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Original poster

Am I in the wrong here?

15 replies

Lokii · 17/08/2025 21:25

We are going on holiday tomorrow. I have been busy today cleaning the house and packing for me and the little one and also making sure the older ones have got themselves sorted too.

My sis asked me if I would help her with something and I said she couldn't come down as I was too busy this weekend but if she emailed it over I'd have a look and sort it out. She really doesn't need to come over and chat for ages which is why I said no.

Anyway this evening she turned up. I told her I didn't want her to come and she said she just needed me to sort this out. I was annoyed at her and quickly sorted what she needed and she spent a bit of time doing some of it herself whilst I did my own thing. She left after 90mins.

During this time my DH became angry at me asking what she was doing here as we are packing for tomorrow and how she doesn't have any respect for me and then saying I had no respect for him for letting her in. He's been ignoring me the rest of the evening and Its just put a dampener on our trip.

I understand I could have just turned her away and told her to sod off but I'm not like that. I don't understand why not DH is so angry at me when it doesn't even affect him her being here. He only packs for himself and the organisation of the entire trip has been on my head. It's my inconvenience that she is here not his.

Am I in the wrong. Does it make sense for him to be angry at me?

OP posts:
Devon1987 · 17/08/2025 21:27

Neither of them respect you. Why does your sister think she can do as she wants? Why does your husband not pull his weight? He doesn’t sound like he is on your team.

Lemniscate8 · 17/08/2025 21:29

She doesn't have to be physically under his feet to be invading his space though. Your sister was in the wrong. not you really

NuffSaidSam · 17/08/2025 21:30

You need to grow a pair OP.

Your sister and your husband are both taking the piss.

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Relationship problems
Original poster
Lokii · 17/08/2025 21:36

I know sis shouldn't have turned up and I told her so and was annoyed. Luckily she didn't stay too long. However, it's DH anger towards me that has me really upset.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 17/08/2025 21:38

Your sister should've accepted you were going away and too busy for anything.
Your DH shouldn't have blown up at you.
You were trying to get everything done and are the person they both rely on, they're taking it out on you they feel your attention is spilt.
Which is unfair on you.

SmugglersHaunt · 17/08/2025 21:40

I find it bizarre that he’s annoyed with you - do you think he’s just stressed about going on holiday? (not that he has any reason to be by the sounds of it). Your sister is completely selfish

Pistachiocake · 17/08/2025 21:44

Is it that he feels your friends/family are always there/don't respect you or him? My dad used to get annoyed that some of my mum's friends/family would just turn up and walk in, when he expected his to arrange things/call him first. If you're doing everything, working, sorting the kids and doing holiday prep when he's doing nothing, that's a separate issue, which you and he should discuss so you can agree on a fair spilt.

Rhaidimiddim · 17/08/2025 21:53

Lokii · 17/08/2025 21:36

I know sis shouldn't have turned up and I told her so and was annoyed. Luckily she didn't stay too long. However, it's DH anger towards me that has me really upset.

How often does she do this? As in, turn up and/or demand your attention when you've told her no? If this is a one-off, he is overreacting. If she does it regularly, I'm with him.

notinscotland · 17/08/2025 22:41

If the children are his, the responsibility for their packing is half his. It's perfectly fine if you're worked out a mutually agreeable arrangement where you do it all and he takes on some comparable task that you may not like, but it doesn't sound like it.

Your sister sounds annoying, but if you've told your husband to leave it to you to handle things with her and there's no significant negative impact to him then he's out of line howling and/or sulking about it. Also if he's ignoring you in retaliation for your failing to fall in line with his desires and demands (as distinct from saying something like "I'm upset right now, give me some space and we'll talk later") that's not great; silent treatment is often a way to condition a partner to anticipate and comply with one's desires and demands. Only you know if the dynamic between the two of you is feeling a bit unfair and unequal; if you'd do exactly the same if his brother showed up at the door asking for help then maybe not, but don't ignore your gut. If it feels like he is trying to control you, perhaps he is.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 18/08/2025 06:51

I’d be far more upset at your DH. Your dsis was annoying but in the end you decided to let her in and help her. Your DH is being completely unfair and unreasonable to being angry with you over something that has no affect on him. Does he generally have an issue with unexpected visitors?

fthisfthatfeverything · 18/08/2025 06:54

You should always make time for your sister, you and your DH are twats

CurlewKate · 18/08/2025 06:56

She wasn’t inconveniencing anybody but you. It’s up to you how you deal with that.
He is a complete dick. And the people finding excuses for him? Bloody hell!

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 18/08/2025 06:57

Your DH doesn't sound like a kind person.

susiedaisy1912 · 18/08/2025 06:59

Perhaps he’s pissed off at you because you never stick to what you say. My mum was a pushover like that. If we had planned anything and then a neighbour or friend phoned or turned up my mum never had the balls to prioritise our original plans and so we’d all have to change our schedule to fit in with this neighbour or friend who turned up. She would often get roped into helping with things she didn’t want to do and then get over tired or upset about it and it was us that had to deal with the fallout. She didn’t act like this with any ill intent but she was weak when it came to standing her ground and it was very frustrating and sometimes hurtful that she couldn’t prioritise us. So I can remember feeling really frustrated and resentful towards her sometimes.

HaddlerScoop · 18/08/2025 07:15

Do you complain about your sister's behaviour to your DH? So you say to him she has contacted me, I told her I was too busy. She then turns up and no doubt you complain about it again after the fact but you allowed her over your threshold despite telling her you are busy and she must know you are going on holiday. You prioritised her over your family and packing.

Maybe he is tired of seeing your sister take advantage of your time.

You need to learn what a boundary actually is. It is one thing to say you are too busy but when she turns up you let her in. What you should have done is reiterate you are packing for your holiday and you told her you are too busy for this and closed the fucking door in her face. Stop being a doormat. 90 minutes is a long time for her to spend at your house when you are trying to get packed for a holiday. It wasn't 5 minutes or 10. So yes, you are in the wrong here.

Your Dh is also in the wrong because ignoring someone or giving them the silent treatment is a form of abuse, google it if you don't believe me. It conditions you to behave a certain way so as not to upset him and elicit this response.

Going forward. I would apologise for your part and I think you need to be stronger when it comes to people overstepping boundaries with you. You should also tell him how much it upsets you when he ignores you and that it isn't a healthy way to communicate his frustration. As a side note, why is it not a team effort to pack for a holiday? Why are you the only one packing the children up? He is also a parent.

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