Do you give an allowance for 18-19 year old teenagers?

[User28473]

I have an 18 year old DD who changed courses after first year of college, so just going into second year of a diploma. Previously I was paying for her travel pass and phone and giving her £30 a week. However, finances have been tight and I asked her to find a summer job, but she refused. She had been a fairly easy teenager, but as soon as she hit 18 recently she thinks she's too old for rules or curfews and has turned into a selfish nightmare.

She was spending her money on junk food, takeaway, alcohol and vapes. I also found a weed vape in her room. So I stopped her allowance for the summer, and encouraged her to find a part time job which she hasn't done. She is hardly ever home, and not coming home to eat despite me asking her to, so she must be taking advantage of friends to survive, which I've tried to address with her but she won't engage. Her room is horrendous, and i've asked endlessly for her to sort it out before September as she isn't working but she is refusing. If I ask her about her room or to clean up a mess or what she is doing for food she just leaves the house often for days on end. I also suspect her of stealing money from myself and her siblings, though I don't have concrete proof of this.

We recently had a family holiday, and she was her old self and we got on well while we were away and I thought this would help resolve her behaviour, but she went to see friends the morning after we came back and she has not been back home for a week, I've only had the occasional message from her making excuses. I usually ask her to be home by 11 and to let me know /ask if she is staying out but she has ignored this since her birthday.

I just wanted to gauge what other parents of full time college students give as allowance, if at all, and if I would be unreasonable to stop, with the exception of her travel pass?

No allowance in these circumstances. Is she getting into debt?

I wouldn't in these circumstances. I'm in a holiday area so there are plenty of summer jobs.

We made it clear from the age of about 15 that 'this is what we can afford to give you in pocket money' Anything else you want you work for like everyone else.

All ours chose to work. I wouldn't fund an adult DD who has chosen a summer of fun over trying to make some cash, particularly as you say money is tight. I'd pay travel pass and phone. Anything else she wants she'll need to fund. Suggest she sells stuff on vinted perhaps and looks for a pub job in an evening.

I hadn't considered if she had applied for credit and I hope not. She does have one sensible friend who gives her lifts home regularly (when she was coming home) and while we were on holiday last week I asked her if she had been giving her friend petrol money (I've mentioned this to her several times in the past) and she told me she has a plan with this particular friend to pay her what she owes her in installments in September. This makes me really sad and angry, as I've told her how important it is not to take advantage of friends, but she obviously doesn't care enough to fund herself. I hope the debt is just for petrol money, and not larger amounts. I have no idea how she has funded herself over the last week, she is refusing to tell me when I ask, but I have lost some cash. I know questioning her on this will just damage our relationship further as there is no way she would admit to taking it and will play the victim, and I can't be absolutely certain.

She refused to find a job? Then she gets no money does she?! Unbelievable entitlement.

Plenty of jobs available where we live too. She is ND, but I don't believe this would stop her from coping with part time work. I myself am ND. I sent her many adverts for jobs that I thought would suit her and not be too overwhelming but she ignored them. I suggested if she won't work, to fund herself over the summer selling her mountains of unwanted items in her room on vinted, which she agreed to, but she hasn't. I also suggested a youth craft market which she is very capable of making things for but she couldn't be bothered.

I’d pay her travel pass and tell her she can help herself to food to take for lunch.
Anything else, she needs a job. Mine never got pocket money, they all got jobs.

No. It’s a constant battle. Youngest won’t look for a job properly ( and has had loads of help) so I refuse to shell out for anything beyond food and travel to college.