Potty training - should we call it quits for now?

[pillou]

DD is just over two and we thought this bank holiday weekend might be a good opportunity to try potty training, as she's otherwise in nursery 4 days a week. Her communication and understanding is very good, and she is interested in the toilet - she asks about other people in the toilet and tells us when and what she's done in her nappy (although not beforehand).

We bought a potty a little while ago and showed it to her including her toys sitting on it - she was interested in it but not massively keen on sitting on it. In the last couple of days we told her we'd be using big girl knickers which she chose from the shop and the potty this weekend.

Today we took her nappy off first thing and she's had three wees on the floor so far. Each time we haven't made a fuss and just picked her up and put her on the potty and given a lot of praise for finishing there. We've explained she should tell us when she has the feeling of needing the toilet (she says she knows what it feels like) and we can help her get to the potty or she can go there, but she still doesn't seem keen on it and has said she doesn't like it a few times.

Is it perhaps too early? I'm in two minds - if she really can't tell beforehand that she needs to go then I'm happy to give it a while, but if it's just resisting change (which she has form for!) I'm not sure that will get much better. We're also due to have a baby in the Autumn and her nursery (which is currently understaffed) has made it clear there is not much they can do to help with the process - we need to have pretty much nailed it ourselves. So I'm not keen to kick the can down the road for the sake of it.

Any thoughts much appreciated!

i would keep going, if it’s still the same on Monday morning I would call it quits. If she is distressed stop but if not go for it. My DS preferred the toilet at first so that might be worth trying tomorrow if still no success.

What you describe is totally normal for being halfway through day 1. Give it 3 days and see how that goes because making any sort of call as to whether or not it’s working.

Thank you both! Phew - that's encouraging. I'm happy to go all in for the next few days (provided she doesn't get distressed) but I think DH is a bit more disheartened and getting itchy feet. Re getting distressed - she's clearly not loving the idea and has done a couple of fake cries when we've suggested just sitting on it, but otherwise she's playing normally.

Had my kids around 30 years ago so maybe out of date….

i think it is telling that I simply don’t remember potty training my younger second dc. I have no recollection at all! I assume this was becuase they watched their elder DS using potty and then toilet with child seat on, and like most of younger kids wanted to be “grown up” too. I have no idea what age that was. But it certainly wasn’t as young as two as they couldn’t really talk at that age . (Both mine were late talkers, but very early walkers at 11 months)

I do remeber my elder one. We left it till he was able to tlak, and he could tlak about his nursery friends using potty. He was just over 3, as it was after his august birthday and remember it was over summer holidays. Nice weather , so just let him run around in garden during day without bottoms on, and put potty by back door where downstairs loo was. It took him about 3 days. A little longer at nights. Cruciially it was AFTER his little DS was born, I’d heard about regressing once baby was born, and thought I wasn’t even going to chance it while pregnant, so just held off. It was a non event, he got the idea on first day, had a few ooops moments on 2nd and 3rd and then was there. Lot of,praise and rewards

my view is to leave it till they are past ready frankly. Till they can see others at nursery or siblings using toilets and potty’s and automatically want to be a “big” kid. Social norms are important even in very small children,

what is altogether more difficult and took a lot of effort,, and bloody years, is to get boys to peer standing up accurately. Playing “sink the Bismark” with pieces of tinfoil with older toddlers and young primary age 🙄. Bloody awful ..why don’t men pee sitting down! I got very cross when they were teens and I’d walk into a wee splattered loo seat. 😡😤🤬. I now think why the hell did their dad not do the teaching …I was at home part time and somehow it fell to me. Make their dad do that work if you have sons, and him call them out for repulsive toilet habits as they get older, not leave it to the only person in household that needed to sit on the loo seat . Grrr

give me toilet training any day, over teaching boys how to stand to pee without being a social and hygiene nuisance 🤣🤣🤷‍♀️

I would at least give it this weekend and see how you go. If she is still resistant and having lots of accidents on Monday go back into nappies for a while, still have the potty out and keep asking if she wants to try it but not make it a big deal.

