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Friend seeing ex fling

14 replies

MyGreyStork · 27/08/2025 00:10

About a year ago, I met a man and we started dating. It became apparent about a month in that I didn’t want anything serious with him and we decided that FWB situation could be an option. So for the next few months we would meet maybe once a week for drinks then back to his or mine. Nothing more to it. I then met someone that I wanted to be with and ended the FWB situation and have been in a relationship with the guy I met ever since and had no contact with the ex fling.

About a month ago my friend said she started seeing someone and it turned out to be the old fling… obviously I was a little surprised but it didn’t bother me as it was only a brief fling and had pretty much forgotten about him.

Since then we’ve met a few times at social events, a little awkward at first but I did get a weird vibe from him. He’s made a few weird comment about me. Like almost mocking him to my friends but presented in a joking way. He’s very charming so people are quite drawn to him. He then made a weird comment to me about our past sex life.

At the weekend I held a birthday party for our mutual friend at my flat and my friend brought the old fling. Everything went fine but I found him in my bedroom alone. He said he was drunk and was looking for the bathroom. He’s been to my flat multiple times so would have known where the bathroom was. I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid but him being in there made me uncomfortable and when I was putting my washing away today I’ve noticed a bra and thong missing. I’ve searched and can’t find them anywhere, I also can’t prove him taking them as I have no proof.

I don’t understand what his motive would be here. It’s been like a year since we first dated and I’ve heard nothing since I broke it off but it’s generally making me feel uneasy.

OP posts:
CoffeeLipstickKeys · 27/08/2025 00:16

Seriously Gross,He’s purposefully being verbally inappropriate and he was in your bedroom, now underwear is missing?
If you have to see him when he with her, make sure it’s not at your home
You cannot tell her who to see but you can limit your contact with him

EDIT - changed a typo

MyGreyStork · 27/08/2025 00:29

@CoffeeLipstickKeys thanks for your reply. I felt like I was overreacting but to read your reply I realise I’m not. And yes that is my plan. I don’t really want to be around him tbh but she seems to be bringing him everywhere.

OP posts:
Painrelief · 27/08/2025 00:34

Does your friend know you used to “know” each other ?
Is there a chance he’s seeing her to get closer to you again ?

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 27/08/2025 00:38

Thing is,if he’s socially charismatic he’s going to manipulate things to make you look unreasonable
He is purposefully making you uncomfortable and knows it’s a he said you said situation

MyGreyStork · 27/08/2025 00:50

@Painrelief yes, she knows now. He told her because he seen a picture of us on her social media account. She doesn’t have an issue with it, I wouldn’t either as it was so insignificant to me, literally just a fling. Maybe, but he knows I’m in a committed relationship.

OP posts:
MyGreyStork · 27/08/2025 00:52

@CoffeeLipstickKeys I can totally see this happening. It’s like he’s trying to force me out of my own friendship group.

OP posts:
KnackeredCatsleepytime · 27/08/2025 01:08

Maybe her targetted her to get to you ?
id tell your friend what you’ve said on here

what a creep

PublicTransportNightmare · 27/08/2025 01:25

You can tell your friend but I’m guessing he is going to say you are jealous and making it up, difficult situation.

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 27/08/2025 14:36

Play it cool, no reaction to him. Don’t discuss him. he’s trying to elicit a response. Don’t give him it
Keep a record of events,dates,things he does
You’re going to have to make a judgement call, can you warn your friend tell her your concern
However, she may not believe you, may not be receptive. He may anticipate you tell her and he preempt with a made up narrative to minimise or discredit you

Brothisbest · 28/08/2025 16:24

PublicTransportNightmare · 27/08/2025 01:25

You can tell your friend but I’m guessing he is going to say you are jealous and making it up, difficult situation.

Friend has known creepy guy for a month
Presumably op for a lot longer so shouldn’t really.

Either way… both the OP and this friend to have had sex with this 🤢 creep…. Raise your benchmark!

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 28/08/2025 23:02

You blame women for men behaviour.? Nice. He’s responsible his own behaviour
OP has already said he can superficially be charming

PublicTransportNightmare · 28/08/2025 23:44

Brothisbest · 28/08/2025 16:24

Friend has known creepy guy for a month
Presumably op for a lot longer so shouldn’t really.

Either way… both the OP and this friend to have had sex with this 🤢 creep…. Raise your benchmark!

Unfortunately some people are weird the fact she’s happy to sleep with the same man says a lot

echt · 29/08/2025 05:38

Brothisbest · 28/08/2025 16:24

Friend has known creepy guy for a month
Presumably op for a lot longer so shouldn’t really.

Either way… both the OP and this friend to have had sex with this 🤢 creep…. Raise your benchmark!

Seriously? Both OP and her friend slept with this man without knowing the other had. What bar is there to raise?

Laxonaweekend · 01/09/2025 06:22

echt · 29/08/2025 05:38

Seriously? Both OP and her friend slept with this man without knowing the other had. What bar is there to raise?

Yes but even taking out the equation that he’s slept with them both, he sounds unpleasant and sleazy.

So yes, I too would say both the Op and her friend need to raise their benchmarks!

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