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WTF and I going to do about this man?

1 reply

Toepoint · 27/08/2025 09:16

I've know him a really long time, as part of a group that is effectively my entire social life. Sometimes I do things with the group, sometimes just with one or two of the people, but he's linked to everything.

He was very good to DH and I when DH was ill and he, and the group, were a tremendous support when DH died, and since.

However, when he has a drink, he becomes emotional and tells me how much he loves me. He's never tries to "do" anything. He rarely messages me outside of the group and I never see him alone. He's been married 20+ years, in his 50s. I know and like his wife but she doesn't socialise with us much, preferring to stay home and "let" him go without her.

My response is always to either ignore completely or tell him not to be so ridiculous, but now he's started talking about "self preservation" and needing to stay away from me. Which is good, but he still comes out and it's affecting the group dynamic. People have started to notice the weirdness.

OP posts:
IAmComfortablyNumbed · 27/08/2025 10:05

You’ve posted about this bloke before, haven’t you?
I’m not sure what the answer is, other than a firm talking to for him to get his shit together because it’s unfair to have his drama affect the rest of the group.
I seem to recall in your last post that you weren’t able to be direct with him, but it’s time to stop pussyfooting around-unless you enjoy also the drama?
Plenty of adult social groups have the issue of an unrequited love situation, most adults behave appropriately and don’t selfishly let it affect everyone else’s night out.

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