No one will ever want me

[entil]

So I split from my partner of 20 years about 2 months ago.
Im 45 with a 22 year old, a 7 year old and a 6 year old.

Im not looking to jump into a relationship just yet but when the time is right who’s going to want me? A middle aged perimenopause woman with 2 young children.

I feel really sad thinking this way and i do miss my family I had with ex but we just grew apart and was more like friends than lovers.

Not sure why I’m writing this post, just wondering if anyone else feels the same or in the same situation.
I am happy but some days I do feel really sad and lonely

Hi
Im 44. Have a 7 year old
Broke up with her dad when she was 2.
I've been seening a lovely man for 6 months.

There is hope!

Thank you.

Thats lovely to hear. Glad you are happy now.

Why do you feel like nobody would want you? Lots of men date women who have divorced and had children, lots of men are in the same boat so as long as you’re not only willing to date a man with no history your own history shouldn’t be an issue.

My MIL is around 60 and has recently got a new boyfriend. There is always someone out there. 🙂

Men were not interested in me after I divorced at 50. I haven't had another relationship. I keep myself looking good and wear nice clothes and I have a career and my own house.
Grown up DS. Im 63 now and men my age stare at much younger women, I see them do it. Women they don't have any chance with.
If I went out in mini skirts with too much make up on and dyed blond hair they would probably look but that's not me.
I don't want an old man in my life anyway. My life is good and I have a great social circle.
I find most men my age incredibly selfish and shallow and all they are looking for is someone to look after them. Yuck.

Chin up, there's plenty of blokes out there who are in a similar situation to you, dating once you've got kids can be tricky because of childcare but it's great when you've both done the 'kid thing' already as it takes the pressure off your relationship.
I split with my partner of 23 years when I was 44 and had a young child. 10 years later I've got a lovely fella, there's plenty of second timers out there, don't worry.

Be wary of falling into a relationship with a horrible man, OP, because you have low self worth. Firstly, there's nothing wrong with living as a single person, and secondly, in the scheme of things you're still a pretty young woman. You should be asking 'will I ever want anyone again?'.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re not. I think it’s easy to feel down about it - you weren’t really “wanted” when you were with your ex, so you have spent a long time feeling unwanted.

It is a slow journey to recover from this kind of relationship and personal neglect - it’s very damaging to how you perceive yourself and the first step, cheesy but true, is to be enough for yourself. Once you have got your sense of self worth back you’ll exude confidence and then more likely to attract attention from the opposite sex.

So. Forget the end goal for now. Get yourself in shape, mentally and physically, and then even if you don’t find a new guy it won’t seem so bad. And in ten years time you’ll look back on these sad times and you’ll wish you could tell yourself that it will all turn out okay.

My exH left me out of the blue when I was 48. 18 months later, a mutual friend said that I should go on a date. I wasn't really very keen but came around to the idea. She suggested a friend she had known since schooldays. That was 4 years ago and we have just moved in together. My dc were both teenagers (14 and 16) when we started dated. We took it all really slowly.

My exH leaving me shattered my self esteem for a while but I never wondered if anyone else would 'want me'. I had lived on my own in my 20's so knew that life would be fine alone, and I could join groups and do hobbies. Meeting someone who enhanced life might just be a nice bonus - and he has.

Ditch the thoughts about being 'a middle aged peri-menopausal woman' because they don't mean anything. My grandmother had a boyfriend after my grandfather died in his mid-60's.

Use this time wisely - enjoy it. Find hobbies you enjoy and spend lovely days with your children.

Thanks all for your kind words.

At the moment I’m not interested in a man at all. I really don’t want to introduce another man to my children, not for a long time. I’m not even sure I want another man. I know there is a lot of nice men out there but also a lot of horrible men.

It’s just sometimes the lonely days/nights make me miss what I had. Time is a healer I suppose

Hi there, lots of men with kids would like to date a woman who already has her own kids and home and won’t pressure him to give her either of those things
(coming from a woman with one child who would love another one but most divorcing men I meet don’t want more!)

You also don’t need to rush into a relationship that’s live in and full on you could find someone to have a nice dinner out with on your child free weekend and then maybe come over after their bed time once in the working week

You’ll be riding the divorce train! It’ll be fine ♥️

Of course someone will want you

I’m not going to lie the hard bit is finding them

but please don’t write yourself off