Why send a message after 18 months?

[Sera1989]

If you’ve had a falling out with someone and sent them a breezy message after a long time, what was your motivation?

I ended a friendship 18 months ago. It was a definite end, not a fade. Yesterday they sent something along the lines of ‘You popped into my head, hope everything is going well’. I replied something vague out of curiosity and they said ‘That’s great, all good around here x’. No questions, no information, end of the conversation as far as I’m concerned. I really want to know what the thought process is in taking the time to write a text - what’s the point??

I’d guess they saw something that reminded them of you.

I wrote a brief offer of help to an estranged relative a couple of months ago. His father just died and he’s facing all the work re probate, clearing and selling house etc. I wanted him to be aware that I was prepared to help because it is a shit job and we are part of the same family still. I didn’t really expect a reply and haven’t had one. I wouldn’t spend much time thinking about it.

You are overthinking this - they told you, you popped into their heads so sent you a message with good wishes. They obviously harbour no hard feelings towards you so just take the message for what it is.

Yes I do feel like I’m overthinking as it’s just not something I would do without reason. But I guess I will take it on face value and as there was no question I won’t reply

I had this once. I faded out the friendship due to her being a 2 faced gossip. Text arrived out of the blue about 3 years later.

She had heard some (incorrect, not about me) juicy gossip and was fishing for info.

I replied something like “all normal here but I’m sure you’ve heard that <insert name of person in my village who looks a lot like me> is having a fun time. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

No reply

Could be that they haven't fully come to terms with the end of your friendship. Maybe they think of it/you a lot and they possibly saw or thought of something that made them just want to contact you.

I suppose it depends on why the friendship ended.

It does depend why the friendship ended. Possibly looking to check in and see how you are, or if you’d respond? That could come from a good place if they still care about you.

I chose not to contact a group of people due to the behaviour of some of them. One messaged recently and we’ve reconnected. She can now see my point of view and she’s very sorry she couldn’t back then. The others have treated her like they treated me so she gets it. I’ve accepted the apology with no hard feelings. Life is too short to hold onto grudges.

That could be true, he is quite sensitive and it wasn’t a mutual end.

It was a few things that had built up including his general flakiness culminating in him deciding to spend Christmas Day elsewhere after I had turned down plans so we could spend it the two of us, this was two weeks before Christmas. I wouldn’t have minded as much if I hadn’t been let down so many times by him that year, and he knew Christmas is hard for me as my family have died. And him being really unpleasant to someone after a misunderstanding, then doubling down when I challenged him. When I cited these and other reasons for ending the friendship, he basically blamed me because I hadn’t said anything at the time (I had, and it’s not my job to police his behaviour anyway)

I’d be open to considering a friendship again if he’d reflected and changed. But I’d expect him to actually say that instead of sending vague messages

Perhaps he's belatedly realised just how much of a shit he was, he feels rather guilty about it, and this is an olive branch.

I'm in a similar predicament. My friend of 20+ years just stopped speaking to me one day. I don't know why. I've messaged and posted cards etc and nothing. I know she looks at my social media sometimes. I've often thought of messaging her something breezy. I'd love to know what happened because the last time we saw each other everything was fine.

Someone once texted me after a very long gap of several years, during which they moved abroad, to tell me they were back for a few days and that they'd seen my ex from 8 years previously on a dating site. No idea why they thought I needed to know this or why they thought it would be helpful (I'd been very much in love with him but we had to part, as it couldn't go anywhere, and were on good terms.l and I wish him everything good in life)

I just decided she was being gossipy and vindictive.

Sounds like he’s missing you and maybe testing the water to reignite the friendship. Time will tell.

@LunchtimeNaps I had the same issue, I was very upset by it. I considered a breezy message but I had sent so many messages that had been ignored. I just couldn't cope with another rejection. I eventually got really angry about it and didn't give a shit for a while. I had a friend who was still in touch and didn't tell me anything, I tried asking her. Then suddenly a few years later former friend just shows up on a night out with mutual friend and acts like nothing happened. 6 years she didn't speak to me! If she had reached out after the first year or two I would have been so happy but it went on so long i lost interest and respect. She sent me a few messages since, usually on a group chat and we meet up a few times a year through mutual friends in a large group. She is always really friendly and I'm polite and friendly too but won't say anything too personal. I still cannot fathom why she did that and it stil makes me upset when I dwell on it. It made me question myself and made me paranoid about other friendships and I hate her for that

I just sent a couple of heart emojis as a reply, he can say something further if he wants but he doesn’t have much to respond to!