DD never gets invited

[Amarett]

We live in a small village. DD is 6 and there are only 4 girls in her class.

We moved here when she was a baby, the other parents have lived here since they were children themselves so are all good friends.

Last year DD didn’t want to invite any friends over. She was happy to just play with her DB, and I didn’t want to force it if she wasn’t ready. However, she also never got any invites to play dates even though I know the other girls were meeting up.

Our schools have gone back already. DD is now ready to have friends over. I‘ve texted a mum to ask, who said her DD has other plans. I‘m presuming with another of the girls, so I don‘t want to ask them instead.

She also said that her DD has been asking for ages to invite my DD over. So why did she never ask??

Did I make the wrong decision in not inviting anyone over last year? I feel so sad for DD, and guilty that it’s my fault if she gets left out.

To me that sounds like your cue to suggest a different date? She's said her child is keen to play with yours, so that's not like she's fobbing you off.

I wouldn’t presume they are all together. People have more going on than thinking about play dates but don’t worry you haven’t missed the boat.

I would ask one of the others and if no joy, leave it a little while and then text asking them for a date they're free.

Yes: offer another date. And start calling all the others.

I think you're doing a lot of projecting here. Why are you assuming the plans are with one of the other kids? A lot of people are super busy.

Also the "why hasn't she asked" thing - I mean, my kids are CONSTANTLY asking for playdates with their mates, but I only message the parents of said mates when I know I have time to facilitate a playdate, which isn't super often, because we've got a lot of other things going on.

Honestly, everything you've described seems really normal and it kinda reads to me like you're taking offence/imagining some sort of drama or ulterior motive where there is literally none.

Why didnt you just offer a different date? Doubt it was with the other girls they could of been seeing family, going to a club, or a day out.

I think you need to stop overthinking this.

When the Mum said they couldn't do it, why didn't you suggest another date? Or throw it back to her to ask when would be good for them?

Also, don't just assume that the reason her daughter is busy is because she has a playdate with one of the others. You have just given up at the first hurdle. Text one of the other mums and ask them.

You need to put yourself out there to arrange playdates and not worry if someone says they can't do it or take it personally if they have other plans.

You have nothing to feel guilty for, but you do need to try harder and not just admit defeat and feel sad for your daughter at the first knock back you get.

Is her brother younger than her? If so and if you're a bit inexperienced and nervous about arranging and facilitating playdates etc - it's totally normal, especially at first when you don't know the parents all that well. It'll be fine!

I‘ve texted a mum to ask, who said her DD has other plans. I‘m presuming with another of the girls, so I don‘t want to ask them instead.

Completely understandable.

I'd leave it a little while and then invite again but don't choose the date yourself. Say something like 'We'd love to have X over to play. Let me know when it suits you'.

She also said that her DD has been asking for ages to invite my DD over. So why did she never ask??

Probably never got round to it or too busy managing all the other playdates her DD goes to and she reciprocates.

Try and relax about it and I'm sure it'll happen this year.

I have 2 children. The boy has always got lot of invites, the girl didn't during nursery, so I invited few mothers to playdates, sometimes all together other times 1 to 1. One of them always made excuses, the other were happy to meet, now our children are friends and mums too. The one who always made excuses now (2 years after !!!) has asked me 3 times to meet , I guess because her girl haven't got many friends in class.
I ask my daughter if she wanted to meet and she said no, they never play together at school. I'm not going to "force" her when the mum didn't want to meet the last 2 years. So I'm saying sometimes people get tired of receiving excuses and don't want to meet you years after.

This is the downside of living in a village or going to a small school, these issues are amplified! I’d get her to join rainbows / brownies / gymnastics or something to widen her friendship group a bit