My youngest is only 10 but there seems to be a lot more stress around potty training even compared to when she was a toddler, I agree with PP that waiting until they’re ready and enthusiastic about it makes it all so much easier.
Both mine were trained within a few days and it wasn’t stressful at all.
Doesn’t matter if that happens at 2 or 3 in my opinion, as long as they’re out of nappies when they start reception.

Keep at it over the weekend. she sounds ready.

Try rewards (smarties etc) and also just putting her on it roughly when you think she likely needs to go next.

Try no pants on, bare bottom as pants can feel like a nappy and you need to break that association. Also, reset your expectations, it's perfectly normal for her only to know she needs to wee 1 second before she wears at this stage, it should improve as each day goes on.

To give some perspective we are currently potty training our DS and we are on day 8 and we are just now reliably making it to the potty for 75% of the wees. Some kids will be quicker and some slower, but it is a process and won't be done in 4 days completely

Thank you all. The jury's still out - it seems like she does have a better awareness of the sensations now but is not keen on using it, so when we ask she says she still says whe doesn't need to. We got one wee completely on the potty after a few accidents (popped her on when she was looking uncomfortable and she didn't get off that time) but she point blank refused to poo all day, despite very obviously needing it.

Will try again tomorrow but she said before bed "not going wee or poo in potty - potty is scary". We talked a bit about how trying something different is scary, how brave she had been, and what makes the potty good, which she seemed to take in. I'm in two minds because I really don't want it to be(come) stressful for her but equally she is quite resistant to change in general, so I could imagine her digging her heels in more with time.

It's interesting that a couple of you have mentioned there being more pressure on/stress around it these days. I think both of us working full time is a big factor - if we had more time at home I would probably feel a bit more relaxed about taking it as it comes, but realistically there's never going to be a great time. The resources nursery pointed us to also suggested we are coming to the end of the optimal time for bladder/bowel health. I can see how it can become stressful with all that in mind.

I tried potty training my daughter at 2y4m because she seemed ready. In the 6 hours that she didn’t have a nappy on she did 3 wees and 1 poo on the floor and none on the toilet/potty so didn’t continue.

I’ve just done it again 4 months later and she immediately got it. No accidents for the first few days and only a few once we introduced pants as they confused her a bit.

If she really doesn’t seem ready I do sometimes think it’s worth giving it a bit more time.

We're deep in the throes of potty training ourselves. DD is just about 2.5 and starting nursery in September so wanted to give it a crack. Started on 3rd August and have thought about giving up but decided to put a pull up over her pants instead. It's worked better, she still feels the wet but doesn't make an absolute mess every time we're out. Just this morning she finally told me she needed the potty before going and we managed to get her on it for a successful wee. She has incredible bladder control and has since we started, 2-2.5 hours at a time and absolutely refuses to entertain trying for a wee before she's ready. I don't think she's going to be reliably dry by the time she starts nursery but hopefully it won't be long after.

She's a completely different kettle of fish to my son who started at 2.9yo, would go for a wee every 20 minutes and was reliably dry within two weeks. It's been a long slog this time round.

I would say once you start, try not go back to nappies unless it's really upsetting your DD but try as many options as you can this time before you decide to try again at a later date

Honestly, as someone who postponed an attempt with DD1 whilst pregnant with DD2 as didn’t think she was ready; stick with it. It’s a million times more difficult with a second baby who needs your attention. Consistency is key with it too, you’ve told her what’s happening and she will get it eventually. Lots of children take a little while, although what you’re describing doesn’t sound anything other than normal. Good luck!

How is it going now?

I would do a gentle approach. No need for all or nothing. Keep going with pull ups for now but encourage her to do wees and poos on the potty when at home and when you think she needs to go. Then fully transition to pants in a few months and have another proper go.

It can take weeks and weeks.
The crucial things is to never ever push get frustrated etc.

