Hi, just trying to make sense of why I do things and have my life. For background- i have been through a lot from a young age. All types of abuse on myself including sexual from a parent, witnessed domestic abuse, disassociating from a very young age etc. Then as an adult being diagnosed with lots of issues as a result of the childhood i had & other events such as r@pe, other crimes against me. I also got betrayed by lots of people including best friends I held for over 10 years who I grew up with.
now, I don’t know if I have genuinely given up on life low-key and it’s passive but I constantly keep to myself now. I only speak to my best friend and my boyfriend now- I won’t speak to acquaintances, old friends or even my cousin at times. I feel it gives me control of my life for the first time cos I never had that and I think it’s a protective mechanism i have- I never used to be like this I used to thrive off many friendships and interactions but now I prefer to keep my world very simple with family and these two people outside the family that I can trust and genuinely have great relationships with. I feel like I don’t tolerate bad treatment toward myself now and when my on&off ex attempted to contact me out of the blue, I ignored and DIDNT get that toxic excitement that I used to. I feel more calmer and balanced in myself and life and choose to live a peaceful life now but I can isolate when I feel down. So im just wondering if this is normal?
did anyone else go like this?