How to celebrate 40th birthday - in limited circumstances!

[PatheticDistraction]

It's my 40th birthday coming up (November) & for a variety of reasons I'm really limited on how I can celebrate - but I would really like to mark it somehow.

In an ideal world I'd be jetting off for a European weekend city break with DH, but I have a 6 yr old & 3 month old baby. 6 yr old has complex needs & we can't get childcare for him. We wouldn't be able to take him out for a meal, as he struggles in restaurants etc.

We live rurally & all family are overseas and my friends a considerable distance away.

I'm also at a bit of a loss for what to ask for as a gift - I don't really wear jewellery any more, and I don't really fancy a spa day on my own as I'm feeling quite uncomfortable in my post baby skin.

I don't want to be defeatist, but feeling a bit down about it right now

What things do you like OP?
Do you like Art? Family photoshoot?
What will you treasure for years to come?
A friend got me a rose for my 40th, every year it produces a ton of beautiful pink flowers.
Could you all make a trip and stay somewhere near your friends?

My 40th was in 2020 so all my lovely plans got cancelled (we were supposed to be in the South of France) and we ending up celebrating it in our garden. My DH did some really thoughtful touches to make it special, he and my DD had 40 balloons and wrote what they loved about me around the house. For gifts he bought me something, made me something (a beautiful photo book with a poem about us) and sang me something (wrote me a little fun song!). We had a hot tub in the garden, a friend decorated the garden for me, a few friends came and socially distanced in the garden for a few hours, we had chocolate cake and in the evening he put on some fireworks for me. It was a pretty awesome day. I think what made it special was my DH stepped up and was thoughtful and creative in making sure I had a lovely day. Could you pass some of the responsibility of this onto him, share how you're feeling and ask him to give it some thought?

Rent a big house with some friends or family and have a celebration weekend
Go somewhere like Haven or with lodges/statics with friends, that way everyone has their own space but you could meet up for activities/food/drinks
Push everything back to next spring and hire a village hall for a party somewhere near a campsite so people can come from further afield
Go and do something fun overnight with your friends

Thank you for the suggestions! A rose is a lovely idea, I've collected a fee in the past couple of years, so a good idea to ask for one for my collection.

I love art - but sadly DS is quite destructive, so we're quite limited.

@hellotojason- those touches are gorgeous from your DH - mine struggles with this kind of thing, but I will direct him to this thread!

My friends would have to travel from 6hrs away & my best friend is in Australia - so a meet up is tricky, but perhaps pushing back until Spring is the right idea

Don’t bother. If it’s not going to bring you joy or just add another burden onto your life just don’t. You don’t have to put this pressure on yourself as really it’s just another day. Perhaps let yourself have “permission” over the year to get wee treats for yourself in lieu of this? Or subscribe to an app or something that would make your life easier like Hello Fresh? Or a deep clean of your house? That way money spent would actually give you a treat rather than be something causing you angst for months.
Really the concept of celebrating birthdays is a bit weird- our mum did the hard work and all we have “achieved” is staying alive which is often down to genes and luck rather than hard work!

@PatheticDistraction - mine has got much better he used to be rubbish, he just googled for ideas. My birthday the following year we ended up having to cancel plans as my DD had COVID symptoms!! That year we did a virtual quiz with friends - could you do something similar with yours?

I totally get this sentiment - and it's tempting to ignore it completely.

Selfishly - I haven't felt 'treated' or special in a very long time, and I just don't want to martyr myself this year. Life for the past few of years has been a mixed bag of drudgery & real difficulties, so this is just something positive to focus on & hopefully look forward to.

Definitely get something nice to look forward to OP.
Plan something with your DH, something that will bring you joy. It doesn’t need to be fancy, just happy.

I would make a list of 40 things I would like to do, have or achieve by the time I'm 50 and tick them off one by one. After an underwhelming 30th and a 40th when I was very pregnant, I decided my 50th would be special so I started saving a small amount each month from when I was 40. When I was 50 I had a house party with some of my best friends, all already paid for, and bought a couple of sofas with the rest of the cash!

I don't have a formal list but two things I want to do are see Hadrian's Wall and star gaze in Kielder Forest. Made it there this summer but high winds had closed Housesteads, the sky was overcast all week and I caught norovirus! But I'm sure I'll get there next year.

It's all about the long game when you have a SEN child.

You could pick somewhere in the middle? (Not for the Australian friend unfortunately!) but for everyone else? That way nobody is having to travel a huge amount. I’d go for a friends 40th