At the end of my tether. But il keep going for my kids.

[kittykat36]

Just need a rant i think! So my ex blocked me on all social media (FWIW we werent friends on anything so he couldnt see my things i couldnt see his but whatever) he made a deal of telling my children hed blocked mum so its all ‘just about the kids’. Fine by me. I messaged him thursday evening to say that blocking me was fine i wanted no/very limited contact the children are 12&14 so would be able to be message regarding pick up drop off times. He read the message didnt respond. No biggie.

Cut forward to yesterday (monday) id actually really enjoyed having zero interaction with him because it still hurts so frickin bad inside of me but im able to cope more its more when i go to bed alone i get all caught up in my feels. Anyway tangent lol.

So ive researched a shared calendar app by way of inputting all dates he has the kids and anything relating to them i can input as could he such as school holidays trip payments etc. i sent a message saying ive set one up if he sends me his email il share it with him and then there will be little reason to communicate over dates. I got a thumbs up in response. He hasnt actually sent me an email for it or said he wanted to do it even.

Like you dont want contact with me going forward which with children is going to be hard? So use the shared calendar? Hes meant to have the children for tea on thursday this week but im taking them out for the day before back to school (trust me when i say he wont mind he has 1 potentially 2 new girls
on the go!) but as he hasnt joined the calendar he doesnt know that as yet. I will obviously follow this change up via a whatsapp message first thing in the morning so it cant be used against me.

It just really gets my blood boiling. He had time to message my kids and say “ive changed the netflix and disney password. Il share it with you 2 but only if you dont tell mum it. She isnt allowed access to it its my account and i pay for it”. I shit you not. Well sucks to be you hun now your gone i can count on one hand how many times the tv has been on anything other than music in the last 4 months. I dont watch it!?

oh and to top it all off - facebook stalkers. I mean my kids will tell you im not tech savvy but even i know the first rule of stalking is not to click “add friend” by accident and then do a quick delete. As GIRL ONE from 10 years ago did to me! Im no longer the mouse i was trying to hold my family together against all that pain. So i inboxed her.

hi c you next tuesday! Tryna creep on my page? You wont see anything because its private! But dont worry hes single now so instead of actually getting him to cheat on me with a rat like you, your free to have it. But dont be mistaken your nothing special. You were just the first in a veryyyyy long line of rats. Like the pied piper tbh.

yeah not proud of my language but ohhhh the sweet feeling of empowerment and pride i got. She read it and instantly blocked me. I have no idea what on earth it was about. I assume hes talking to her too?!

so i did what any single mum, slightly unhinged with all the feels would do. I gutted my house, threw lots of things out, did 4x tip runs and blasted 90s hits. Because i can.

Hope you’re feeling a bit better today after getting that off your chest and hopefully had a good sleep .

Well he sounds like a shit and you're well rid of him. He shouldn't be telling the children things, they don't need to be involved in his petty point scoring.

If I were you, I would rise above it - don't discuss him with the kids and only contact him about access arrangements. Don't give him any more headspace and don't react/respond to any girlfriends looking at your Facebook - it's pathetic and not worth your time or attention. The best revenge is to get on with your life and be happy!

@kittykat36
Well I thoroughly enjoyed your post 👏
You're not rising to the ex's dick moves and your sorting your shit out 😘
You make a refreshing change to some /most of the sorry tales I read on MN.
It's absolutely OK to go into your feels when you're alone, completely natural.
Messaging the OW . . . . priceless!
You've done what many woman want to do but don't dare to and you've sent her off with her tail between her legs 😂
Keep being you.
Ps. Wanna be besties?❤️

Lol of course! Years of raising babies means im very light in the friends area 😅 glad you enjoyed it.

yeah i do feel better to be honest. And i cant wait to be finally back on my feet properly again!

I think minimal contact is best. I left exp in June and after a couple of weeks asked him to stop contacting me unless regarding DC. He was not happy but has mostly stuck to this and a couple of months in is now being more civil. Before this he kept randomly texting me abusive rants so it's good that that has stopped.

