchildren. I bet your mother's new partner asked her whether she had grandchildren on their first date. No doubt she showed him photos as well – all the time believing he was an innocent man showing a polite interest in her life. Terrifying.

It is so interesting how our subconscious registers things which we don’t. Have you ever read The Gift of Fear?

I suppose the reverse can also be the case. I mean where people pre-judge a total innocent. My brother is in his 40s, single and childless. He often says that he avoids kids in parks or when walking his dog. He also avoids the teenage girl next door because he worries what her parents will think. It's very sad.

I had an experience like this with the guy who tiled our kitchen. He was recommended by a friend, but I took an instant dislike to him. Again, no obvious reason – he was friendly, smiley, etc. There was just something unpleasant that I couldn't put my finger on. I remember he stroked the dog and then said "another customer had a young dog I wanted to fuss. She [i.e the dog] didn't want to know, but I got her in the end." Sounds kind of innocent, but it repulsed me. If another man had said the same words, I'd have found it sweet. But when he said it it made my skin crawl. An image flashed in my mind of him pinning this dog down and rubbing its tummy. When he'd finished, I was making conversation about holidays, etc, and he said he was going to Thailand. This was a single man in his 60s btw. Again, anyone else and I'd have just thought oh, he must like snorkeling or something. But with this guy it seemed creepy. I later mentioned his name to someone. She made a face and said "ugh, him...he got drunk in the pub one night and told a friend of my husband that he goes to Thailand for the underage girls."

OMG. Obviously he was vile, but I blame your mother even more. What was she thinking!?

Yes, there's been numerous times I've not taken to someone upon first meeting and every time they've turned out to be either false, liars or just knobheads.

I imagine so and unfortunately she was so desperate for a relationship, she put her family at risk for one.

Needless to say I no longer have much faith in our justice system either as despite breaking his licence, he got basically a slap on the wrist, we were assured he would end up with more jail time but it never happened.

But guess who did get a visit from the police when I warned people online because I found out they had moved to a new area and had even been offering to babysit, just seeming like a nice helpful older couple! The police who visited were personally very sympathetic but said in a professional capacity, it was their job to visit and tell me I couldn't do that.

The whole thing was ridiculous. It was years ago. I know they happen to live now very close to a holiday area and it concerns me so much that there is very little that can be done until he is caught again!

Oh I do too. She was so desperate for a relationship, she just didnt care about the risk. I havent seen her in years(this happened 15 years ago), she was never a great parent to begin with but this shocked even me, I never thought she would be this awful.

Yes, we had a temp at work about 20 years ago, in one of the entry level jobs. He was middle aged and very confident and articulate, normally those roles were filled by people straight from school or been there for their entire life older adults. He was overly friendly and a little bit nosy. I didn’t like being on my own with him in the kitchen or wherever. One day he disappeared again and then it was in the local paper that he had been a teacher and just been convicted of having sexual relations with a student.

I have found that my gut feeling is always right. I do sometimes do that thing of thinking I was wrong for a time but in the end, the initial gut feeling has always been right!

It's outrageous how little control we have over these men. How is it possible that we allow a man convicted of abusing a child to have access to other children!?? The people who have to deal with these men must watch them leave prison and hold their heads in their hands. We all know it's just a question of time before they re-offend.

My sisters ExH gave me the creeps from the moment I met him (before they were even together). There was just something I couldn’t put my finger on. When I mentioned this I was accused of being jealous and fancying him. 🤢 Roll on a few years and it turns out he was a violent abuser, rapist and eventually ended up on a sex offender’s register for filming female colleagues in the staff toilets.

The worst part is when I found out that they were offering to babysit people's young children, and because of this made it known and put it on social media, I had the police come round to tell me I shouldn't do that. I explained why and they said although they understand, until he breaks the law (as in gets caught hurting another child) they literally couldn't do anything as he was not on license any more.

I know that they now live in a holiday area very close to a caravan park and it frustrates me that he is in close proximity to children and the police will do nothing until there is a report of him reoffending.

Even when he wasnt supposed to be near children and he was taken back to court for breaking the terms of his license, he was given a warning and that's it. They were convinced he would serve prison time but no, just got a warning and it might have been a fine (was years ago so cant quite remember).

I suspect it's because there's so many of the f-ckers it's simply impossible to track and monitor them all. And that's the ones we know about!! For every one of these scumbags who are convicted there must be 10 or 20 who are never caught. I have known six or seven women in my life who went raped or abused. None of them went to the police.

Like I’m sure a lot of posters will say, at about eleven. I didn’t know he was a paedophile, I don’t know I actually knew exactly what one was, but he made me feel weird and somehow guilty even though I hadn’t done anything. He was sort of knowing and mocking, like he knew you better than you did. Turned out to have committed sex offences against little girls and went to jail.

I’ve had a similar feeling a couple of times off men and it’s made me wonder what they’ve been up to. I tend to ignore my gut more with women than men. Someone we met, vibe immediately struck me as a bit iffy but I said to myself ‘don’t be like that.’ DH is like the human version of a Labrador and finds something good to say about 99% of people. Never trusted her, kept her at a distance. Guess who was taken in and who was right 😂

I've had this weird gut instinct about a few people over the years could never actually work out why I felt they way I did about them. Then I found out they had done some awful things in their lives. Now if my gut is telling me there is something off about someone I avoid them.

A few times.

Most recently was someone who joined my organisation and outwardly was perfectly pleasant and seemed competent, but I just didn’t take to her. She ended up causing me a lot of stress that resulted in sickness for me and a member of my team and eventually two of her team. Shortly after a number of formal grievances were lodged against her.

Another was a “friend of a friend”. She is absolutely lovely to me, has offered help with things (which I declined) and to anyone witnessing our interactions you’d think we were good friends. But I keep her at arms length because I genuinely cannot stand her, yet I have no idea why! It’s a proper visceral reaction but she’s never done a thing to me. My friends know and they try not to arrange situations where we are likely to be together. They’ve told me things she’s done and said to them over the years which have proven my gut that she’s a sneaky little liar; I genuinely cannot understand why they all remain friends with her!

Our brains are hard wired to sense threat. When we do, we can feel it in our stomachs and should always trust our gut instinct.

Yes. This sounds arrogant: but I'm highly empathetic and intuitive and a bit of a deep thinker/analyser/people watcher (it's more of a curse than a blessing to be honest ) and usually pick up subtle cues /vibes about people and their behaviour. I'm often correct.

Mines kind of a reverse of what you asked : but I've always from the beginning thought Lucy Letby was innocent.