If you had an older teen with zero qualifications and zero aspirations, did things get better?

[BlackRoseRed]

DS is 17 and has ASD, he missed a lot of Y10 and most of Y11. He left school with no GCSES (didn’t even sit them). He’s done nothing since and has no plans to do anything. He’s only left the house 4 times this year and spends most of his time in his room. He’s almost 18 and I’ve no idea what I’m supposed to do with him. No services will get involved due to lack of engagement.

Has anyone experienced similar? And if so did your child improve?

My eldest left secondary school at the start of year 10, at that point in a bad way and wouldn’t even walk into the local shop with me, and although she managed to get into a 14-16 college, the thing that really motivated her was finding a passion, she found this through a day out, and then volunteering.
can you have a good chat with him about what he would like to have a go at? What he enjoys? Maybe take a few days out to various places to see what strikes up some interest?

DD is 18 now, went through 2 years of college in the end and made some good friends, and is driving and still volunteering while now looking for a job. Learning to drive also gave her loads of confidence and freedom.

It’s hard isn’t it. I keep hoping he will just come downstairs one day and decide to start living his life. He has no interest in going anywhere or doing anything. He won’t learn to drive, he has a fear of transport and feels it’s not safe.

Hhhmmm. I left school with only 2 GCSEs and no real direction. My attendance for y11 was about 25%. I did work for a year, then went back to college but dropped out. Fast forward many years and I am a registered health care professional and almost adult kids. The making of me was getting pregnant young. Not really selling that as a great lift choice though. It wouldn’t work out for everyone.

your DC sounds suck. What are their interests? Is there any small thing they could do outside of the house relating to them? That would be a start. Would earning money be a motivator for them? Is there any job they could do even for a few hours a week that they wouldn’t hate and would provide them with the cash to do/buy things they enjoy. Does he like films? Dd2 works at cineworld and they’re a great employer for young people with perks like free entry to movies.

I wouldn’t put too much pressure on them to study or better themselves. My mum did that and it just made me want to do it less. In my own time I went back to eduction and did very well, but i had to do it in my own time.

My brother had a rough upper teens in and out of various jobs mainly labouring, periods of unemployment some bad decisions and close brushes with the wrong side of the law. He is bright, he was very unmotivated and looking for quick wins, did bugger all at school and got massive Bs in his GCSEs, went to college and dropped out, was smoking cannabis etc. Eventually my dad sat him down and said I can't bail you out anymore you're nearly 20, I will help you to do something productive, get a trade go do a levels but you can't stay here wasting the potential you've got. My dad left school at 14 with no qualifications and has worked brutal hours in unqualified jobs his whole life, I don't know the ins and outs of what was said but the next thing I knew DB was enrolled in college had find himself someone to do his placement with and my dad took him out to buy his tools. He qualified as a plumber highest marks in his class and still goes back to talk to trainees and has taken in apprentices himself. He worked really hard to be fair to him and he seems to be good at it, he worked big fancy new developments in London, not unblocking domestic toilets and built a reputation. Someone he worked with saw his intelligence and he's now trained to manage big projects and interpret blue prints etc for large scale and specialist plumbing work. I think he probably earns 6 figures.

You need to find someone he can relate to, to have a conversation with him about what he wants his life to be.

Sorry OP I’m a bit over done this week and totally missed he has ASD, does he have any friends? Animals are often helpful…could he try and go visit/help out at a stables/animal rescue of some sort? Round here there is horse therapy offered for young people struggling. It’s so hard I don’t know what else to suggest 😕 they do often get there in their own time, it’s just often not the set timeline we are led to believe is correct x