Autism/ADHD in youngsters?

[Westtthamm]

DS is 3.5. Ill bullet point some aspects of development that I've kept an eye on but have concerned me a bit

• potty training. After nearly a year potty trained still has accidents if engrossed in something etc. Feel we've had a regression
• speech. Still very mumbled and behind. On waiting list for SALT.
• meltdowns and tantrums. Still very explosive Still very particular and if we do something not in his particular way it can cause a major meltdown. Still struggles to regulate emotions and some days in the afternoon we have to write off an outing etc because he has such a bad meltdown hes exhausted.
• tells me music is too loud. Very particular with noise sensory side
• attention span is still quite low we've tried 2 extracurricular and I dont mean to compare but looking at the class as a whole he doesn't follow instructions for much time and stops and has a tantrum. He still does swimming were stopping football as he just runs aro7nd and doesn't listen

Nursery have no concerns really said he doesn't tantrum or anything there. So im thinking is it all in my head ??? Or is he masking etc. I do get. Alot of oh he didnt have listening ears on today when they give the messages at the end of the day. He goes 3 days a week and I am off the other 4 and I notice first day off yhe is very worked up and over emti0nal. Unsure if its a release from being in for a few days

Am I just getting inside my own head ? He has been behind on milestones slightly since a baby but not within a worrying range. I've rang HV team who said our HV is on annual leave until end lf next week. So she'll ring in first week September

Sounds exactly like my son (aged 3). He was speech-delayed, late on milestones (never rolled over, never crawled, went straight to walking at 1.5), had explosive tantrums over minor inconveniences and doesn't really listen. I can also really relate to what you said about extra-curriculars - when he first started them he didn't listen at all and was so non-compliant and loud we were a bit embarrassed as all the other kids just seemed to listen and participate.

I'm not sure how long this has been going on for you, but at the moment he's going through a calmer phase and I'm taking a wait-and-see approach. His speech has improved a lot, and we found that when we took him out of an extra-curricular and put him back in when he was older and closer to the other kids' development level he fitted in a lot better. There's autism in the family so it's been on my radar too, but he's also sociable and engages in pretend play. I know it's easy to say but I think they all do things at different rates and it's hard to tell at this age!

I had a year 6 teacher constantly moan about my sons attention, and would sit and stare at me as if I was going to come up with a magic solution. But when I said I suspected he had ADD the same teacher laughed at me. 2 years later he was assessed and was diagnosed with ADHD. How so called trained professionals, like your son's nursery, say he hasn't listened but then say they don't have any concerns is beyond me.
He might have meltdowns with you because he's more relaxed. And there's a lot going on at nursery which might distract him from his meltdown focus. Try not to beat yourself up and trust your instincts.

Hope you've got your hard hat on OP because ypu are going to get a lot of posters coming on here saying you are patholgising normal behaviour. I actually think it very reasonable to ask about this.

I have both ADHD and autism as does DC2 so I do know a little about this but I'm not an expert.

The dislike of noise is a classic ND trait. But obviously it could just be him.

What is his play like? Does he play with or alongside other kids? Does he enjoy imaginative or pretend play? Any unusual ways of playing or deep interests? (My autistic nephew was fascinated in busses but I think he might have been more like 4 when that started)

Any repetitive behaviours?

Does he like or dislike certain textures?

Does he hate different foods touching each other or have a very restricted diet?

What about his speech?

I also forgot to add. I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome at 14 DH (his dad) is currently going private to seek an ADHD diagnosis at 35 as an NHS GP said hes displaying signs but waiting lists are long - so this factor is on my mind.

His eating has went extremely fussy. He wont touch fruit or veg and I blend veg into food. Safe teas out the window he only has 2 now :( hated bread from day dot and wont entertain

Speech he is speaking a lot but its mumbled and he cant say some words. He struggles to pronounce a lot.

Play. In pre school they say he plays with other kids. Family wise he ignores his cousins (6, 3.5 like him and 1yo) we have a younger child who's 1.5 and he interacts with her and wants to play with her etc but can be heavy handed with her so im supervising heavily

Hes only getting into imagination play at this age like dressing up characters etc. But I did notice his cousin same age as him was a bit younger doing it

Specific interests nothing too particular

Textures I notice he doesn't like sand and he hates hair washing in the bath.

Get assessed! Pay for private if needed. Won't explain but if you are on spectrum as well it's a no brainer. Best wishes