Workplace conflict of interest: senior dating direct report—why does everyone act like it’s fine?

[IcyUmberCrow]

Large private company. Senior manager (married, kids) is in a relationship with someone he directly manages. It’s widely known, not formally disclosed, and he’s still involved in her appraisal/work allocation. Team feels awkward; some think it’s “none of our business.” I’m worried about favouritism and retaliation if anyone raises it. What concrete steps would you take—policy-wise—not morality? Has anyone successfully pushed for re-assignment/disclosure without blowing up their own career?

Why don’t you just mind your own business?

At my work we’d report it to the outside group that manages this sort of thing and they’d investigate. It’s not permitted in our company for line manager to be in relationship with direct report.

has there been any favouritism shown up to now? if not just keep your nose out and let it play out.

If it does, you need to bring it up with the senior person.

Meanwhile: is there anything in your employee handbook about workplace relationships? Everywhere i've worked recently has been very clear about that, no relationships with anyone you line-manage (when did "direct report" inveigle itself into English? it's a rubbish phrase)

It’s a clear conflict of interest. I really doubt that a large private company would see that as ok. I would raise a concern with HR especially if he is involved in her appraisal.

because he is favouring her

But IS he? What has she got out of the relationship. I used to work in a company where it worked in reverse because everyone was watching like a hawk.

Why do u rebut me instead of helping me? ffs

If policies say relationships between employees or direct reports are not allowed then it’s a problem. If so given its a large organisation don’t they have a tool / online app for raising concerns so someone to investigate?

do you have a whistleblowing system? if not you may want to, in general terms, ask HR if there is an employee handbook, when was it last updated and distributed and tackle it in that way.

Or else you may have to just bite the bullet and say something to HR without naming names.

I've not rebutted you. I made a comment only.

You do what you want to do. Don't be surprised if nothing appears to happen though.

In what concrete way is he favouring her? That’s the complaint you lodge with HR.

Id you’re just pissed off at the potential for favouritism, I think you should MYOB. Not every single instance of senior-junior relationships is problematic. It’s just that problems are more likely in relationships if such power imbalance.

Finally, posters are free to rebut you if they think you need rebutting.

Is there an actual policy regarding this in your workplace?
If so, which team owns the policy?
Is there a procedure to report breaches of the policy?
Is there a whistleblowing line?

If there is a policy, I would consider reporting it in a very factual, non 😭 way - X and y are in a relationship and it breaches policy 1.2.3.

This goes on widely in my workplace.

No one cares.

It doesn’t get anyone ahead either.

Years ago, everybody in our quite large office was absolutely convinced that my married boss and I were having an affair. It was common knowledge apparently. We weren't.

So please do bear in mind that sometimes, office gossip can get it wrong.

Either it's against the rules or it isn't. If it is then report it to HR. If it isn't but you just disapprove and fear favouritism there's little you can do really.

Workplace relations among seniors and their juniors are really quite common. Not all organisations ban it or even particularly frown upon it.

I've not seen favouritism occur during these relationships that I've witnessed.

I've seen workplace relationships between line managers and their own staff member go sour. That was hard for other staff.
I've also seen workplace relationships between line managers and their own staff member lead to a happy marriage.
If there's blatant favouritism, report, factually. Otherwise just keep behaving professionally around them.