Hopes and dreams

[floralania]

Does anyone have hopes and dreams as an adult, as a parent, that extend past “I hope my children are happy and healthy and that I stay healthy enough to be with them”?

like my husband has ambitions of things he wants to do in his life, but I just… don’t? I don’t think I’m depressed, I just don’t think I really have any anymore.

I’ve been luckily enough to roughly achieve what I originally hoped for professionally but lately work seems less important. I’m happy just for more of the same. I enjoy travelling but that’s limited with kids and honestly I think a lot of what I used to enjoy about it when younger and single was the freedom of it. It’s tainted too now with struggling with long haul flights physically and morally.

I do feel a bit pessimistic about the future I admit, like the best is behind me and there’s probably generally more difficulty ahead, but I think that’s also logical. Husband thinks it would be good to work towards goals or dreams but when you don’t have one that’s problematic!

is it just me?

It's easy to lose yourself in the demands of work, children etc. You end up feeling kind of numb. I'd recommend you name all the things that you enjoy, then write down when last you did them. For me it was dancing, sewing, horse riding etc. Then make time for those things. That will help switch your emotions back on. Good luck!

Thanks for your reply 🤍 I’ll try. I don’t know what those things might be but maybe something will show up 🤷

I know what you mean. From leaving school until a few years ago, there was an “event” to build up to every few years - qualifications, new jobs and promotions, buying houses, wedding, babies. I’m now in a pretty good situation and admitting it feels a bit like “my diamond shoes are too tight” but am feeling that lack of aims to feel excited about.

I think it might be partly my age (heading for middle age) and partly the time of year with A levels and universities being discussed.

i want the teens as they move to young adults to not be stuck in their childhood bedrooms for their 20s even if we have to pay (most of) their rent

H to retire as early as (above finances taken into calculation)

I want to get more confident on the bicycle to make use of the local cycle lanes

I want to fully master the DLSR camera for long photography projects and spend a weeek in winter star fazing at the Northumberland observatory

I want to see the Terracotta Army

I want to read al the books I own so I can buy some new ones

I want a beehive or two

And I have to (and want) have a basic level of Spanish by next summer

Yes I think this explains a lot of it. There was always something concrete to aim at. Now all the aims seem to be more framed in the negative - dont get ill, don’t die, don’t lose your job/house/marriage etc! Or at least “maintain” what you’ve got. It’s totally that my diamond shoes are too tight I know full wall that if I had more immediate difficulties I wouldn’t have time to be bothered by this shit and that should translate into me being grateful - which I am. But somehow gratitude doesn’t translate into actually having something to aim for?

@frozendaisythese are all great goals. I just sort of don’t have any like this. I’m too far from retirement (early 40s) to be thinking about that and the kids are still young. Most of the time honestly I just hope they won’t die or I won’t die which sounds very morbid.

I like to travel but there’s no where specific I wan to go. I would like to improve my language skills but struggle to have time with life commitments and it doesn’t really set me on fire thinking about it.

I don’t have any desire to learn something new like an instrument, cameras, a sport etc. I don’t know I know I sound stubborn, yours are good examples. I guess I just need to try harder to think of something

Oh, I get this. It’s a bit different for me though because I did get a chronic illness, which complicates things because I am limited by that as to what I can do. My husband has recently taken up lots of new exercise to improve his health and it’s made me feel very left behind, so I’m having therapy again. And part of that is talking about what makes me tick. My hopes and dreams. I literally have no idea! Or of ‘who I am’ anymore. It’s very unsettling.

It sounds like a really negative way of viewing life. Im older than you and have plenty of wishes for the future. You sound bored now you have 'obtained' your younger self's goals. Just set some new ones, they dont have to be big, just something to aim for.