Why is the idea of my wedding make me cringe!?

[cringeywed]

Due to get married in six months but I can’t stop myself from cringing when imagining our actual wedding. I think I’m quite a shy person so the idea of being a bit lovey dovey in front of our family and friends is making me feel really cringey. Like what if we have the wedding and it’s awful and everyone is silent? What if people don’t talk/mingle? What if the atmosphere is awful.

it’s not a huge affair by any means and I still feel really nervous.

The fact that you’ve started a thread about this here suggests you don’t feel there’s anyone you trust enough to talk about this with. Not your partner? Or a parent, or sibling, or friend?

I’d suggest that’s your problem. You’re planning a ceremony but don’t feel supported and uplifted by the people surrounding you.

What’s the reason for that?

I think a lot of people hate the idea of being the centre of attention. And it’s true that a wedding is a big deal, people do try to attend and it’s seen as important - look at all the wedding threads on here.

What is also true is that you don’t have to do any of it. You can book in to a register office and get married with witnesses from the office or off the street. You could take a day off and have a nice lunch just the two of you, or could just go back to your day afterwards.

Would that help? Or would that be bad but in a different way?

If it would then perhaps you try to go ahead, but look into mindfulness practice or some anti anxiety stuff (google Leaves on a Stream for a good mental exercise). I hope you have the wedding you actually want.

Talk to your registrar about what they can do to make you feel comfy:
You can walk in together instead making a big entrance .
You don't have to kiss if you don't want and the actual legal words are very brief, not lovey dovey at all.
Or you can get your guests to step in, may be a couple could do a reading of their choice during the ceremony - it would distract attention from you but also might help people laugh or remember their own weddings.
Skip the speeches.
Skip the first dance.
Do what you want...but plan it with your partner

You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, though. I am a confident person and actively enjoy being the centre of attention, but we still got married on our lunchbreak in street clothes with two witnesses, because neither of us could bear the faff of organising a wedding. It was lovely, and low-key. You can't make people mingle, but you certainly shouldn't feel you have to have a 'first dance' or feed one another cake if that's not something you like the idea of.

It’s not that deep. I’ve told them this already, I was canvassing more opinions. I hope that’s OK with you?

Thank you for all the other replies. We’re already skipping some stuff like the first dance and speeches which is fine.

I think what’s making me nervous is the idea of it’s being awkward and having awkward silences rather than anything else! Which is weird because I don’t have a quiet family 😂

I went into denial about my wedding. First of my group of friends to get married. I really wanted to get married - but I was also so embarrassed by it all. I think probably very similar to you. Cringe is the right word. Anyway - it was such a fantastic day. Loved every moment. Did not feel embarrassed once, except probably in retrospect for basically straddling the buffet in the evening.
I bet you have a great day. I am more than 20 years on and still very happily married with brilliant memories of it all. Enjoy.

I am not the type of person who likes being the centre of attention but I loved my wedding day.

A few people I would have liked to be there were missing (30+ years ago we didn’t send out “save the date” cards so a number of people had other plans) but the place was full of people we loved wishing us well and being happy for us.

I still remember it as a very happy day.

The ceremony will whizz by in the blink of an eye, so don't worry about that being awkward.
And afterwards, people will want to talk to you and you will be saying hi and the rest of the day will also whizz past. If some of your guests find bits dragging, well you won't notice and they will be too polite to mention it to you.