Summer holiday week 3...and I can't help but notice that I find it easier to be around kids than my husband apart from when I'm about to be on my period.
They're very curious about the world so conversation is easy and interesting. We have an easy rhythm/routine and our nervous systems are relaxed around each other because of that. I don't feel shy to jump on the phone during our long summer days together for an adult conversation. There are melt downs and fall outs etc but they get sorted and things move on....
...but with my husband things seem harder. He's not so curious, and obviously knows more, so it's harder to make 'general conversation'. He works with people all day and usually finds it hard to be interested in more chat evenings and weekends. And yet it feels rude to take or make a phone call during "our time". If I tell him about a problem I'm having, within 5 seconds he'll interrupt with a "solution" ...which isn't a solution at all as he's only listened to 5 seconds of the problem. If I try and bring up our disconnect with him, we'll spend the next hour or two talking about how he's with people all day at work, his parents didn't model connection, etc etc...its helpful to understand where it's come from but mainly him talking the whole time about himself rather than curiousity.
I just feel a bit .... despondent....at where our marriage is. I don't know how to change it. It feels normalish for the length of time we've been married but without mutual curiosity and excitement at talking to each other it all seems a bit like we're marching quickly towards a very lonely existence. I'm aware my kids won't always be little and curious and I can just see myself being surrounded by silent moody men at home one day wondering where the friendship between us went.