Not waking up for crying baby

[tiredchronically]

Baby was in next to me crib by the side of my bed until he moved into his own room at 6 months. For the first 6 months I did most of putting the dummy back in as all I had to do was roll over. When it came to milk we mainly shared the feeds although I probably did a few more than him. At 6 months we moved baby into there own room I stopped waking up when baby cried i got very upset at first as I thought my motherly instinct had gone. My husband and I agreed he would do the 1st wake up and I would do the second but he would wake me up if I didn’t wake. Baby was only doing 1 wake up so husband just did it. Now baby is having a little sleep regression so waking up more. Husband was holding crying baby last week for milk and trying to wake me up but apparently I wasn’t waking he finally shook me awake so I could take the baby while he went to make some milk. Husband often just wakes and deals with the baby as he’s awake but it’s causing some resentment as for the last 6 months he’s done nearly all the night wake ups. I’ve tried having the monitor turned up full and next to my head as I sleep but it’s not worked. I do suffer with chronic fatigue so I think that’s why I go into such a deep sleep at night. My husband is self employed and works all day and then majority of the evening once baby is in bed so he’s exhausted too I want to be able to see to my baby in the night it’s causing lots of resentment at the moment. Any tips?

Could your husband sleep in another room or on the sofa now and again (or even go to a hotel/friend/parent) so that he can get a good nights sleep.

He’s tried sleeping down stairs but had to come up as baby was crying and I was knocked out non the wiser it’s really affecting me as I feel like such a bad mother for not hearing him. I’ve considered moving him back into our room but I know he sleep better in his own room. I did consider the air mattress and me sleeping next to his cot

There are monitors designed for deaf parents which flash and/or vibrate to wake you up.

@RimTimTagiDimi will take a look

I think you need to sleep in the baby’s room for now if you’re on mat leave and your DH is working
you’ll probably be more in tune and hear the baby faster
your DH can wear ear plugs and hopefully get some sleep
it won’t be forever

I am exactly like this too. I woke up in the newborn days and then suddenly stopped. I think this was when the wake ups become less regular and my body went into deeper sleep. I do struggle to wake up for alarms, any other sort of noise like bad weather, tv playing etc. my hearing isn’t 100 per cent have you had yours check.

@rubyslipperswe are considering this for half the week and then the other half he does the wake ups trying to evenly do the nights as with my illness and chronic fatigue it flares up and makes me clumsy if I’m exhausted. I’m going to go and find the air bed

This sounds really tough. My husband has ME and I've done all the night wakes for months. I think like your situation, I gradually did more and more of the night wakes and now I'm just so used to waking up that I hear the slightest noise.

Like others have suggested, perhaps sleeping in baby's room will help. But just remember it isn't a level playing field, you have a chronic illness and you need to rest too.

Also, you're not a terrible mum!! You're living with a horrible illness and doing the best you can!

I agree with you sleeping in babies room to make sure you hear it, I do think subconsciously when you know someone else will deal with the baby you are harder to wake up whereas when you know you have to then you wake more easily.

What's the benefit of having a baby wake up crying through the night? I slept alongside both mine and they slept through from 4 months and never had any sort of regression.

He’s teething so I think that’s what’s waking him up. @Onthebussesyou obviously got very lucky but it’s very common for baby’s to wake up at night

They wake to feed but do not wake up crying. They then go right back to sleep. It's not luck, it's co-sleeping.

He only wakes up crying as he wants milk if he was next to me in his cot he wouldn’t need to cry. But I found he was waking up constantly when next to me vs only once a night roughly when in his own room

Yes sir bed in babies room is probably the way to go, your DH must be exhausted if he’s working all day and into the evenings then doing all the night wake ups too. As you have chronic illness maybe you do 3 nights and he does 4 nights a week so you get a bit more sleep.

I didn't hear DD cry the first night after giving birth, so the nurses took her into the nursery and woke me up to breast feed her. I also had trouble tuning in to both my babies' cries. My husband worked one week of nights in four. I did try but I slept very heavily at that time. Both babies went through the night after his first night shift. They both have gone on to be healthy adults with no food problems.

Of course they wake up for milk though. What do you mean by constant? Mine woke 3-4 times a night for milk 4-6 months. Won't they wake for milk when they need it regardless of what room they are in? But only one room choice means they wake screaming. I'm just wondering what's so great about sleeping in separate rooms that makes it worth it that your child is waking screaming multiple times a night.

I envy you, OP, I'd wake up every hour even when baby WASN'T crying. Ruined my sleep for life. 😄