I think because our separation had been a long time coming I had already dealt with it in my head whereas he seemed to think I would stay and put up with his shit forever so he has found it harder. Aside from the initial panic on my moving day there haven't been any big feels for me. I just feel lighter all the time. You will get there.

@kittykat36
You've got this!
Chin up, tit's out and keep on keeping on 😘

Try a co parenting app with both a shared calendar and messages. They are approved by courts for contact and store the history so he can’t argue you didn’t tell him about a change. He would get a notification if you added something to calendar and there is a message thread. If he doesn’t engage with it that’s on him.

I am so u believably proud of you and how well your going through it! 👏 i originally left my ExP in May by asking him to leave as i couldnt get past all the hurt. By the end of June i was just starting even out a little bit emotionally wise.

Until he came back crying saying rebound girl (he got with her after 2 weeks) had punched him numerous times and he needed help.

Im a people pleaser and honestly by that point i would of done anything to have him back (i know i know but its important to my story). I helped him emotionally and we ended up sleeping together for 2 weeks with him telling me he loved me, constantly being at my home etc telling me it felt so right like we were a family again and he loved it all.

At the end of those 2 weeks he said “oh i never meant to lead you on sorry i just want to be friends”. The very next day he was back with punchy rebound girl 😵‍💫.

I was so upset again inside but that there and then, that level of cruelty towards me and the sheer ‘audacity’ that he actually dared to use me and my kindness at the beginning for his own gain, made me see sense.

So i started saying NO to everything that wasnt ok. He wanted to use my car to take the kids out…NO. There is public transport. He would decide when and if he could see the kids and then let me know…NO. You dont want to see them you tell them not me. He wants to control if i have access to his netflix and disney accts…NO because i dont actually watch them (this is didnt say to him personally just let him show his hand to his own kids about doing it to restrict me).

Its not that hes with someone, its the way he used then dropped me that hurt for sure. But to then be with someone who punches him? Good luck with that one! If he decides to try and introduce my kids to her specifically I would have to refuse. If she can hit him a 6ft 4 ‘boy’ what can she do to my children? If he has an issue with it he can take me to court and a judge can decide if it would be safe for my kids to be there because personally no it wouldnt be.

But yeah, let me tell you when i say im doing good right now. I really am. Yeah i may need a rant and a bit of a slightly unhinged dancing, cleaning session once in a while but it feels so good inside! My doctors weaning me off my antidepressants that ive been on since 2018 as my anxiety and depression has reduced a lot since leaving that shit show behind. Honestly the stories i could tell wed be here all day lol

Oh i love a good cleaning rave 😅

We are over a year separated. Stayed living together as he kept saying he would go on X date. Never did so I did it myself.

Even before that year I had been emotionally detaching for years.

That's really positive about reducing anti depressants. Probably annoys him to see you doing well without him.

But yeah the picking you up and dropping you is pathetic when he's meant to be an actual adult! What impression does that give the dc!

Great job !

Oh absolutely. I never bad mouth him to my kids. Hes their dad. But my DD who is 14 is seeing so much herself that she called him out for lying to her. She drove past OWs house with her nan my mum the other day and seen her dad in the front garden playing with her kids.

She messaged him asking how he was he replied somethig like oh im good just really tired from work going to have a nap before i make some tea il message when i wake up. So she let him have both barrels about seeing him etc and he read it & just didnt reply.

So yeah absolutely wouldnt recommend it for the weak going about it this way, but it is what it is and we do crazy things for those we ‘love’.

Right now im just being me and cleaning to the songs i used to go out drinking to at 18! 🤣 im more than happy to let him keep digging his hole with the kids to be honest.

Funny you should say that - my only DD is the child most critical of XP. "He says my attitude is bad, he wants to look at his own"

I have said negative things a few times just in sheer frustration 🫤 I do try not to though

Oh i absolutely get that! It is so so hard!

super well done to your DD though. I love that line! 🤣👏