I don't think you've given it enough time however the longer you wait the more quickly she will get it in the end.
Mine were not ready until 3 ,mil kept setting us back by pushing hard to early when she had them
In the end they got it in two weeks with the odd night wet.

I waited until both of mine were 3 and it was so easy, got it in a day or two. People might call me lazy but I don't give a fuck. I have no interest in weeks of pissy pants.

At two it's familiarisation with the potty. If she's saying she's scared of the potty, just stop. Try again in two or three months.

DS was not interested at all. We had three or four false starts and it was turning into September and I thought, ah well there goes running around without pants in summer.

At 2yrs and 8 months when I was dressing him he said "want pants". It was a first. We were off to the supermarket and I packed clean trousers, pants and socks. At the check out he tugged me "need a wee wee" off we went to have one. He was ready and didn't look back. Poos took about another month- he needed a nappy to do one but I knew or he asked. He was dry at night by 2.9.

DD was precisely one month later at 2.9. I had to lift her at bed time until was about 4.5.

They weren't the earliest but they were very reliable. They are grown up now and I suspect nappies weren't as comfy and efficient as they are now. Perhaps try some less good or Terry nappies?

Thank you all for sharing more experiences (really helpful to hear a range of options and food for thought for next steps) and for checking in. We did try the whole three days in the end and it was a bit of a mixed bag - after we got some stickers for the potty on Sunday morning she pronounced it as "friendly, not scary" (🥳) and had a fairly good day of a few accidents but a few successful times when placed on it.

By yesterday though she seemed over the whole thing - she'd somehow cottoned on to the fact that if she didn't eat or drink very much she wouldn't need to use it and held on to everything for crazy periods of time. Even when she quite clearly needed to go she just wouldn't, despite us trying to stay casual and being very positive about all of it.

I think we will see what nursery thinks today but if it seems like it's actually stressful for her and she's not just experimenting with controlling it (as toddlers do with many things!) we will need to ease off. I suspect they may say she needs nappies today anyway.

No real advice but this just took me back! When DD was potty training she took to it straight away for wees but point blank refused to poo in it. I drove myself mad convinced she’d be an adult still going in her knickers 😂. Of course one day (eventually) she just got it and was fine from then on, but I do remember the PFB stress! So just to say…try not to worry too much - I think us parents worry about it more than we need to!

Age 2 is very young…..sounds like it’s something you are putting on her rather than a Genuine readiness on her part. I’ve always potty trained closer to age 3 - boy girl twins and another girl and it’s been much quicker and smoother just waiting until they are a little bit older

Waited with all 3 of mine until 3 on the dot and they all got it within a couple of days . Much less stressful.

Same for mine, although he was just two. It’s not always difficult when they are a bit younger (but obviously can be for some).

It can also be easy when they are 2, it was for mine. It’s also not historically that young, it’s just social norms have changed a bit. Fine to wait if it’s right for your kid but for some kids, 2 is plenty old enough.

I think it's a bit early to say we're "putting" it on her. We bought a potty a little while ago because we're going to need it between now and the next two years. She showed an interest in it and in going to the toilet generally. The official advice from bladder and bowel charities is that it's best to have it done between 18 months and the next few months for health reasons. With all that in mind we have given it a go for a few days. If she really is not ready that's going to be clear very soon and we can park it for now.

I tried with my first DD when she was over 2, but just lots of wet floors so eventually gave up. Then one day when she about 3 she went missing and I found her sitting on the toilet having pushed her nappy down. We had a few accidents but she was definitely ready then. I will mention we had more accidents for a while with DD1 just after I had my second DD so that maybe relevant for you with a baby due soon. Neither of my DD were dry at night until past 4 years old, tried lifting them when I went to bed by which time the bed was wet - just left them in nappies until we had quite a few dry nights then it was ok

My DD is fully potty trained at just turned two, but we built up to it with encouraging potty usage for ages before we ditched the nappies. In fact she did poos exclusively on the potty from 12 months or possibly younger, I forgot (had a predictable poo routine, wouldn’t work for everyone). It’s very possible but I recommend a gradual approach.