What to send grieving friend

[Whattodo76]

My friend has just lost a parent unexpectedly and traumatically. She lives 4 hours away and (very understandably) isnt ready for visitors yet. I want to send something but I'm not sure what. Flowers? Care package? Ive got 20 - 25 pounds to spend. Would love to be able to spend more as she is a good friend of mine. She has young children so I thought flowers might just give her another job to arrange and find vase etc? I know im overthrowing this.

Honestly I don't think it's a time for gifts unless it's a meal being delivered so she doesn't have to cook. A sympathy card and a listening ear are enough.

I cant send a meal because she lives 4 hours away. It doesnt seem enough to just send a card and she doesnt want to speak to friends at the moment. It happened 3 weeks ago so feel that I could reach out now.

The best thing I got was a gift card for Costa. Easy and quick way to take time out and have a little treat in the middle of all the sadmin.

Maybe a voucher for just eat or uber eats then with a note saying that you're trying to ease the burden and hope a night off cooking is helpful?

I agree a card is better than a gift at this time. Do send your thoughts though, I still remember who got in touch and who didn't.

I was bereaved a few months ago and a lovely colleague sent me a Just Eat card.

Obviously nothing anyone could send would make me feel better but it was a lovely thought and very practical.

I lost my Dad to cancer very suddenly. I got only a few cards but every single one meant so much to me.

The only gift as such was a little hug token thing from a good friend of mine. It's still by my bed, on the table. She may have got me some bubble bath or something too, like a little care package, I don't remember.

Anything small to show you care will be appreciated.

Flowers can be nice. Depends on the person really. Nobody got me any but I would have been happy to get some.

A handwritten, heartfelt letter, with follow up messages in 2 weeks and at regular intervals subsequently. This isn’t something you can throw money at.

Flowers would be about £40 so perhaps out of budget.
Coffee voucher and card. In reality she will be so grateful for the card as it shows you care

I'd agree card and coffee voucher. Not everywhere has Just Eat etc (we don't) but there seem to be Costas etc everywhere, maybe check on the maps app what's near here.

Things I appreciated most were cards, vouchers for Cook Food meals, and a 'hug in a box' set which included cosy socks, a little fake plant, a travel mug etc - I'm not really a cutesy person but I just loved this.

I've been bereaved, and recieved about 20 bunches of flowers, which were kind, but slightly overwhelming all at once. I would have really appreciated a just eat card, and it's what I would send myself now. Much more useful in the fog of very early grief.

I lost a parent suddenly a few years ago. I really didn’t want flowers as it just felt too painful. Difficult to explain and I know everyone will feel differently.

what I really appreciated were the people who took the time to write a few lines about how sorry they were. Even better if they had some memories that they shared. I didn’t want things really, just to know people had taken some time and were with me.

Okay maybe a just eat voucher then and I'll check they can get delivery where they are

When my husband died, the fact that a couple of people sent me a small hamper each gave me 'permission' to eat, if that doesn't sound daft.

I was inundated with flowers and though it was kind of people, it left me with an aversion to receiving flowers. (This was during lockdown.)

I was going to suggest that too, I’ve sent them before & they’ve been well received.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Boy-Mole-Fox-Horse/dp/1529105102/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0

I sent this to someone when they lost their husband, and although apparently they were a bit questioning and dismissive at first, when they actually opened it and started reading, they fell in love and completely understood why I’d sent it

A handwritten card with more than a ‘to / from’ written inside. A note that shows you care goes a long way. And also text messages. Not the type with an expected reply. Just little notes to open up communication so she remembers you’re there & ready to support in whatever way she needs.

When my dad died we were sent insane quantities of flowers. We were chopping them shorter to fit into tumblers after we ran out of vases, jugs and pint glasses.

A good friend sent me posh chocolates for my mum and I to share, but she knows that was always our “thing”. Cards with something written inside, the wording doesn’t matter as long as it shows you thought about what to say instead of briefly sending it out of duty/obligation. The best ones we had said something along the lines of knowing they couldn’t say anything that would help but they would if they could (iyswim).

Gift cards for meals or coffee sound wonderful. There’s a fair amount of admin when someone dies, much of which has to be done in person, and a Costa break would be a lovely thought.

When ds died i told people I didn't want flowers or cards. I appreciated the Cook meals a friend sent .

Agree with others that a card sharing any memories you have will be appreciated. Most of my friends are local but in a similar situation I sent a scented candle which was very well received

When my brother died I was sent about 20 bouquets of flowers. It was really hard work trying to find places for them and then I had loads of vases of dying flowers around the place which was pretty depressing. The best gifts were some homemade brownies and fudge for me and the kids.

Flowers are also difficult if you have cats. When my mum died I really appreciated cards & people checking in over text, especially if they were clear that I didn’t have to reply.