Unsaid Goodbyes and Unfinished Stories

[TheRealGossipGirl]

I recently met up with a friend after a long time - it was such a lovely catch-up. We sat in a restaurant for hours, slowly making our way through way too much food, just talking about everything and nothing.

At some point, I asked her about someone she used to be involved with - let’s call him Roger. They met at work a few years ago, and though it wasn’t an official relationship, they definitely had a “thing.” He pursued her, they spent loads of time together outside of work, messaged constantly, and stayed close for about 3-4 years. It was never serious in the “meet-the-parents” kind of way, but emotionally, it felt like something real.

Then she told me that during the lockdown in 2020, they had a tiff - nothing explosive - and just… never spoke again. No call, no text, no “take care,” nothing. Silence. Years of connection, gone.

Recently, he showed up on her Instagram suggestions - and it turns out he has a child now, and a partner. Life has clearly moved on for him.

When I asked how she felt, she said she didn’t really know. She’s happy for him, of course - genuinely - but there’s still a part of her that quietly wonders: after all that time, why wasn’t she worth a goodbye? Just one message to say, “It’s over” or “Thanks for everything” - anything.

It really made me think: how many of us carry around these quiet, unresolved endings? Have you ever had something - a relationship, a friendship, a connection - that just… ended without explanation? No closure, no real end, just silence?

Would love to hear if anyone else has felt this.

I look back on many relationships I had in years gone by and truthfully I can’t really remember how some ended. Just that at one point that specific person meant so much to me and now they are not part of my life at all. There’s one in particular who moved away and who I haven’t seen for years but still think of often despite us both being married and having kids. I don’t remember the last parting or if there was a goodbye or not. It’s really weird how people just drift away through life.

I find unresolved things difficult and often think about people from my past. Not just exs but old friends and flatmates. Sometimes I think of the fellow staff of a random summer job abroad as a student and it makes me so sad to think all these people who touched my life however briefly will never meet me again or possibly even think of me. Twice in the last year I got news of someone who died, an old school pal that I drifted from and a colleague who I used to lunch with. I found myself wondering when we last spoke or why we didn't keep contact. Life just is so busy. I always feel like I'm the one who makes the last effort in these situations and I am surprised when people don't bother, people who just end things by not replying or whatever are those less invested in the friendship and that can be hurtful.

I'm so sorry for your friend. It sucks. Closure may never happen, even many years down the line.

I think the ending of something says a lot about a persons character. I always try to end positively even if I’m really hurt. But sometimes a fade or ghost is the healthier approach if there’s abuse.
Aside from that, it takes two so no contact from the other person speaks volumes. If they don’t care to contact you at any point over the years, even to check in, then you know where you stand.