There's no way out is there?

[igdkwtd]

This has been going on for over two years now and is just getting worse I have no idea what to do because it feels like there is no way out.

My son started taking heroin just over two years ago, I had no idea at the time he had started taking it until he started selling everything he owned and started losing weight etc then he admitted he was smoking it.

The last year has been hell with him constantly asking various family members for money, sometimes up to four times a day, even if he gets a 'no' he will come back an hour later. If he ever gets a 'yes' he will still come back for even more in an hour so either way you can't win. He has been lying to me saying he owes a bit of money to a dealer. When I asked how much he told me he owed £100. I know how naive I am but I have never known an addict before this so had a lot to learn about the constant lies they can tell to get what they want, I know now that almost everything out of his mouth is a lie.

Just spoke to someone I have known for years who just happens to know the dealers mum and dad and according to her my son owes thousands, they have been taking his bank card off him and keeping it until his payday then drawing as much as they can out then going everyday for the £300 max out of the cash machines until it's gone. They also have him delivering drugs for them. Everytime he pays it off they put it back to the thousands he owed so it's never paid off.

My son is almost 28. I have sat him down and told him he needs to move away from the area to get away from it all but he's having none of it (I think because he's not at that point he wants to stop taking heroin yet)

Anyone else been in this situation? Is moving away the only chance he will have to get out of this? If he does at all that is.. I'm literally at the point now where I'm waiting for a phone call with the news he has overdosed or been hurt (he's already been stabbed in the stomach by them, had all his hair shaved off with them holding him down and had his flat cuckood with them saying it's their flat now and refusing to leave and I have been followed home by a car and shouted at in my street recently because he owes someone else money and they want it back.

I feel hopeless and like I'm watching him die in front of my eyes

I’m so sorry to read your post. I don’t have any experience but didn’t want to not reply and say I really hope you find a way to work this out. You must be terrified and I can’t even imagine how you feel.
i will have a think if there is anything I think could help and reply later today. There may be charities that deal with this sort of thing in your area? Take care and will reply later. X

Yes. I have been there but with my brother. He owed thousands, we had drug dealers at the door, following me in cars. I ended up in huge debt trying to pay off his drug debts.
He went to prison for robbery for 4 years and the first 3 years were awful. He was still taking drugs and getting in debt in prison.
he finally sorted himself out and is now on methadone but has replaced heroin with alcohol. He lives a completely miserable existence.
I honestly have no valuable advice. I bailed him out and he would come back for more £.
Unless he wants to change you may as well be talking to a wall.

Hi. I'm a drug counsellor working in prisons. This is going to sound harsh but you need to let him.hit rock bottom. Everyone's rock bottom is different. Stop giving him money. Stop letting him come round. Stop everything. Remove all safety nets. It's the hardest thing to do but the only thing that works. Right now his only relationship and priority is heroin. Addicts lie. The drug takes over. You have to remove and stop all contact. Tell him when he's clean you can rebuild the relationship. Expect him to then tell you he's clean. He won't be. Let him be and let him realise he has to stop, be it through hitting rock bottom, going to prison, whatever. He is going to move from smoking to injecting if he continues as he won't get the same effects for ever. You cannot die from stopping heroin. But you need to let him get there himself. And protect yourself.

How’s it going OP? X

There is a way out. Stop the card. Throw away his mobile. He doesn’t post anything on line or speak to anyone else from that moment on.
Call the bank and have the account frozen, book a cottage in Scotland miles and miles from anywhere for a month, sit down and find out why your son is using drugs as a coping strategy - what on earth happened to him? Let him talk and talk without judging or giving advice just hold him and tell him you love him whatever happens, you will be there.

Separate the person from the addiction. This is not him, it is the chemicals affecting his brain. He has very little capacity. You can’t save him. You can’t fix him. If he doesn’t want to save himself you need to find out why op. I agree that you must try not to be afraid of rock bottom, it can be a turning point, but it is a terrifying place to be as a parent. Sending you 💐 op and I hope your son finds his way out.

@Nestingbirds, I see you mean well but you can't get another adult's bank account frozen, neither can you kidnap them to a Scottish croft! Added to that, he could lose his flat and his job or benefits, and the dealer family would likely feel entitled to OP's home and belongings if she'd removed their cash cow.

I'm really sorry, @igdkwtd, this is so distressing for you. I'm afraid @Timespentwithcatsisneverwasted is right: the only hope is to leave him to experience the worst that heroin can do to him. I would say feed him if he wants it - but only food for the moment, nothing he can sell. He probably isn't feeling hunger much, anyway.

I really hate advising this to you: abandon him 😢 He's already a long way down and, frankly, it may be best to look away while his fall continues. Many addicts do seek appropriate help when they can see absolutely nowhere else to go. The point at which this happens varies from one person to the next - but supporting them while they're using only prolongs this grim process.

You have talked to the police about this dealer family, I presume? What have they said?

I am not suggesting for a second that op freezes her son’s account (her son can do this himself) or kidnaps anyone (!) - what a silly suggestion. I am offering op an idea of what I would do in her position, and no I would not stand by and see my adult child exploited like this. It sounds like he is involved in country lines to me, and he might may will be entirely trapped, You can call the numbers below for professional advice and information op. He sounds very vulnerable.

Generally the consensus is to move out of the area completely - for his/your own safety. He obviously has to agree to this, and acknowledge the danger he is in. Take advice today if you can.

You are not just dealing with the addiction now, but the network beneath. This situation is dangerous for him and it coud also be dangerous for you. I would consider extra security measures whist you are considering your options. Panic alarms, ring door bells, cameras and extra vigilance.

I am also going to suggest counselling, this is a tremendously difficult experience to endure as a parent - to manage in real life - and an extra layer of support could offer comfort and strength. I very much hope you can find a way though this.

https://www.stgilestrust.org.uk/support-us/keep-children-safe/county-lines/

www.nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk/what-we-do/crime-threats/drug-trafficking/county-lines