When chatting about job hunting, I sometimes mention the evidence that people with certain names/religions get fewer callbacks. I mean it as solidarity and context, but a few friends (also minorities) bristle or shut it down.

[IcyUmberCrow]

What exactly lands badly?

• Is it me telling them their odds are worse (feels fatalistic)?
• Using stats in a personal convo (feels like I’m making them a case study)?
• Me speaking for them or labelling them “victims”?

What would be more helpful in the moment?

• Ask first: “I suspect bias might be part of this—want me to raise it, or focus on tactics?”
• Back them up if bias happens in front of us?
• Share research/resources privately, or skip the stats entirely?
• Better wording you’d actually welcome?

Not debating whether bias exists—asking how to support without stripping agency. Also happy to drop “BAME” if people prefer other terms. Be blunt.

All three bullet points apply tbh

If someone mentions their shit experience then I'd agree without saying much more

I'm autistic and have struggled with social situations, so I get your thinking x

Allyship is more of an online thing (and an And Just Like That thing 🙄) - the way to be an ally irl isnt to put limits on someone nor to contradict their experiences x

I think it's very tactless of you to point this out, members of ethnic minorities know this, they don't need you to tell them.

It's not really solidarity as it's not a problem you would ever face, so I don't see how it comes across as anything but 'sorry for your trouble'.

I'm mid-50s and looking for a new job. I was a cert for one, but didn't get it. A friend around the same age sympathised and shared examples of a couple of people she knew who couldn't get hired for senior roles in mid-late 50s, and we had a chat about the challenges of being 'older' women.

If a 35 year old man had told me thaolit's much harder for older women to get a new role, I would not have appreciated it at all.

I work at a jobcenter not in the UK. I talk about it with my clients. And I didn't realise how racist a lot of my colleagues are until there were 2 minority women employed and people kept mixing them up. 4 Peters in the building and no one mixes them up.

I am also an ethnic minority

How do u know im autistic

I'm not sure I understand - if you're an ethnic minority, why have you worded it as 'their odds' 'make them a case study' 'labelling them'?

I think it might be important - are you of a different minority group / type of group that is not affected as much / in the same way?

If so, it could be making people bristle for the reasons you've identified, just as if a white british person was doing the same. Also, if you're part of the same minority group then I'm curious if you are wording it to them as 'they' / 'other people' rather than 'us'? Which might be rubbing people up the wrong way maybe?

I dont, I am autistic so understand struggles with how to approach conversations

did use 'us', bad explanation in post

Ah, ok.

In that case I'd imagine they're well aware of the issues, but sometimes you just want someone to say 'sorry mate, that's shit' rather than come up with a reason or give advice or get into a complicated and probably upsetting discussion about prejudice.

I think it's a bit patronising and demoralising. It's not like it's not something they would not have thought about before themselves. You're basically saying ' yeah you won't get a job cos you have an Asian name ( for example. It's not helpful.

You asked for us to be blunt. Okay. I think you really need to shut up about this, because it seems from what you've said on this thread, you are something of a crusader on the topic and will not let it rest. You are being crass and insensitive.

Look at it this way. If you were obese and not conventionally attractive, would you like it if someone (also obese and unattractive) kept pointing out to you that ugly fat people are discriminated against and that's why you are failing in your job search. You suspect that already, and you really don't want somebody else rubbing your nose in it.

It is always right to challenge discrimination in all its forms, but you are making these people feel uncomfortable. That is your cue to STFU.

A friend of mine never got any interviews despite being very qualified and experienced. His recruitment agent nervously asked him if he’d consider putting a more anglicised version of his first name as he said, if people are unsure how to pronounce your first name they won’t bother.
So he did. Used a name like Nick and then his normal surname.
Suddenly he got interviews and got a job. So people weren’t really racist then as he didn’t change his skin colour or his surname. They just couldn’t deal with his complicated (to them) first name. Which is still racist in its way.