How quickly do you know if you fancy someone?

[Spookygoose]

So I went on a first date with someone I met OLD the other night. He’s fairly attractive, fun, confident, and we had a lot in common. In the past I’ve always known within the first hour of meeting someone whether I fancy them or not. This feels different though. I’ve been single for two years and haven’t dated or tried to date in that time, so I’m a bit out of practice maybe. I enjoyed his company and it’s clear he was interested in me. But there was nothing particularly special about him, maybe I mean I didn’t feel a strong spark, a tiny one maybe. Do people usually know whether a spark’s there after the first date or have you ever felt like it was more of a maybe on the first meeting then it developed? I’m really unsure whether to see him again..

It depends. Some people there is instant chemistry, others it takes time to build.
Sounds like a reasonable first date, have a second and see how it goes, have a third and fourth too if you want.
You don't have to decide on marriage after date one 😁

I found when I went on dates and was unsure I stayed unsure because it wasn’t right. I guess everyone is different.

Maybe that's the purpose of the 2nd date? 🌹

I don't always fancy people straight away, it's kind of builds up. But I always know instantly if there's potential. I fancied my DH a bit at first but after 2 weeks I was well into him. If you liked his company, I'd give him another chance.

When I met my husband I didn’t fancy him at all, he just kind of grew on me. I knew he was interested in me but I hadn’t really considered him and very slowly I began to realise he was the one.
I worked with him though so I had time to get to know him without it being romantic, maybe if he’d just been a first date I wouldn’t have given him a chance. It’s not always butterflies and electric from the get go.

I have had relationships where there’s been an intense spark from the start but in my experience they are the ones that run their course as there’s no deep connection.

I always thought there had to be that instant connection, that sense of fancying them within minutes of laying eyes upon each other. I thought that if that spark wasn’t there then nothing would ever come of it.

Between the ages of 14 of 25 I truly believed in instant attraction and I would only focus on boys/men where I’d had that overwhelming rush of PHWOAR when I looked at them.

However, when it came to the man I married it was nothing like that at all. When we went on our first date I thought he was nice, he was kind and friendly and we had a good time together but I didn’t feel a spark at all. He was good looking not in the way that made me want to touch or kiss him. We had a good time though and so when he asked me out on a second date I had no reason to say no, but I didn’t actually fancy him. After the second date I didn’t feel any differently about him, it had just felt like I’d been spending time with a male friend that I got on well with.

After the second date I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to see him again, at least not in a dating way, but when I spoke to one of my best friends about it she urged me to reconsider. She said that love and attraction doesn’t have to be instant and that it can develop as you get to know them better, and that as he was such a lovely guy who made me laugh and who was kind and considerate, maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to write him of just because there hadn’t been an instant sexual energy.

So I agreed to go on a third date and I don’t know what clicked on that date…..but something did, and by the end of it I was hooked on him.

I moved in with him 4 months later and now we’ve been together for over 15 years (married for 12) and we have two wonderful children. He’s still the kindest and most selfless man I have ever met, me and the children are always his priority and he’d do anything for us.

Looking back I can’t even believe that I was so close to telling him I didn’t want to see him again because now my life is built around him and I can’t imagine how my life would be without him.