How to be fun/cool when you’re 7/8

[Walkingatightrope]

Obviously, I know that in the long term we need to teach our kids to be themselves and that they won’t gel with everyone and that another people’s opinions don’t matter that much and that they should just be themselves, etc. In the short term, however, DD is about to go into a (newly remixed) Year 3 class with only 5 girls. If it’s not going to be a miserable year for her, she does need to find a way to build these friendships.

DD’s teachers tell us that she’s kind and nice to everyone and has a range of friends, so I don’t think her behaviour is actively problematic in school, but I do sometimes think that she’s possibly a little bit young for her age. The friendships in their year group have been a bit lively and changeable over the last year and DD has on a couple of occasions found herself dropped by a child she thought was a good friend (GF). She has this week had a play date with GF and she was really excited about it. When I picked her up, the other child barely looked up or said goodbye- it broke my heart a little bit, because DD so desperately wants to be friends with this girl and looked so crestfallen. GF is also generally a fun and popular child, so if she has no interest in hanging out with DD, my worry is that in such a small class, the other girls might follow after GF and DD might be left isolated.

GF of course has the right to be friends with whoever she wants to be, and she’s a nice kid. I would however like to help DD to show the other girls that she is also a fun child and that it would be good for her to be included in the games. To be blunt, 7 year
olds are quite mercenary and materialistic creatures. Their social hierarchy formation often responds to sweets and fidget toys and squishmallows. Is there anything I can actively do to help DD? Get some of the kids around individually and do some “cool” activities - and if so, what?

Again, I know that in the longer term, there are lessons we can and will teach DD about this. I am however working on the extremely short term and I just need to make this year manageable for her in friendship terms.

Agree it's frustrating to have to play the Cool girl game but here are some things that went down well for my 8yo's birthday party that would translate to a playdate.

Slime making (premade slime pots with lots of add ins)
Face paint sticks
Make your own ice cream sundae

Also that kpop demon hunters thing on netflix is super popular at the mo if she hasn't seen it, girls playing it out etc.

Brilliant - thank you. We haven’t!

Part of being fun and cool is about having good self esteem and not being too keen to please people and fit in.
Help your dd with that. Does she have hobbies? Does she listen to music? Help her to develop her own identity and confidence.
There’s also no harm in joining popular fads like watching something everyone else has or buying certain brands if you can afford it, but in the main, it’s about being confident.

I’d recommend getting her signed up to Brownies and potentially a sports team (based on her interests/abilities not what you think is ‘cool’) as I think it would be healthy to have friends outside the 5 girls at school because that is a tiny number, and because they won’t be able to facilitate decent girls sports with so few. Just takes the pressure off a bit.

Does school permit pencil cases? A new set of silly smelly rubbers, scented colouring pencils etc. went down well when DD started Y3 at a new school because she was able to share them as a bit of an ice breaker.

Have a range of stuff in for playdates- slime making as recommended by PP is good if you’re happy for them to do that. With some friends they play lego, others prefer more pretend play and still do stuff with toy ponies, stuff to do ‘makeovers’, crafty bits like friendship bracelet making. We also have a Switch and Mario Party is good especially if there’s a group. Obviously has to be things DD likes though!

Kpop Demon Hunters and the Zombies movies (zombies 4 just came out on Disney) also seem to very popular at the moment and they’re singing all the songs, much to my annoyance.

Definitely confidence. My DD who’s also 7 is suspected adhd and is a bit young for her age and a slight bit ‘odd’ in comparison to nt kids, but she’s got bags of confidence and is kind and lovely to boot so makes friends easily. By contrast making friends was difficult for me (also as yet undiagnosed adhd) and the only thing that truly helped me was confidence which I found when I had my DTs.

Labubus are popular round my way with 7 year olds, craft stuff particularly anything messy like slime, air clay or foam putty. Play dates out of the house I like to try to do active things like soft play for older kids, trampolining, climbing anything really that gives them all a common goal but without too much talking time, I’ll play tag, chase them, hide and seek etc.

I try to make sure my kids fit in with whatever the current trends are but also focus mainly on their own interests and develop those so they can always find some common ground with a kid. I’m working on maintaining snd boosting self confidence because that’s an inner sparkle that draws people to them and if they’re confident in themselves other peoples opinions of them are less relevant.

At my DCs school, once they get into year 3 most kids bring in a pencil case though not required.

If you want a cool pencil case, a Smiggle pencil case that has:
the 2-in-1 rubber and sharpener, with the rolly thing, Scented colouring pencils, scented writing pencils…. Maybe some sparkly gel pens even though they probably won’t get the change to use them often in school. But still a ‘cool’ thing to bring in.

If you wanted the coolest pencil case, the pop out one with calculator(my 8 year old really wanted this - but alas she’s having the one that came with the Smiggle backpack bundle!).

Cool lunches help too, make sure you check if she “should” have packed lunch and if so, what is cool to eat in your packed lunch box.

Oh and music - make sure she is listening to the right annoying songs . Helps if she can act, sing and dance - all the cool kids seem to be budding actresses/insta influencers these days

Oh yes, it’s much cooler to have a packed lunch than a hot dinner. 🤷‍♀️ the Smiggle 2 tier lunch bag is a highly desired lunch bag. 😅

Just incase I’m not describing well, a Smiggle set like this would be very cool year 3 school ‘accessories’. Obviously available in different colours / patterns.
My daughter has a cheaper Smiggle bundle, very similar to what she had last year and that was enough Smiggle to have the cool stuff. But the pop out pencil case and this style lunch bag are definitely the coolest.

@BunniBwhat are the cool songs for 7 year olds these days. My daughter is also a bit young her age so it might help her too. If anyone else knows couple of them pls do share

Definitely Love Story by Taylor Swift. I had to play it several times so my 8yo could sing along with her friends at school.
Not sure what others, but that’s the only one she asked if she could listen to.

All seven year olds I know are obsessed with k-pop demon hunters. My seven year old can talk about it for hours! It’s definitely a thing between his friends at the moment, they love all the songs as well.

We have inadvertently already bought the cool lunch box and calculator pencil case. I had no idea I had such great taste. It was luck rather than judgement! 😂

We are going to get on to the cool songs and films and pens though - thanks so much, everyone!