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Friend really struggling with teens behaviour...

5 replies

Mugon · 14/08/2025 19:59

It's a friend of a friend really, but he's talked to me about about it because I've done some work with troubled teens.

This child's behaviour is extreme. I'd say there's almost certainly been significant trauma. At work I've never seen behaviour like this unless there is. I've no idea what that might be and I'm not going to ask, suspect father might not know.

However, two things I've observed, which won't be helping are:

  • step mother clearly doesn't want the boy in the house, doesn't want him on holiday with them them, can barely be civil to him. I don't blame her, he's done some awful things, but if he wants to help/support his son, father can't put up with that and should, IMO, remove them both from the situation.
  • Father's response is very negative. For example the boy does very well at sport. I said how impressed I was and asked about his training. Rather than yes, he's doing very well, Dad said "he's lazy and could be so much better".

I don't know if I should point out these things won't be helping. I was asked (kind of, very informally) but don't have anything like enough information to help them properly and wouldn't attempt to anyway, but some friendly advice, that they asked for but won't won't to hear, or keep well out of it?

OP posts:
McQueensMuse · 14/08/2025 20:01

What kind of behaviour is he displaying?
How old is he?

Mugon · 14/08/2025 20:04

McQueensMuse · 14/08/2025 20:01

What kind of behaviour is he displaying?
How old is he?

I'm not going to put all the details here but he's a young teen, there's been violence and police involvement. It's very extreme.

OP posts:
Givemethesun · 14/08/2025 20:08

I think it depends on how he has approached you. If he is looking for advice then possibly if you communicate it well (hard to do) then he may listen or consider what you’re saying, but if he hasn’t asked
for advice and if just venting I possibly wouldn’t as he may be defensive and you don’t know the full story. Hard
To know what is best though I agree.

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BreadstickBurglar · 14/08/2025 20:12

I would keep well out of it to be honest, if he’s seriously hurting people which I assume is what you mean, he needs more help than a casual chat his dad is having. He’s not likely to take your advice. He might even be the source of the trauma for all you know. I would signpost him towards sources of help who could get the whole picture.

Mugon · 14/08/2025 20:14

BreadstickBurglar · 14/08/2025 20:12

I would keep well out of it to be honest, if he’s seriously hurting people which I assume is what you mean, he needs more help than a casual chat his dad is having. He’s not likely to take your advice. He might even be the source of the trauma for all you know. I would signpost him towards sources of help who could get the whole picture.

I wasn't suggesting dad is the source of the trauma, I've no idea.

I just think those two things won't be helping. They're by no means the root of the problem though.

OP posts:
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