Stewing Over A Racist Encounter

[ThisWillAllEndInTears]

Following a lovely Bank Holiday weekend, DP and I went for drinks at one of our favourite pubs. Had some random chat with a guy who sat next to us. Seemed nice. Common for us chat with other punters when we're out and about. We're talking about how lucky we are with where we live then boom, out of nowhere, he shares an ugly racist observation. Totally unexpected. DP stood and said "well I think we'll be leaving" and we just put our drinks down and left. Guy seemed stunned "really? Oh, OK then". And now DP and are really upset. And I know this is small by comparison to what a lot of people endure but I'm just horrified that anyone would be so comfortable in saying what he said to 2 strangers he had just met... And from nowhere. Like, it came right in from nowhere. Am really upset now and in a right funk about it. How do I shake this off?

He didn't flounce he got up and left showing he wasnt intrreated in that vile crap. That's the point in trying to correct someone like that?

So re the comment, we'd just started chatting with the guy. We had talked a bit about the pub we're in, some country walks, preferred bike rides, whereabouts we lived in the town, just random stuff and then he very casually dropped in that he liked the town as there were so few [redacted] people, immediately following with how he had a "particular dislike of [insert racist slur here]". I've redacted because I just can't repeat it. He said it like it was totally normal. It was not how I foresaw the conversation going at all.

Someone has commented that we didn't correct the guy and just walked off. Yeah, you're right. And believe me we've done a lot of soul searching since then as to whether we should have taken him to task or not. Maybe we should have. It happened so quickly and unexpectedly we reacted rather than responded.

I once split up with a boyfriend over racism. A friend of his racially abused a fella minding his own business at the bar as we walked into a pub in a group. I was stunned and took a few seconds to gather my thoughts. Then loudly and firmly told him he was a disgusting racist and wouldn't tolerate his company in future, then I flounced out, taking his girlfriend with me. I was not so polite as this post makes it sound. My bf couldn't understand that by staying he was condoning the behaviour, and it made me suspect he was also a bit racist, so that was that, our values did not align. I was absolutely gutted, honestly thought he was going to be my person for life and I've never forgotten it.

my aim in saying something is not to 'correct' someone, I'm not the thought police, but to make clear the impact and the result.

Unfortunately this is happening more and more, the racists feel their time is truly here, they are getting louder and prouder. We see it on this forum, and I’m definitely hearing it more in real life. You did the right thing OP, no use arguing with these people.

It's not your job to get into a debate with morons. You did what you could do, and that was to remove yourselves and leave them to carry on masturbating into their flag. Being frank, it would have been just as unpleasant to have remained.

You were not silent. You did not accede. You literally stood up and were counted. If only 1% of the people who do hide behind their newspapers on the train (as used to happen) did the same then we'd live in a much nicer country.

@ThisWillAllEndInTears I wish I could walk away from my neighbour/s and their weekend racist rants. It totally ruins a nice quiet time in the garden and just puts me in a bad mood. My dh tries to explain why the country isn't ruined or going to the dogs and we aren't being invaded (that made my blood boil when I heard NF had said that on the news this morning! How is that not hate speech inciting, well, violence?) but they believe what they believe