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Advice on DS girlfriend

3 replies

AndSoFinally · 14/08/2025 20:56

Can I ask the experienced collective for some advice? I only have DSs so not sure about teenaged girls!

DS has asked my advice and I feel a bit out of my depth

His girlfriend (16) used to self harm and has had suicidal feelings in the past. She has told him and the friendship group that she's passed all this, but has been commenting on a chat forum that she really wants to SH again and feels like she may attempt suicide/further DSH under pressure of exams

She doesn't present as anxious or depressed generally but does have some self esteem issues

He doesn't want her to think he's spying on her or monitoring her in any way but he came across this forum thread by accident. However, he could have not read the messages once he realised, but was worried about her. I don't think he was snooping particularly but I don't know if she'll see it that way

What should he/I do?? I don't know her parents but get the impression they're quite strict (but I don't think uncaring in any way). Would you tell her he'd seen the messages or be more roundabout

OP posts:
Jellywobbles2 · 14/08/2025 21:06

He must have been snooping on her unless he generally reads these kinds of forums!

I think you should tell the school and say you want to remain anonymous. Hopefully it can be picked up as a safeguarding issue.

Id be advising your son to stop snooping on her, stay out of it and behind the scenes doing all I could to encourage him to meet other people and get out of this relationship. At such a young age he doesn’t need to be dealing with this drama and he’s obviously feeling so affected by it he’s starting to spy on her. He should be enjoying life not worrying about all this

Springadorable · 14/08/2025 21:07

First post nails it. I'd be hoping this relationship fell apart imminently.

AndSoFinally · 14/08/2025 21:31

Yes I also suspect he was snooping but I think from a place of concern

She told him what she was posting on so I think she wanted him to look on some level at least, but will probably deny this

She seems a lovely girl, but I think I will remind him that relationships are supposed to be fun at his age and there's a fine line between being supportive and taking on way too much responsibility for another person

OP posts:
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